Hi Hurting,

I cried when I read this last post of yours. I am so thankful for that faithful woman that came to pray with you.
And I know God will answer!!

Tears are still coming to my eyes. I am very confident that what she has said will happen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lady

" Dear God please turn OW'S heart away from BS'S , Husband and make her see what she is doing is not th right thing for her. Let it be turned to stone for him. Make it so even if he looks for her ,he can never find her again."


Hurting - Thank you for sharing once again, your story touches many. I have been praying everynight for my WH. I have never prayed for OW. I am going to use that same prayer tonight.

Thank you. Do you mind sharing which Bible verses she gave you to read?

Prayer is amazing. I have not been using it enough. I pray at night, some in the day. I need to pray always. I always feel better & I end Believing that God is going to bring my WH home.

I Believe your WH will be brought home too.

Kim

The bible verses she wants me to read everyday are the of course the 23rd psalm ... the 27 psalm and 37 psalm...

she is going to give me more but she said to read those 3 everyday.....

I am going to do this and pray everyday for my family and all of my MB family.....

All of you are in my prayers for we have all come to be like a family....

God Bless All of you....


Love, Hurting

I do have one last story to tell tonight.

I have spoken to my DD tonight and used the wise words of Peps.

My DD said to me that she does not accept her dads choice but that she cannot turn her back on him.

I told her I would never ask you not to love your dad or turn your back. For he loves you as much as I do.

She said just because I see him or maybe have Thanksgiving with him and OW does not mean I accept it or like it.

This made me feel so much better. I told her that in no way was she or her siblings the reason for what has happened. She says I know that Mom as well as I know its not your fault. I told her your right I can take the blame for my fault in our marriage problems but the choice of the affair was and is her fathers own. I explained about free will and how no one can make or push someone into doing something. If someone does something wrong its because of their own weakness and choices. She seemed to understand all oft his. The one thing she said was Adultry is a sin mom and its one of the ten commandments. I also explained the reason for my planb again to her. She understood that I love her dad but why I had to remove myself from the triangle. So she did agree to not answer any more questions for him. I beieve I made a step in the right direction with her. So after talking to her I came away with the feeling she understands my feeling more as I understand hers.

One last thing DD was at the bowling alley tonight and spoke to many peple who were at my friends funeral the other day.

It seems everyone at the funeral was appaled by WH bringing OW there. The yrecieved many bad looks and no one even spoke to OW. After the service was over and when it was time to greet the family, OW left out of the church and spoke to no one and no one spoke to her. In fact most people could not believe she had the nerve to show up. WH did greet the family and very quickly left as he was shunned as well..... I know I should not tak some pleasure in this but I do.... It showed them that no one accepts this crap from them....

DD did say most people understood why I didn't come but a few did say I should have put my problem aside because this was for my friend. Maybe they are right but they are not walking in my shoes and have no idea the effect it would have had on me.The family understood my reasons and was not offended by it , in fact they said we know Barbara would understand. So thats what counts to me that they understood...

Anyhow thats how my day was today some good , some not so good and some just awesome.......


I also have something to add about the lady who prayed with me tonight. She had so much to say it comes to me in pieces.

She said" I hear the word of the Lord say even though he lies with this woman at night its not her he see's or feels in his heart. It's you. He has to be shown the way home by God he is fighting it Satan is pulling him hard. Keep your faith in God and keep praying and God will find the way into his heart." She said so many things to me and as I remember them I will write them down to share with you all.
I can't describe the feelings I had when she was praying and talking to me.... It was something I have never felt before...

I think you should also ask sil lovingly to NOT say such things in front of your daughter..

and maybe even apoligize to her....in a way that is sincere..

it might open up channels for your daughter to vent her feelings to others as well...

blessings to you hurting...

ARK

Ark,

My MIL and I both spoke to SIL tonight and told her it was no acceptable to speak about her brother in that manner to DD.

We explained to her that you can have the feelings you want but you can't lay them at the childrens feet. No matter what he is their father and they love him. I hope she took our words to heart.

Like I told her I understand your hurt and pain that he has brought to all of us but they are children and don't understand it like we do. Heck I barely understand it...

