Ok I know I said I was going to take a break from here for a few days but I am so furious right now I had to vent.

As you know DS went with WH on the road to Amarillo. So today I cleaned house and was doing great. I got to my MIL'S to borrow something and my SIL asked me did you call OW? I said what are you talking about, she said WH called my other SIL this morning really pissed off. Seems someone called OW at work at called her a husband stealer and a homewrecker and all kinds of nice things.

So she in turned called WH who then blamed me or my other SIL for it. SIL told him no way it had to be someone else for one thing BS has no phone and why would she do this after all this time.

MIL called WH and told him off and said neither one of them called OW. He said well I didn't accuse them, she told him yes you did. He said well it must be one of BS'S freinds then. She told him she does not talk to anyone else but people she works with or us. You know yourself she has not been in contact with all your friends because they told you themselves she hasn't.

She also told WH how do you know this is not a lie made up by OW just to cause trouble? He didn't respond to it.

In reality this does not upset me or make me depressed it just really makes me mad that everytime things start being smooth and they have none of us in their lives or in their faces some crap like this comes up and I get blamed again. I have no clue who did or even if it really happened. And if it did happen since they called her job to talk toher why did she even entertain the call? Once she heard the first sentence she could have hung up..... So thats why I believe nothing happened. So for now they have something else to gripe about so they don't have just each other to deal with.

Seems like when they have to deal with just themsleves because everyone else leaves them alone they have to come up with some more crap just to drag everyone else into it. Guess this is the only thing they can do to keep it going drama is the key..... To have to be alone together must be getting hard ......

Like I told my MIL if I wanted to call her these name I would do it to her face and I darn sure would not have waited 7 months to it..... By the way I know the phone call from OW happened because DS heard it ....

Okay done venting .....

Okay to vent. OW must be getting very desperate. It's typical. OW in my case did the same thing. I still just don't get it and can't believe these are "grown" women pulling this kind of ******. WTH

You take care.

Happy Holidays

Inanutshell,

I'm with you this is all crazy stuff. I can't believe a grown woman would act this way.

I don't understand why they would do it, unless they feel their grip loosining and this w ay they canreel the WS back in by playing the victum. But someday it will backfire thats for sure. I just wish it was over I am so tired of all this game playing. I am tired of being blamed for crap.

I guess what even funnier is anyone with half a brain can see through this stuff but the WS. How stupid is that ... I just hope this means things in la la land is getting stale and starting to crack some .....

Good thing I am in planb or a lot of LB'ing would be going on right now ....


And Happy Holidays to you to Inanutshell

((( Hurting )))

First, I do not believe that she even got a call like that. My bet is that she is lying. Cheaters are liars, so she fits the bill.

And, if she did get such a call, the reason why she is so upset is --- It is true !!! She is a homewrecker and a blankety, blank. The truth hurts !!!

Please try not to dwell on them. I know it is hard.

Tomorrow is your Birthday !!! Less than one hour away. I will lift my glass of eggnog to toast to you, Hurting.

Best of regards - Carnation

Oh this is waaay tooo funny, LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

U know what just happened? That double imdemmity (sp???) thingy kicks in and now you got permission to call the OW at work and say all those lovely things. Heck, he just gave all of us permission t/d so also. LOL!!! Stupid WS. That OW thinks she is getting u into trouble but reverse babble kicks it right back!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Tonight was a busy night at work but everyone there took a minute or two at midnight to sing me Happy Birthday. I was so touched it brought tears to my eyes. They even went so far as to make a birthday cake out of a whopper bun ... was real cute .... Not ediable but cute lol


Carnation thanks for the birthday wishes. I am going to make this a good day.

I agree I really don't think OW got such a phone call, I believe its a ploy to become the victom so WH will feel sorry for her and make me the bad guy. The only thing that bothers me is I worry it may make him go even further away from me and I would gues thats her intention.

Orchid, I am not to sure what you mean about the reverse babble in this could you explain it to me? I'm confused by what you mean? Do you mean this could turn into a good thing or what?

Anyhow everyone have a Merry Christmas ....... God Bless

Hurting

[color:"red"] Happy Birthday Oklahoma!! [/color]

I hope you have a great day!!

