oklahoma

I remembered that you shared a concern about presents for your children in one of your posts. How did this work out?

Eav,

Sorry to say the only presents theywill recieve is the ones their dad got them and the rest of the family. After paying bills i had no spare dollars.

they said they understand, DS especially. I feel so bad this is the first time I have never been able to get them anything... But next year will be better... I will try and get them something after the first of the year.

WH just brought the kids home about 30 mins ago.

He got them nice things, that makes me feel good. DS said he wished I had been there it would have been more fun. He felt funny being with his dad and OW. I didn't ask anyting except for did you have a good time. He said OW and WH acted like things were ok between them.Which it maybe who knows. The only thing he was really upset about was that DD called OW mom the whole time. He said he would never do that because she is no mom to him. It hurts me but I am saying nothing about it.

DD said that some people I know who are friends with OW took her aside and was asking how I was , DD said she told them I was doing fine. They said well tell your mom HB and Merry Christmas from us. They didn't want OW and WH to know they were asking about me. I gues the one thing that hurt me the most was that WH couldn't even say HB to me.

He said WH asked him to ask me if he could come Monday and get our dogs for the day. Well I am not going to let him have them. He misses them but to bad he walked away and has not wanted them before now so I am going to refuse his request.

I just want this holiday and this whole nightmare over....
But I know things will get better one way or another....

(((hurting)))

I hope you and the kids have a very Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone.......

Well the day has not been to bad. We had a nice time with my MIL and family. We all tried not to talk about it but WH'S non-presense was felt by all.

I did pretty good though I held up well. We exchanged gifts and had breakfast. Since I had no gifts to give anyone I wrote my SIL's and MIL a letter to let them know how much I appreciated them. I didn't expect the tears but they happened. MY SIL said the letter meant more to her than anything I could have gotten her.

About the only thing said about WH was that he did stop in to see his mom last night after dropping the kids off, she figures because he felt guilty because of what she said tohim on the phone yesterday. So MIL gave him his christmas present she bought him , he had nothing for her not even a card. I felt so bad for her. Its one thing to do me this way but his own mother...... He told her he has to work today so thats why he would not see her today, well we know that was a lie. DS ratted him out on that one. Guess he just didn't wan to risk running into me today or something or rather OW didn't want him to run into me...

Anyhow I talked to my sister today and she upset me. She kept asking me how much longer was I going to keep this hope up and that its been 7 months I need to move on and divorce him ... blah blah... I told her I will do what I feel when the time is right. She was talking about repsecting myself, I said what you dont think I repsect myself because I want to save my marriage? She pretty much said yes, I said well you know what I love my H and I know he is in there somewhere and for now I am keeping my hope. Yes maybe he will never come back but I have to do this in my own time. I finally had to get off the phone with her. I know she means well but she just don't get it.

But anyways the day actually was pretty good. I missed my H but I made it through it all and actually had a few laughs. I am off to take a little nap now, didn't sleep well last night kept having dreams. First dreams I have had in months only good one was the one where I was choking the crap out of OW. Tobad I can't really do it, and smack the heck outta WH.

Hope all of you had a wonderful day !!!!!

Hurting
I too get those people that say "What you haven't filed yet?" If it was me and my H did that to me I would have already been divorced. I tell them "well that's you and not me and if you have never been in this situation you don't know what I am going through." They might look at it differently if it were them!!! I know I refuse to give up because I still believe there is hope and I believe that for you too.

Worldofthelost,

I agree n one should say anything if they have never walked in our shoes. They have no idea what it feels like.

I will always have hope until something shows me different. And for now the only thing that would make me lose hope besides death would be him amrrying the OW and thats not going to happen anytime soon.

Somedays hope is all that keeps me going. I know maybe in time the hope will fade and I won't care anymore bt until that happens I won't give up on my H or marriage. And from what I read in your posts you are the same as me.

I have faith that all will work out for both of us, we just have to be patient and let God handle this in his own way. He will let us know in our hearts what to do when the time is right.... For now we just need to focus on ourselves and make life good for us and prepare for whatever happens. Either way it will be a long hard road. But we can do it, I just know it.....