So I am praying we now have most of us on the right track... A lot was said and done today that I hope will start to bring some healing to us all.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

good stuff

Hurting -

Glad you and DD had that talk. It's hard to know exactly what to say to your children. It sounds like you did a good job.

Have a great day!

Kim

Kim,

I tried I hope it was a good talk only time will tell....

I hope you have a good day as well....

Hurting - I'm glad you talked things over with your daughter. I wouldn't worry too much about it though. Kids her age do strange things.

When my son turned 18 he announced that he was going to Oregon to live with his dad - the same dad who left when he was only 5 years old, and never paid a dime of child support, and wrote only 1 letter a year.

I was so upset!!!!! I called my dad and mom, crying my eyes out. My dad said to let him go with a smile on my face. He said that my son would be back soon. Sure enough, my son called in 3 months and wanted to know if I would buy him a ticket home. He was completely miserable.

There is nothing like letting them go, and letting them see for themselves the condition of the wayward.

Thank you Believer... You are probably right... maybe she needs to see exactlly what its all about for them.....

I hope she will see how fake it all is .......

I am proud of you hurting...and yes, I fear and my greatest fear is my son would want to be with his dad...a dad who could buy son all the toys he could want...sportscar at 16, has the jetskis at 10, etc...buy his love.

I don't have that much ...but I have faith and love.

You show your dd that.

And you did great! thanks for taking high road and telling family to NOT speak of WH in front of dd.

And don't be surprised if dd shows up on doorstep at thanksgiving wanting some of mom's famous turkey...after having been "served up a plate of ws turkey" at wh and ow place. I think she will see and react far differently than you think she will.

The dd is trying to save whatever love she also has for the ws...it is so sad. but she's trying to do it. he is her dad.

In the end, she will know who is been there with her...who has stood by her side and protected her and valued her love and feelings...you.

Don't worry about your wh and the walmart ho. Let them play family.

But do take the photos! DO take pictures of the "I luv a trucker" stuff on her stupid little car. And DO have photos of them walking in together. Just carry disposable or digital cam with you wherever you go <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Let time make them crash. They're in the honeymoon phase of the affair...it will happen. Just sit back and do not focus on the idiots. Soon it will give way to real life. She will fold clothes..will NOT be way he likes it. HE will say or do something tht will send her over the edge. And if YOU stay out of their affairnest, they will begin FIGHTING ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN YOU...and they will NOT be unified in being against YOU.

It's simple logic. It works! When the WS and OP think they are fighting a common target, you, they feel justified. When they are left alone to fend for themselves and live day to day with "nothing but affair love", the anger is let loose...the ws is still not allowed in any way to mourn his loss of marriage or love to you while around an affair partner!

This is huge! This is very huge! Normal people mourn even if a breakup is mutual. But anger...so much anger is a mutated form of love and attachment.

I was told this by my old counselor. She said I will know it's time for me to date and move on when I am no longer waking up each day angry at my xh and can talk about this whole sitch rationally to others...he he...I think I am soooo there!

She also said that I should expect stupid and irrational behavior from my xh as LONG AS HE IS STILL REACTING ANGRILY TO ME...why? She said that my XWH WILL FIGHT ME AS LONG AS THERE IS ANGER THERE PRESENTING ITSELF...why? ANGER IS NOT OPPOSITE OF LOVE...IT IS MUTATED VERSION OF THE SAME. Indifference is real opposite of love.

I wake up in morning and think of what I have to do each day. I smile. I workout sometimes. I am fine. In contrast, my xh will call and every once in a while he'll say that "he saw some girl driving down street and wondered if it ws me?" and it will not be me. (I did see wh driving down street 2 weekends ago though...was really him.)

HE also gets mad at me for stupid reasons.

When you WH does NOT get mad at you for stupid things, it is because he was NOT ALLOWED TO MOURN THE LOSS..AND CARRIES WITH HIM SOME DEGREE OF LOVE..according to my old counselor.

