Yes the job is no problem. I generally work in the back anyway. It was a fluke i was in fromt last night due to the fact someone went home sick.

He did tell me he has been driving by work to catch a glimpse of me but he never see's me. He also told me he drove by the house numerous times but I keep the blinds closed and he has not been able to see me. He said this morning at 4:45 he drove by my work because i was suppose to get off at 5 and he said you were gone. I said yes I got off at 1 instead, he said yeah I drove by the house nd saw the car. I said yeah right, he said I did I saw the christmas tree ligts on in the window and they are purple.

The tree was on so I guess he has been driving by. My MIL told me this a few weeks ago and I thought she was wrong but I guess not.....

I hope he is getting close to hitting rock bottom ladies... and maybe with christmas and my birthday being so close he will feel the pain enough. He did mention my b-day and I told him I probably have to work, I left it at that.... he did say he was buying the kids christmas and I thanked him for that because I have to many bills to pay and not the money.

Keep praying for me, I do believe we are on the right track here and its coming, not sure when but I feel it......

Beliver I have already told him I have a plan we can follow for recovery if it ever happens. I told him it can be trusted and it works. But in the meantime I am living my life and praying for the end of this A.

I do love this man so much and today just brought back all those feelings even stronger, but I w ill tell you I am not an emotional mess like I thought I would be. I feel so strong and confident..... I am getting there for me and i am so proud. It was nothing like i expected it to be, it was amazing to me how much this last 2 months has done for me. I didn't realize how much planb helped me until today. It made me stronger and wiser. Thank you all for keeping me on task....

Stong and confident is what you need to keep showing. It makes them (WH) very uncomfortable. Don't allow him back in until he SHOWS you he's dumped the OW, etc. If you allow him back too soon, you'll be back at square one. DARK

Mimi's right on about him getting his fix and will not continue to try and get his high again.

As far as counseling. I wouldn't commit to giving him the counseling information until he moves out of OW's and cuts communication and contact with her.

He's following the typical WH pattern. He's SAYS (key word), he's ready to give you the moon - - mmmhmm - well show me buddy. He will be a cakeman if you let him. Again - DARK

Hi Hurting,

Just dropped in to say congrats on today. I'm happy for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lady

Lady,

Thank you. I also am happy the way things went. Was not near what I expected it to be. I expected arguing and all but none of that happened.

I have to admit it was nice seeing WH even though he is still with OW, I have missed seeing him...... I guess I may go through a little withdrawl now but I'll be fine with it. Guess I got my fix to.... Just seeing him made my heart flutter, praying for the crash as bad as it will hurt him it needs to happen......

You have Plan B to thank for the ability to feel that flutter for your H .... because you have (mostly) been isolated from his ugly side. Imagine going to court when you have been exposed to his ugly side day after day. No fluttering .... only seething resentment.

Preserve what is left of your good feelings by isolating his ugliness so it can not effect you (as much)

Pep,

Your right I do realize it was my planb that saved that flutter for me.... Has not been a perfect planb but it worked....

You know as I was sitting in the court house ysterday there were 3 other people in front of me waiting to have their divorce hearings. I was listening to them all talk. They were the most rxcited 3 people in the world. They were so anxious to get the divorces done. No tears or regrets all waiting to make a new life and dating. It really struck me as to how easy divorce is. They asked me if I was there for the same reason, I told them no and that I am trying to save my marriage. I got some funny looks from them. I guess I was a little strange to them trying to save something they wanted out of so bad. Once they went in the court it was over in like 2 mins. It really hit me then how easy and quick a divorce is done. I pray I never have to get there.

Ok this is not good. I guess I am feeling a little bit of withdrawl today.

I am doing ok just feeling a little down. After seeing WH yesterday and talking to him, it just is making me miss him more now. I know I have to keep a dark planb now so I can get back to where I was.

I just knew seeing him was going to do this to me. But its nothing like it was before just a little aching going on.

I have been thinking about all he said to me yesterday, I want so much to believe it, but I know I can't until his actions prove different. I do believe that things are not all happy in la la land, I know its only a matter of time before things end. I just hope its soon.

Back on the horse as Mimi says..... Waiting for the big crash and burn to happen ...... Keep praying .... keep living my life ......

Hurting,

In a little withdrawl huh...it'll get better. Thankful you don't have to worry about the bills. Did you get enough in court to handle your bills?

His withdrawing filing for divorce is promising. And I hope that OW knows he did. I wonder if she knows?? Oh, that would really make her LB wouldn't it? It looks like he is finding out she isn't all he thought she was...huh.

IMHO, your WH has to make some decisions, and soon!!

Lets say... if he were to come home....can you keep LS in process?

Lady

Lady,

I got enough to take care of things. Still might be a little tight but I will be ok.

I have no clue if OW knows or not he didn't sign the papers. I am sure if not in time she will figure it.

WH has contacted a friend of ours who owns some land and has asked could he park his pickup and our sons pickup on his property. He wants to move them from OW'S friends property. He told me he wanted to move them because once he leaves OW he won't have to contact her friends. Now I know he asked this friend of ours because the friend told me as well as MIL was told he did. So I hope this is another step in breaking it off. Like I told WH yesterday he is going to have to make a descion sometime or another and that I won't wait forever for him to do it.

Him not signing the divorce papers was a start now its just stting back and seeing what other actions he does. I am hoping its soon but who knows. Something tells me though it will be after the holidays. I just have a feeling he won't leave her before christmas. My MIL thinks he might but I don't.

