Hurting...

this is why I wanted you to file for D instead of a separation...

My xwh broke into my home during our legal separation. It is NOT breaking and entering when they do that...even if you are separated..in all eyes of law, you are legally married.

If you want to freeze or divide assets, then you have to go for a D.

Your WH is doing the scare the poor wifey thing. Maybe he got either advice from an immoral attorney...or from ow...

but this guy is mad and outta control.

file for D on monday.

why does this jerk think he has rights to your vehicle? doesn't this man know that as a single woman you have to drive to work? my xh defaulted financially on a vehicle in my name yet was legally bound to pay for and was actually HIS vehicle when our assets were split. He was legally bound by judge in divorce and via the papers to keep up his suv payments.

He did NOT> and my credit was ruined because of it.

best thing to do is to legally separate all things marital if a ws is out of control. that is to protect you and the kids.

it is not about Mbuilding at this time. You have done a good job...and he's getting madder than ever at plan b...and at fact you're not rolling over and taking this.

ws believe we should just lump it and like it. You are and were to him kind and loving. He cannot fathom why you are not letting him have his way with all things? they just can't get it.

but when a ws becomes imho reckless....and endangers their own family either thru violence, immorality (exposing kids to seeing things far beyond their years), or by withholding finances, it is time to seek real answers legally.

this man knows how to come home. if not, remail him your plan b letter...which should carefully spell it out.

he is so in the fog he doesn't know what to do.

he is also angry b/c he will have to pay cs and alimony. he thinks if he lies about ow, then nobody will think he really left his family for another woman. he is trying every angle to get you to give in to him.

can you see it now? he is really running scared...and to some ws, when they begin to do this, it is an offensive they run instead. they think we are doing something to them. not so at all. we are just putting up a shield...so they cannot hurt our families...and we want them to change...and if they have any remaining sanity at all, they know the real way back home.

change locks. call police. he's been stealing from you and the kids and is trying to control you through withholding of finances and stranding you without a vehicle.

the man is desperate and outta control. he'd do anything right now.

what I do not get is the rush to insanity? why is he escalating right now? I don't get this....how close is a court hearing anyway? you'd think it was tomorrow or monday by the way he is behaving. he is getting this stupidity and motivation from SOMEWHERE...hmmmmm.

call mil and tell her how he broke in and how he is trying to steal car from you...you need family for protection right now.

if you feel unsafe at all, then make sure phone is with you at all times. I remember thinking my xh was going to do something horrible. i couldn't sleep at night...it was about 2 mos. from court hearing...he was desperate b/c he could NOT find any dirt on me at all...so he broke in to raid my computer, try to break log in codes, and got on my voice mail to see if I had done what he did...which I did not.

but he also took something...my rolex. gift when I gave birth to my son. he took it. and the police could not prove if he did it or not...just that it was suddenly missing.

I understand your pain, but do what will protect you and kids now. You have to legally and please above all be safe. If you ask police, they can do drive by's also. alert neighbors. It was my next door neighbor who saw my xh breaking into my home...in thru back deck/family room window.

only the desperate waywards go this far.

I agree. Whatever you can think of that you need to do to protect you, DO IT.

Kim

Peach:

Your my girl and all.......and I may even agree with you here, but you may get "roughed up" on this one.

I am gonna be a coward.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> and lay in the brush while this gets processed.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The court date isn't until Dec 9.

I don't get why he is so angry? This is what he wanted and now he is playing very dirty and it scares me.

I will think of a place to hide the car.

What does he want? Is he wanting me to call and beg him? I don't see why, he wantee away and he is away why can't he leave me alone and let the courts handle this.....

I am going to my attorney first thing monday and see what can be done.

I get the feeling he has gone over the edge and no bringing him back now. He hs gone way to far.... I knew he would be angry but I never expected this from him.... Does he hate me that much?

Option #1 - Park it elsewhere and have MIL drive you to it when you need it.

Option #2 - Disable it yourself by taking a spark plug wire off or the wire to the distributor or take the battery out etc. Then he can't drive it off.

He's having a lovely weekend, isn't he. Wants to take the only vehicle you have. Shows how low he's sunk when he uses your DS to crawl into a window and then last night when he told your DS that he's not having sex with OW. He's fogged very, very badly and in a panic mode now that reality is setting in with papers served etc.