Hurting -

Happy Birthday!!!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful day. Treat yourself like a Queen, you deserve it.

Kim

Thanks for the birthday wishes. I am going to try and make it a good day.

WH just picked up the kids a few minutes ago. I feel so sad that I am spending the day alone. He blows the horn and out they go. I know being in planb no contact is important and I know I should expect nothing from him but not even an acknowledgement of my birthday hurts. 24 yrs of birthdays with him and not even a Happy birthday from him really hurts. How can he just forget and ignor I'll never undrstand...

Of course he is mad right now thinking I had something to do with OW getting her infamous call.... This really sucks.

Time to pull myself together and make the day good... I will be so happy for this holiday season to be over....

i will be happy when it is over too
happy bday though!

Happy Birthday, Hurting.

The day just seems to get worse. The kids and I planned to go out to eat tonight for my birthday. WH was suppose to bring them home by 6.

DD just called and said they decided to stay with their dad and eat dinner with him. Not sure when they will be home... Happy freaking Birthday to me.... I asked her did she tell her dad we had plans she said yes... So I guess because he is pissed about this crap with OW getting a call its time to hurt me more...

He called his mom this morning and was still ranting and raving about this call. He told her that him and OW were arguing and having a war over this. OW told him she is tired of all the crap and drama. His mom told him none of us had anything to do with it so not our problem. He still says it must be one of BS'S friends and when I find out who they are going to get it. He is tired of people sticking their noses where it does not belong. He says some of what OW said was said to her that BS must have said something to someone or she would have not known it. Sad part is I have no idea what he is talking about because i have said nothing to anyone. Only thing she c oould have found out is we talked before court, but he told me she knew. I guess not .... Anyhow one thing for sure this problem they are having makes me see their Christmas won't be that great... I hope they are miserable.... They darn sure made sure I am ....

Hurting - - Sorry you're having a tough day. Really rotten of the kids to not stand up to their dad and come home to follow through with plans for you BD.

Ignore the other jackases (OW&WH). They're out in left field somewhere. Don't use your brain power trying to second guess the call tbing. IMHO - It didn't happen and OW has been picking up bits and pieces here and there and trying to put a good story together to make up the phone call story.

They are miserable, but you don't have to be. It's your choice.

Inanutshell,

I am ok now, I am still mad but I will be ok. I am going out with my MIL and SIL. So we will have a good time. MY MIL did talk to WH and he said well BS has the kids all the time and i wanted thm for the evening. My MIL told him well who's fault is that your the one who left. He told her don't go there. So now its my fault he don't see the kids everyday. Oh well he knows what to do ... Yeah in fact I talked to my mom and she said the same thing that OW is piecing together stuff to make it all up. Crazy stuff thats all I can say...

Anyhow I am off to get ready for my evening out and I will have a good time despite the [censored] lol .....

[color:"red"]Merry Christmas [/color]

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!

We love you and are praying for you...the kids...and yes for WH!

May OW get ashes and switches and a huge lump o' coal in her fishnet stockings!

Hi (((Hurting))). Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas! I know it's tough having a b-day so close to Christmas... my mom's is tomorrow!

I'm so glad you're going out with your MIL and SIL for a birthday dinner.

Praying for you and your family!

Oh and do NOT listen to them.

Why? If you CHOOSE TO INTERACT WTIH THE WH OR OW OR GET INTO THEIR LIES/DECEIT, IT WILL FUEL THEIR AFFAIR!

Let's do a post mortem on the recent events shall we? Warning: I HAVE CONSUMED CHARDONNAY...VERY GOOD ONE MIGHT ADD...ON GLASS NUMERO UNO!

OW claims she got angry phone call. Said it was YOU or YOUR FRIEND...or MIL...or somebody that HATES THE AFFAIR. Wow. What a nice person...! Sorry. Anyway, she conveys this to your WH...WH then defends his "property or territory" being the OW. He goes after the haters who did this injustice to their unjust affair.

OW feels that by his going after the perpetrator of the phone call she is loved. He feels studly doing so. They've stirred up crap again. And they are glowing in the love of their actions. A man who loves me will stand up for me! shouts ow. I love my OW and will guard her says WH.