Like I said we will see if all he said is the truth in the coming weeks. I want so badly for it to be true but I can't get my hopes up to high.

Yes, if he comes home I can keep the LS in force for as long as I want. We would have to go to court and have it dismissed for it to be invalid. So he can't just come home and think it will be gone and then leave again. I believe he is seeing the grass is a little brown over there. Lets hope so anyway.......

It looks like he is making preparations to leave. OW has to be wondering why he is moving the trucks.
Sounds like things are getting miserable at OW's.
He may want to be home by you B-day on Christmas. I hope so.

Hurting, if he does come home, please take my advice. No SF until STD tests are done. WH may not like it, but...oh well. You don't know how clean, or unclean OW was or is, and now you don't know how clean or unclean WH is.

Lady

In my state, the LS became invalid as soon as my WH came home...

In reality, it's just a piece of paper..you don't have to go back to court....


I think he is working on it...but remember...it will take time....

The important thing is to allow him to PURSUE YOU....

Steve Harley encouraged me to ASSIST my WH in ending it...BUT HE has to DO MOST OF THE WORK...

YOUR MANTRA TO HIM: "GET RID OF THE OW"...NC LETTER....PLAN ON NEVER SEEING HER OR TALKING TO HER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFETIME....

"I DON'T WANT YOU UNTIL YOU WANT ME AND ONLY ME"....

lady,

I will take the advice about STD'S, I am not ttaking that lightly for sure. I read your update and I am so sorry about that. I pray you will be ok.

I don't know about him being home in time for anything. I just don't feel it will happen that soon.

I have no idea if she knows he is moving the trucks. He has not moved them as of yet that I know of. He just asked about it.

I hope things are getting miserable but it could be all talk who knows.

I am trying so hard not to get my hopes up but its hard after listening to him yesterday. I just pray he was being somwhat truthful. He didn't lie about the papers not being signed so maybe some of what he said was truth amongnst the babble.

I do know he was alone this morning with DS at the bowling alley she did not come with him like she has been.

Lady take care of yourself and I will pray things are ok with you. I can't imagine how you must feel.... (((Lady)))

Hurting

I just posted before you....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I hope your right and he is working on it.... I am praying so...

I know its going to take time. I am prepared for that, I just hope it really is happening......

Time will tell.....

He commits to NC. HE moves out. He commits to your Plan B letter stipulations period. No negotiation. Nothing short.

And he must work to be able to move home. Only a W or a H is welcomed home. NOT a WS.

Please do not let him in too early without WH doing the neccessary steps.

Yes it can work out. It sure can. But make sure who it is you are letting in the front door. Is it the WS? Is it a changed man...is it your H?

Saying he wants to come home and moving out from OW are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS...

peachy,

I am not letting him home without being sure. He will have to do the things i have put in my planb letter.

He already mentioned counseling but we will see if he follows through.

I want this all to happne but I am being cautious as well. I could not take another heartbreak from him. I need to be sure he is really wanting to work on this.

I admit I am scared he is blowing wind up my butt, but I am trying to stay positive as well...

I saw glimpses of the real H yesterday, I think he is trying to surface but he is not there yet.

I keep praying he is getting close.

t came from my MIL'S. We talked about what WH said yesterday. She thinks this time he is really going to leave OW. She said he asked me about moving the trucks to our friends property so I think he means it.

As I was leaving she told me things are going to be ok , I have the feeling he is coming back. Now here is a woman who all but givien up. She says she feels it.

I want to feel it but I am so afraid to. I don't want to be hurt again. Part of me says its going to be ok, but a little peice of me won't allow me to believe it.

So many lies over the months has just made me so fearful to believe anything. I didn't believe him about the d papers until my attorney told me and WH showed them to me with no signature. I do have to wonder though why would WH have the papers? Why didn't his attorney keep them?

So many things running in my head..........

Hurting -

You would do better spending your time cleaning your bathrooms. Stop worrying about whether he will leave OW. Take care of yourself and your family and home. Quit thinking about him. I've been very sure from the start that he will come back. So calm down so that you can do what you need to do. Recovery is twice as hard, so rest up.

Believer,

You have said from the very beginning said he would come back. You, Lem and Mimi all have said that.

I know I have to stop thinking about it. I guess just talking with him and seeing him yesterday knocked me back a few steps.

I will admit I was praying it would be before the holidays but thats not happening. I just don't get why he can't just leave her like he left me. Of course I don't all that is going on and my MIL said maybe there are some things he needs totake care of before he can leave. I guess like getting his ducks in a row. I know he wants the vehicles moved first. I guess away from where her or her friends have no access to them.

You know i did ask him yesterday why he worried over hurting her feelings by leaving but didn't think twice about hurting mine.This question was something I was wanting to ask for so long. It was when he talked ablout leaving her before in Aug. he said he didn't want to hurt her. He told me he honestly didn't know. He didn't say because he loves her or afraid she would do something, he just says he does not know. That answer confuses me. I keep thinking maybe its because he knew I truly loved him and would stand by him even after all of this.....

Good thing I have to work tonight it will help take my mind off this mess. I have got to get back to were I was before seeing him. I am obsessing now and I don't like it.....

Well, go get the house sparkling clean. They ALWAYS have a horrible time leaving. After all, they have thrown away their wife and family for the tramp. Also lots of WS's are people who take the easy way out. So it will be very difficult for him, even if he isn't happy with her.

That is why you need to settle down. You need to be calm enough to show him the way home. She will keep LB'ing him. You need to be in this for the long haul.