Typical behavior or an WH. Long story short, my FWH disabled my vehicle, broke the phones and pulled the wires and left me out here in never, never land. I live rurally. And... I didn't file any D or S papers, just told him I was going to start living again.

Remain calm and avoid C. You're doing great.

my understanding is that a legal separation does identify who gets to use what marital property or it can split the assets and decide who now owns them.

if this is done, the other spouse can no longer "take" the item

I would NOT file for Divorce unless that is what you want! A legal separation buys you time while protecting your assets and giving you financial security.

i do think you are doing the right thing.

So the mental pix I get is sweet little Peach kicking a WS butt while lemondrop looks on from a distance!?!?!?!

Soooo hard to imagine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Me thinks u 2 would make a great superduo. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> A little sweet and sour duo. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

I have no idea what to do..... I am going gto find a place to park the car.

Problem is with my work hours being 10 pm until 5 am it puts me in a bind to get to work .....

His panic mode is what is scaring me. I have no idea what he may do next.

I still can't believe he has gone this far and low... Does he not realize he is only amking himself look worse for the judge? Does he really believe a judge is going to accept this behavior and have no consequences for it?

I know he is trying to get me to back down now and probably call him begging, but it won't happen.... I can't do that I am going to have to tough this out no matter what...

Seems every weekend he does something more stupid ... I am really hating the weekends now

He is planning to sell your car that you use for work? If so, go get one of those things which go through the steering wheel. To prevent theft. At the very least it will slow him down.

Let your children, MIL, neighbors, etc. know of his threats. Also let them know what t/d should they see the WS attempting to take your car before you get legal action. This should protect you until Monday when you can call your attorney and the police.

JMHO,
L.

Well believe it. I couldn't believe it either (and it's my guess most of us couldn't) that my WH would stoop so low and behave like a maniac. Expect the unexpected.

I will RESTATE what I said.

You only file for D if it is what you want..

YOU ASAP CALL lawyer...they should access calls even on weekends as this is an emergency.

call the police ask their opinions on how to legally handle this.

meanwhile move the darn car.

please be safe above all.

that is my main concern.

this man is getting angry about money now.

ws don't think they should have to pay for a w and an ow too...so somebody's gotta go in their foggy wittle mind.

LEMON...yes, you're my hero here..love ya lots...and yes, I love peach iced tea as well as lemonade.

we could have a wierd superhero duo...the adventures of peach T and lemon aid...you and I can fly around and kick the arses of ws all over the globe righting their wrongs!

and being silly in the whole progress..maybe stopping in restaurants for margaritas and to perform heimlich maneuvers...and a little acls life support when needed! lol...

Hurting..you only divorce if you are ready for it. But u better make darn sure you and your assets are legally protected from an insane and angry ws...make sure lawyer does their job for this part! my xh squandered over 150k during our separation ok?

Maybe I should change my onscreen name to Peach T..kinda like Ice T....lol!

Orchid does know me...she knows I am sweet,..but then when somebody (usually darth) crosses my line...I whomp em' with my pit!

I already called the police they say they can do nothing since we are married and its joint property. If he gets the car they can't take it from him and vice versa. I called my attorney but the only number i have is his office.. I left a message but who knows if they check them on weekends.

He has no keys to the car and I have the title which I will not give him.... The title still is not clear yet. Its paid for but we did not clear the loan co. off yet.... I have all of that stuff.

He also told DD that when he gets a house he will be back for the dogs and the cat he gave me..... He also got a cell phone today, but told DD I could not have the number.... I don't want the damn number. Like I would call him anyway.... I have not called him in months he has done all of the calling.

He has gone so far off the edge I can't ever see him coming back now...... I guess I just need to accept that and move on.... He is out of control with this. And all because I wanted him to do the right thing. I have not asked him for nothing I have not been nasty to him or angry. Yet he feels the need to run me into the ground and the poorhouse... The only thing I have done is let him know I love him and wanted to save our marriage. Guess thats what I get for taking the high road..... Maybe I should have been a B.....

Why can't I just hate him?????

(((Hurting)))

Break down the problem, you need to keep WH away from the car until Monday when you can speak to your lawyer-right?

