Here are some simple questions for all the FWS's out there who have decided to come back. How long was it from d-day that it took you to see that the magic of the affair wasn't what you thought it would be? How long did it take to see that the OP wasn't all what they appeared to be. For you, how long did this "Fog" last? And lastly, when you did come to these realizations did you realize that you wanted your marriage back immediately and was there a definite change in your thinking that you could now see?

You see, as a BS I need what is in your heads. I appreciate any input. Thanks

Treb

My FWW's A lasted about 3 months before she realized what she was doing. After D-day (she came to me and confessed) it took about 7 weeks for her to get over OM and really cherish what we had and could have.

My H and I live separate for two years when I had an A. There was no MB going on, I just sat and ate cake for two years. A plan B would have gotten me home probably 18 months earlier.

My H has been involved in an A for 3-4 months, he has moved out, I am not in plan B at this time. I need to make some love bank deposits first, it is hard to get them in when he is not living at home.

Thanks for the input. I appreciate it.

My A lasted for 6 months before D-Day. It took me probably about a month before I came back, but I was still thinking about OM so recovery was a bust and I ended up breaking NC. After the second D-day though, it took me probably about a day before I was truly repentant and wanting to work. And now I am doing all that I can and more to show my H just how sorry I am and how much I believe in our M.

Thank you cinnymd.

I've been watching your posts and I hope things are coming along. Looks like your H at least has an interest in saving your M. Baby steps eh.

Can I ask whether it was you or the OM that broke it off?

Trebor,

Yes, baby steps. There are days when I would love to see some "toddler" steps, but I am grateful that the steps he is taking are not steps backwards.

I am the one that broke it off with OM. We stopped talking a while ago. I had written an official NC letter about a month and a half ago that I was waiting on my H to approve before I sent it. He kind of had a "whatever" attitude, so I finally set a deadline last week and told him, even though there hadn't been any contact, I was still going to send it with our without him there if he was ok with that. So my best friend and I created an e-mail account (she knew half the password and I knew half the password so neither of us could ever do anything with it). We sent the letter, then cancelled the e-mail account.

cinnymd,

How some of us BS wish our WS would have the same attitude as you.

Trebor,

Yeah, I get that a lot. I just hope that my H can feel the same one of these days.

Scrolling through some older posts and found this. I was shocked and hurt that my h didn't end his A as soon as I knew about it. It continued in full swing until he got transfered to another job, and there was still daily contact for several more weeks that. I see that is the "norm" in many of these cases.

My wife's EA lasted about 2 months...and it was about 3-4 weeks after D-Day that she commited to rebuilding our marriage.

BUT...the fog concerning 'really' seeing the OM for what he was, the EA for what it was, and her role in all of this...that very gradually broke down over about 6-8 months post D-day. She continually indicated that he was a good person, that it might have worked out between them for a good while. I was SHOCKED the first time in MC when she commented that she'd been thinking about the whole thing and started to see where he'd really been playing her emotions to get what he wanted.

It varies considerably on the people, the length and intensity of the A, etc... It seems to take much more time for the fog to clear when there was an emotional attachment (EA) involved...and a combination of EA and PA together is even worse.