So that's in a nutshell what has happened.

But WHAT HAS REALLY HAPPENED HERE? AND MOST IMPORTANTLY FROM A DISTANCE HOW CAN HURTING KEEP FROM GLUING THEM TOGETHER?

Simply...LET IT DIE. LEAVE THEM ALONE. Personally I believe it is THE OW WHO LIED AND MADE IT ALL UP. I THINK she felt the WH falling away from her...given his words 2 weeks ago. And she may be wanting this little drama before Christmas so she can KEEP WH IN HER CLUTCHES A TAD LONGER...and ESTRANGE HIM FURTHER FROM YOU...AND MAKE YOU...YOU YOU YOU THE ENEMY...AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MAKE YOU THE ENEMY THE COUPLE HATES!

Get it now?

YOU GIVING ANY CREDENCE...IE DENIAL, PROOF, ETC THAT IT WAS NOT YOU JUST FUELED THEIR FIRE! IT GAVE THEM KICKS. IT GLUED THEM TOGETHER A LITTLE LONGER.

Hurting, I love ya girl.

But when WS started to come back...YOU WERE IN A FIERCELY DARK PLAN B. AND HE RESPONDED! AND OW RESPONDED!

It is a point by point game my dear...game to save family and get WS home long enough to recommit to the marriage so you can at that point begin helping them make steps to really start the "saving " process.

ex: WS and OP do something meanspirited. Usually the OP. Designed for a time when the WS is waffling...anmd the OP fears they are losing them forever to the spouse waiting at home! Wait, you say HOW TWISTED IS THAT? BUT I SAY IT'S 100 PERCENT TRUE! Why? I know the most dastardly deeds done by OW in my case was when Darth was dragging his heels..in the inbetween time of the separation and divorce. He could not bring himself to move things forward. We were separated and he was torn. So OW made drastic choice to "pretend" to take her Birth Control pills! Of course we know she trapped him! You could say this phone call (made up call of course) is the same as the not taking the pill. It's designed to get the WS off the fence.

It is like what we do when we, the BS precipitate the crisis in a marriage to bring a head to it. To make the WS have a fog clearing moment. Whether we have a short and sudden plan B, whether we have D papers immediately filed after an unresponsive plan A, or whether we have a day in court where the judge serves legally the foggy their lunch and asks for their wallet and they get to see their kids less.

The OP do it too! They force ultimatums too! And some can be hidden, as this "call" is. Or they can be in your face.

Just know this is her M.O. And when you learn it well, you can learn EVEN IN PLAN B HOW TO MAKE IT BACKFIRE! First thing to do.
1)let it go. Sure she said some nasty accusations about you. My xh's ow/w did many! She called one of my guy friends a "scott peterson" lookalike at my ds' bitthday party in front of many friends. Most of whom stood there and had their mouths drop. She then yelled at me over phone afer ds' birth day shouting all kinds of nonsense at me and ASKING MY XH TO GO ALONG WITH HER...Let itgo. IF YOU ARGUE REMEMBER IT IS YOU VS. THEM. It is not you vs. OW. It is perceived as YOU vs. THEM.
2)If you want things to "get back" to WH and be in YOUR corner, you may plant a few words in the careful mouths of those you know will blab! Such as "I am so sad for my WH. I know he's hurting so badly. What with that woman and her mental state. Saying lies like that is a sign of an unsound mind. I SO HURT FOR HIM. HE IS A GOOD GUY."

When you say stuff like that...the good stuff is what is UNDERSTOOD BY THE WAYWARD...AFTER ALL, it's ALL ABOUT THEM! My xh can still to this day only understand things when you put it in perspective of what DARTH WILL LIKE VS. WHAT WILL MAKE DARTH HURT. So if you whisper something nice about WS and passive aggressive about OP, the WS only hears the NICE PART ABOUT THEM! And the fog busting can occur from afar!

3)understanding that the pain vs. reward factor! Yes this is important! I forget who said this (can somebody help me?)...that the stubborn ones out there...sometimes in order for their lives to change..they must want to change because they perceive there is greater pain than reward. Some are motivated by this believe it or not! Analyze that in regards to WH. What has he responded to? Easy. PAIN! He has responded to plan B. THAT has made him change. It's either the pain of not having you and his family vs. the reward of him changing and getting family back. Which is a greater motivator for him? Some people it's simply the pain.