Do you need to sleep before work? Can you hang out somewhere and take a nap (somewhere that WH won't find the car)

While you are at work, can you park right outside the drive-thru. You say he doesn't have keys, is he planning on towing it off?

Sunday, is there somewhere else you can get some sleep? You've just got to make it 1 1/2 days, don't be afraid to ask for help. Tell people what WH is doing, surely there is someone who will help you hide the car and get to work.

You have nothing to be ashamed of-don't be afraid to ask for help.

He is spinning, you are calm, cool and collected.

I am off work tonight so its not much of a problem. I can park it somewhere safe. Tomorrow I can be gone from the house all day until work..... I can park at work were it can be watched. I think he thinks he can scare me into giving it to him. I don't think he would have it towed but hwo knows. Without the title and keys he can't do much right away. By the time he could get a title search done and get a new title and have keys made I will be able to do something legally... Plus he would have to contact the loan co. in Calif. to get a new paper showing its paid for...

Oh he is spinning all right, going out of control it seems...

I just can't believe he is this out of it. Is the money issue that big for him? Its not like he will be broke or destitute... This can't be all about the money there has to be something more... I just wish I could figure it out...

Hurting - this is just par for the course. You are standing up to him, and he doesn't like that. Also OW is probably yapping away at him. Good. Stand your ground, and protect yourself.

Wait til he has to start giving you money. The OW wants you to have NOTHING.

I finally got smart and took the necessary action to protect what is left. WH thinks that he deserves it all. He needs more money to keep the OW. Yours is probably in the same place.

HiOK,

Go get that device I mentioned. Then it doesn't matter if he has a key or not. You will say you locked up the car to keep it safe. Heard there were robberies in the area....something about someone breaking into homes and cars and using children as accomplices. Yea, give that info to the police. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I forget the name but auto shops should have them. It is a bar which locks the steering wheel.

L.

It is the two year old having a tantrum in the Walmart aisle. We have no real idea of what he really wants, you would think from what he says, that you are giving him what he wants. But, he is not calling the shots right now. That is probably the basis of his issue. My WH is acting the same way. He yells at me for forcing him to get a D lawyer (I haven't filed anything yet).

Yes, I did say that I would prefer to be D'd sooner rather than later as I would like to move on with my life as he has. But, I also asked him to get off the mistress and come home, and he didn't chose to do that-so why start doing what I asked now?

My WH is so very angry, and I just don't get it. When he left, he said he was "thinking more clearly than he had thought in years" (puke). OK, didn't that clear thinking include attorney cost, him paying for an apartment, him looking like an adulterous dog to his friends, family and his children?? Is that not part of WS thinking??

Don't try to figure him out. I have had to accept that the man driving my H's car has lost his mind, is not to be rationalized with and someone that I must protect myself from at all cost. He hates it when I call him "plantiff", but I have explained that I will be happy to be his wife, I will coparent with him regardless, but right now, he is suing me, so he is "plantiff" to me.

Don't be scared, he can't make you spin out of control. Stay one step ahead.

again, call the police and ask about what your H can get if you are legally separated...and what H can take if you are filed for d...then ask lawyer same thing on monday morning and IF THE LEGAL SEPARARATION CAN PROTECT YOU AND KIDS AND ASSETS.

I cannot believe this man...trying to take the dogs and the cat too? what next? the kitchen sink?

He is angry and spinning and TRYING TO PUNISH YOU...stay dark...he is PUSHING YOU TO ENGAGE...

But what frightens me is that Hurting, if he just wants a divorce, he can file and not do this craziness to you. I don't get it about some ws why they do this stupid behavior?

he is imho...out of control and you need to make sure you are safe...SAFE. a man like that walking around would not make me feel safe if he is trying to get into my home and take my possessions, vehicle, and even my pets..

this man is also terrorizing your kids too..don't forget it.

Eav....buying time? this is about protection and safety now.

imho...a piece of paper is a piece of paper. the day judge signed my divorce, I still felt married ok? it is the actions somebody takes that determines things...you can repair, refix your M if H becomes broken and realizes his mess he has created at such a later time and place.

right now you live for now...and for now, he is a raving lunatic.

I know of 2 women who were victimized by their ws during a separation and divorce. I also know another woman who did not let it happen. One of the three is now talking again to her xh...and they went to movies.