She also believed as I did that if their affair was to die, and I was to truly move on, I could accomplish both by staying the heck away from wh and out of their life. She so agreed with plan B. And yea, the counselor said she believed the clock was ticking and would only begin ticking when he moved in or married ow...that he'd be back...but if I would even want him at that time? She also told me that "affairs fall apart...but sometimes not in the span of time we need them to fall apart so our lives and marriages can heal". She also said that "letting the partners have each other is the cruelest thing you can do to them"..why?

Let's see...In YOUR sitch...the OW is a mom. She has an older d right? Your WH will have to now deal with a teen of NOT his own? Stress. He will be dealing with divorce and stress of courts, and division of assets...STRESS! and OW will have to deal with WH having to vascillate back and forth with his own kids...STRESS AND FEAR....She will always be fearing that he will want to return to his family so she will TIE HIM DOWN HARDER AND QUICKER...And sometimes because your WH has NOT BEEN ABLE TO MOURN YOUR LOSS...HE WILL REACT ANGRILY! TO BOTH OW AND YOU...but trick is, that YOU will stay dark. He will have to take this anger out on ONLY PERSON AROUND HIM...THE OTHER WOMAN!

See? it is dynamics at its best! I sooooo love behavioral psych!

Peachy,

Wow does all of that make sense or what.....

I am staying dark not a problem there. I will start carrying my digtal camera with me when out and about on the weekends. Heck I can get a pic of her car and the dumb bumper sticker anyday of the week seeing how she works like 3 blocks from my house....

SIL talked to WH today about the bills and the gas being turned off. He told her that he would take care of the insurance and the gas. He also wants to know about the electric bills and all.

I am glad he is gonna do it , lets hope he does anyway. She says he seemed concerned about it. Yeah right another act but anyhow I am now wondering maybe he figures it will help him look better with court so close now. Maybe it will help but what about all the other times of no money or help. He still will look like a fool...

He still has not been served. He has managed to not be there everytime they come. Court is the 9 th of Dec. .. Whats going to happen if he is not served in time? I can't afford for this to be postponed... I need the $$ now.... I fear if they postpone it it will be after the holidays before we can get back in ..... I have got to find a way for this man to be served..... This is 2 weeks now these papers have been avoided.... Its really stressing me out....

If the processor can't serve him today, then arrange for him t/b at a certain location (like bowling alley meeting son or someone, SIL's house, etc.), let him be served there.

Just a thought.

L.

Thanks Orchid.... I am going to have to figure something out for sure.... am calling my lawyer tomorrow maybe we can figure something out... I can't afford a postponment for sure...

I keep thinking why don't they go out early morning when most people are asleep.... I know he was there yesterday until about noon time because DD talked to him... Its like they wait till midafternoon and he is gone

Is there a chance that they might be serving him and he might be denying who he is? Can happen you know. I recall one incident when I went to a home and asked for a person (I was delivering some item for my mother), the man that answered acted too scared, he thought I was a process server (me at about 16). LOL!!! I told him I was dropping off some stuff for my mom's friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> He felt relieved then told me his story.... what a jerk. I told my mom, never to send me on those errands again, no matter how good a fried she may have been. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Turns out the lady was just an acquaintance and had asked my mom for some info or stuff.... my mom was just being nice. Mom apologized for putting me in that situation. But hey, it was a lesson learned.

L.

I never thought of that.... Gezzz maybe I should give them a picture then he can't deny just in case.....

To be honest though would not surprise me ....

Hi Hurting,

I had a feeling this was gonna happen with papers being served to WH.... As far as him not being there or avoiding.

I wonder if he could be served at work. Is there a specific time he is at the office every week?

But good thing he is going to take care of those bills for you now. You need the gas turned on. Is it cold there yet?

Lady

Lady,

No he is n ever in the office he is in the truck on the road. I just don't know what else to do.... Really sucks he found out about them.... I could shoot that attorney for even telling him.....

No its still nice and warm here. As far as the bills go though I will believe it when I see it....

I really was hoping he was doing it from guilt but I think its more about making himself look good for the court than anything else....

Really have to find a way to get these papers to him.... This sucks...

I know, well maybe the lawyer will know what to do tomorrow. There has to be an answer of how to get him served.

Tell them early morning is the best time.

Do you know what time he leaves out Monday morning. Maybe they can catch him then.