Star used to have a saying on her profile - I can get divorced any time, but I only have NOW to work on my marriage. Good come-back for sis who is anxious to see you move to the next phase.

Kayla,

Thats a very good comeback.... I will remember that.

I know my family hurts for me and hate seeing me go through this so I do understand. They worry that if we do manage to get back together he will do this again and that I would really fall apart.... I also understand that to but like I told my sis, this is my life and my choices and no you may not like them but I expect you to respect them....

I am going to do what I feel is right and as much s I love my family they can't live my life for me and push me into make rash descions. Maybe they would have a hard time accepting WH back but thats their choice and I respect that....

Well said Hurting. Yes our sitchs seen so much alike it is really spooky. I do understand how you feel as do most of us on this board.

God will guide us and prayers will keep us going.

Peachy,

I just re-read your post to me. You mentioned his words from 2 weeks ago and you feel he could be waffeling and on the verge. As good as this sounds to me I have a hard time thinking this could be the case. Because less than a week later he gave me the I love you but not in love with you speech again and how he had felt nothing when he saw me. He took back most of hat he said. And some of what he said he claimes he didn't say or don't rmemeber it. I know he is a WH and his mind is scrambled but I jusr don't know.....

All I can do now is stay dark and just let this play out. I have talked to his mom and showed her your post as well and she agreed with you. We have decided as a family to say no more to hm about this affair or the OW. We are all going to let it ride. As far as saying nice things about him and how we feel sad for him or hurt for him we are going to do that around people. Especially DD as she tells him everything.... But as for the rest of us its dark for me and the others are just going to ignor the affair and say no more.... Seems the more is said the more he defends it and justifies of course it does not fly and he gets confused and tonguetied, kinda funny actually....

So thats pretty much the plan for now, it will either make it or break it.... Praying for the breaking though....

Merry Christmas Oklahoma. I like the "I can get D'd any ole time" response too. Have a good night and a bright tomorrow.

Hi Hurting...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you...

I think JustPeachy's analysis of your current WH crisis was WONDERFULLY WISE...

Later..

Happy Belated Birthday to you. I had a very nice Christmas. My DD and her H came and stayed the night with me last night. We had a wonderful time. My WH did not so much as call his parents for Christmas. I spent yesterday afternoon with his family then went to my mother's last night and to my dad's tonight. Too bad our WH can't see what is right in front of them. I hope you have a happy new year and your situation will turn out the way you want. 2006 has got to be better.

Well I did good this morning. I went shopping and bough me some clothes from he birthday money my mom sent me. It was so much fun buying something for me. I needed the clothes bad since i lost so much weight.

I was feeling so good when I got home. Then it happened my SIL came to the house and said WH called wanting to know where the kids are. She said she didn't know why? He said he was suppose to come get them for the day. She said well we didn't know. He said BS should have known, well I didn't.
So I asked the kids about this and they said they knew he wanted to but they didn't want to go. So instead of telling him that they said nothing. So here we go again I am being blamed for something I had no idea about.

WH was also mad that the kids got upset xmas eve when I got upset because he was not bringing them back for our plans. He said BS knew they were going to the party and was trying to make him feel bad because i requested them back by 6. SIL told him thats not how it happened. DD had told us that OW didn't want them at the party and thats why I asked for him to have them back by 6. WH said thats not true, SIL told him maybe so but thats what DD told all of us so don't get mad at BS because she went by what was told to her. So now WH is mad at DD for telling lies.

Anyhow he is not coming to get them today, and he said he would get them next weekend. So SIL told him to make sure he lets her know so this misunderstanding don't happen again.

So now everything that does not go his way is my fault. He thinks I am trying to cause him problems and I am doing nothing. I just feel like all this anger he is showing against me is just going to push him further away than he already is. I can't win for losing at all.....

Good for you! Hope you enjoyed the shopping spree.

We're at home and feeling yucky <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

That's why I am online. Getting ready for some good coffee...starbucks breafast blend.