My xh tried like heck to victimize me...he tried all the scare tactics a person could use and not wind up in a prison. I flipped out too...I didn't know what to do. I even remember how he tried once for about 3 days to keep my child from me. said he was filing for sole custody and did not give my son back to me during visitation time (mine)...I had lawyers calling judges and we were getting an emergency hearing for custody when he returned my son to daycare...I remember crying and screaming at work in the back...my docs I work with were hugging me and saying that he cannot legally steal my son...I remember all the stuff he did.

they get angry when we do not let them have the cake and eat it too...that is the truth my dear.

stay dark...stay safe.

I don't want you to divorce hon. I would love to wake up tomorrow and see you post that your wh had a breakdown and realized he was losing everything by losing you and the kids...that would be what I'd love to see...but I cannot predict future and some do not turn out as we want them to (ws that is)...

but we can make sure our children and ourselves...are safe!

Have the police do drive by's in front of your home when you are at work ok?

My xh used to make me feel as though I was a prisoner in my own home.

want more examples of wh craziness? I went to visit MY SISTER AND BRO IN LAW in alabama...(we are soooo close). Took my son too. went to their home and was driving home when I kept getting calls from wh. at this time I was indeed filed for divorce. I was also incidentally in plan b. My xh kept calling and calling saying I'd better be in my home by 9 pm so son could go to daycare next day ????wtf?????

I got scared..the closer to home I got the more he called my cell. He said "I am waiting outside the house and you'r not there...I am having police come over to check on you." Next call was he's breaking my door down. I was perfectly safe...he was making me feel unsafe. He even phoned my best guy friend in world...incidentally he's in alabama..but in COMPLETELY different part of state...called him and PRETENDED to be the forsyth co police dept...My buddy tim answered phone at 2 am and heard "this is the police. are you t? he said yea. are you harboring a Mrs. Peachy vader in your home? He said "why is she in trouble? she is not even in alabama as far as I know?"...the caller hung up...he checked caller id and saw it was unlisted...

that night my xh scared me so much that I stayed in a hotel...went to work in my dress clothes next day and borrowed a lab coat. as I pulled up to son's day care, the wh was there taking photos of me as I walked up...he said "here is proof you did not come home last night" I said "what are you doing?" he said "you're lying and now you're cheating and I am gonna prove it!" I said that he was insane and that maybe he'd gotten syphillis or something like that and it'd migrated to his brain.

and he broke into home within 2 mos. after that...and spent one night in the city jail.

Moral to this story: when a ws is out of control, very rarely do they back down unless there is a point where things explode...stay safe...he is entering the "totally wayward and wierd" mode now. He is literally saying to you "darn it woman...you're not gonna make me PAY so that I can eat more cake ...I won't let you...so let's see how you can afford a lawyer or anything unless you do what I tell you to do...and what I WANT you to do is back off, leave me alone, don't tell anybody what I am doing, and pretend I am the greatest guy in the world and let ME EAT CAKE WITH OW...IN PEACE...and we can all be friends and I can see the kids when I want em, and you can babysit the kids when I am out with ow and hers too when we feel like it...you will like it get it?"

that's what they're saying in this mode. they are full on angry because you have said to them...ENOUGH CAKE EATING...NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THE CAKE I BAKED FOR YOU...you can have ow cake...but mine is not cheap...unlike the ow!

Have neighbors watching house btw! and mil watching house too!

Just one day to go.

REMEMBER...THE WS IS TRYING TO MAKE YOU DELIBERATELY FEEL UNSAFE AND OFF KILTER RIGHT NOW...DO NOT LET HIM WIN...STAY CALM AS POSSIBLE. USE YOUR BRAIN. DO NOT REACT...JUST SIT BACK AND THINK OF WHAT IS AT HAND TODAY..PROTECTING CAR AND STAYING SAFE.

I am saying a prayer for you guys. it will be fine. Just remember think, not react to anything done. do not engage on any level.

Ok I am going to go now to the store and see what I can find....

This is really scary right now....It makes me wonder if he will try and get in the house with me here.....

I don't know if he was mad or not because i was not here when he came. I knew he was coming plus SIL called me to warn me when he was on the way. I was already gone though... I didn't ask DD if he said anything about me being gone from home.

Surly he won't do anything when I am here.....