That's why I know my xh is on the verge of divorce. What I saw paraded in my driveway tonight was a pathetic car filled with an other woman desperately trying to hold on to her man. Who probably clenched her teeth and foamed at the mouth when I appeared smiling cute and happy at my front door and invited my xh inside. I see his actions and know that it is the PAIN THAT MOTIVATES MY XH! He never before thought he could be moved by pain. But he is now! It is the pain of living with FV vs. the reward of working on his marriage. Right now the reward of getting reconciled is NOT LOOKING VERY APPEALING TO DARTH...and judging from what I saw, HIS PAIN IS NOW REAL.

I think your WH is on the verge. I'd plant a very few well placed words. Goal being to accomplish two things here: 1)say something nice about WH and 2)to convey that OW is a nut and that she is a liar...and see what happend...AND GO VERY DARK!

This way, THE AFFAIREES WILL HAVE TO FIGHT AGAINST EACH OTHER WHEN YOU REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE EQUATION.

After the "well placed words" come back to you, retort to the same people that "I am outta this. They can deal with this..I am done with their affair."

And do it!

Stay DARK AS THE BLACKEST HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE. They will begin LB'ing all over the place. She will accuse him of something...probaboly CHEATING WITH YOU...and she will become just like my xh's ow/wife foaming at the mouth mad~!

And then through pain, your WH will begin to see thru the fog!

stay dark. stay silent after you do this...it will backfire against them and will work in favor for you.

wise words peachy!

Then you should do them too! OP can be quite devious! I am particularly aiming at ow/wife now b/c she has DELIBERATELY TAKEN THIS TO THE LEVEL I WOULD NEVER SINK TOO...going to hurt my ds.

3.5 weeks ago she said a comment, very mean and using a swear word about my DS. DS TOLD ME! She basically said "DS is a f'ing parrot of his mom DS is a bad kid because of this!" That is what she said...my ds heard it and told his dad! Dad , (darth) could NOT believe that OW said that and it was the event that precipitated their most recent separation. Darth packed up clothes and DS during his visitation time and they moved to a hotel. Now that they're reconciled, OW/Stepmonster is behaving most abhorently! She did NOT feed my ds twice during this week when DS was supposed to be with darth during the day (ds was sick) b/c he could not go to school program for the working parents. So Darth thought that he could watch ds and go home early from office while I was working and I picked up ds at the townhome after work to keep ds rested. Darth said that FV would be nice and watch him...Darth promised all was fine. But then DS told me she did NOT feed him...all she did was talk on the phone, watch tv, hang on internet, and my ds and the poor baby were there. My ds said the baby wandered the house and was hungry too. That all FV did was cry on phone...and ds said to a bf!

So yea, I am aiming for her. I am aiming to shoot her down! And use her own self proclamations against her! She says she is a great mom...well then, why does a great mom not feed the kids? Why does a great mom choose TWICE TO NOT TAKE MY DS TO THE DOCTOR WHEN HE IS SICK? Easy. She is all about her.

Take em down! Remember, thinking clearly can do it!

Peachy,

Thank you for the wise words. I personally have not responded to WH or OW. In fact the only thing said was by my SIL and MIL who defended myself and my other SIL.

WH told my SIL that he knew it was not me who called but one of my friends. SIL told him nope she has not talked to anyone so can't be that. Her and my MIL both told him how do you know this really happened? So I don't know if how they responded to him made him madder or maybe making him think.

I am not responding to any of this. I am letting it go and letting them argue this without me. I agree that OW is feeling the waffeling of WH and had to do something to pull him back.... I hope it all backfires on her.... I know exactlly who to say good things to about the WH to and I know it will get back to him....

Anyhow had a nice dinner at SIL'S tonight , WH was not a topic of conversation except for talking about the kids. All in all was a good evening.

Again thanks for beng here today .....

Sad Mommy,

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas for you and DD. Keep your chin up and head held high your doing great in dealing with all of this. Don't give up hope......

Prayers to all of you ....


Hurting