I sure hope the man wakes up. Really do. And I am so happy that the blessing of the after Christmas spree just cheered u up!

Remember this is NOT about you. It is about a man who is crazy right now.

Be thrilled you look good in the clothes! Do something nice for the kids! Holidays aren't over yet girl!

Keep up doing good! You can do it.

By NOT involving yourself in a he said/she said thing...you let them fight it out. I learned that part the hard way. I wanted to lecture him. Tell him why he was wrong, how it was so wrong. And only when I quit doing it...did their dynamics change...but sadly, again too late for me.

But it does make delaing with him now easier. When he's not fogged, he is pleasant to talk to...remotely...I still have a darn good memory.

Peach,

I am not getting into a he said /she said thing with him. I just want him to stop blaming me for all his misery. I was the one who told him he needs to spend more time with the kids. I also am the one who told him anytime he wants them I had no problem wih it. I am not making him stick to the visitation scheduale. But he keeps acting this way and I may just do that.

Its not my fault the kids didn't say anything because if they had I would have made sure they were ready to go. I don't have any problem with him seeing them at all. But yet its my fault again. It just makes me feel like he is not happy and miserable so he has to find someone to get mad at and I'm the target without saying or doing anything.

Maybe I am wrong but I feel like affair land is having some problems and instead of dealing with each other they are looking to me to blame......

Say these things not to him...or to anybody else for now.

That's the he said she said being passed around by even good intended folk hon!

Just post it here. We know. We get it. And it helps to unload here!

Let them fight it out! Let their love begin to morph into the ugly truth it is really! Let it happen. Let the fantasy meld into a stress filled daily routine with plenty of shame tossed in for good measure.

You can help this out by doing nothing.

Do nothing.

Say nothing.

Do not whisper anything into ears except..."I feel so much hurt for Ws. He must be going thru so very much." Say stuff like that...it will get back 2 him. And he'll begin to think that he is really suffering from stress! if everybody around him believes he is.

Imagine if you walked into a room w/your relatives. One says to you..wow hurting..you look so stressed. ARe you? You say well maybe at home ...or at work...then they say something else...and then before you know it, you are BELIEVING you are stressed out. You then hear how your loving bH said that he worried about you b/c you were so stressed out.

All these people thik you are stressed out. And you begin to buy into it. AFter all these people care about me...being stressedis not negative...it is a fact.

And to an egomaniac, having people say they are sorry he's so stressed out will play well into his happiness! And then if he believes he's stressed, the OW might be the cause! You can have them somewhat plant that too.

Or an old "it's go to be SO HARD dealing with somebody new when you've not even really ever been single. WE bet the OW is probably putting lots of presure on you..you know..the question? She is probably expecting TOO MUCH from you. No wonder honey you're so stressed out!

Wow that'd be a good one!

Poor guy. People are worried about him. He's soooo stressed out! And he has never been single either!

And you can start that rumor! But it has to be carefully planned and made to look like poor WS...you hurt for him. He is so good...and being used and stressed out further by the clutches of the ow.

I like that one!

This summer when Darth separated I tried it. I said during our talks...that "it's got to be so hard. You never had any time to yourself. That's so hard. And she probably doesn't understand you either," He immediately opened up and was nice as pie <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

See? And you can do this from afar my hon!

Ok I have a question....

Today at Wal-mart I ran into someone who told me some things that really bothered me.

This person without coming out and saying the actual words hinted to me that these phone calls to the OW and the one to WH about me dating were set ups to make him angry at me. Of course we all here suspected that anyway.

Should I say anything around the ears we know will let it get back to WH? Would this make him agrier or maybe get him to wondering? His mom already told him she thinks it was all made up and he of course defended OW saying she would never do that... So should I say something or let it go?

You said it here Hurting....your WH is under satan's control and dominion, and you are the target, and he will do and say anything for a battle. And if he can't get to you he will go after the children. Resist it. God please send your angles and fight the battles for Hurting and her children. Guard them...we pray.

Lady

DARK!! DARK!! DARK!!!

Deep down in the hole dark, Hurting...

Stay out of it and let them self-destruct.....