i know that my ww would like to contact op , but due to i m at home, she could not make such contact openly. but i do know she would like to do it after work.

I have a question, because my ww can not meet this op often.
mostly they contact via telephone, but very seldom meet each other. in this case i wonder how long will it take for my ww to get to know real op since they can not meet each other quite often.
At end of this month , there are 1 week holiday for my WW, i just plan to make the trip by myself in order to give my ww freedom to use this week to meet this op to get to know how will it be like with this op, otherwise she just keep missing this op ,thinking this op is perfect in the world.

please give me suggestion, should i take the trip for myself to give them a try?

NO!!!

but if i stay home, my wife will feel i m controlling her freedom, it soulds i force her not to contact this op.
but i really hope my ww is willing be at home with me instead of thinking of op at home with me.

if it continuce like this, how long will they really get to know each other?

Why not just invite the OP to your house for a week while you move out and go to hotel? They would be able to get to know each other better that way.

Do you have a comfy enough bed for the OP? Do you know what size he wears in case he needs to wear your clothes?

i am sure if i take this trip for one week, my ww will visit this op at other city .
but if i at home, she will have to be home with me, but what is meaning for her to stay with me but thinking of this op.

You would make her go to another city to see the OP? Thats' sort of rude. Why can't he come to your house? Shouldn't she have that freedom? Isn't it her house and her bed too?

I mean, if she sees him and carries the affair to the next level, she will stop thinking of him, right? Right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> [how does that logic work exactly?] Or would she do what most affairees do and think of him MORE?

hi,MelodyLane
thank you for your reply.
please tell me your suggestion. i really do not know how i can handle it ?
should i always monitor my ww? will she feel that i am controlling her?
now i try to plan a, but i do not know how long i will take it if i still see that she is thinking of this op all the time

Another thought. Since the goal is for her to "stop missing him," wouldn't that happen if he MOVED IN? If he moved in, he would be there and she wouldn't miss him anymore.

Yep... that's the way that it works. You make it easy and possible for the "enemy" of your marriage to infiltrate your sector...

You are just one battle away from a war. Why would you open the door for the enemy to walk right in? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

committed

You're all over the board here...pine...

You need to find out what is going on really...and you need a plan. You are tossing out ideas...and doing something really dumb...YOU'RE LISTENING TO THE WORDS AND RAMBLINGS OF A WS!

They spend their days in affair mode doing the equivalent of spewing raw sewage outta their mouths. It's all b.s.

So she misses him. I'd learn principles here. I would quit allowng their affair to continue without any repurcussions.

Expose affair to her family, work friends if she works, and if OM has a wife. I'd call OMH and find out! I'd find out as much as I could about OM. And I'd expose him too!

If she wants to leave for a week and see him...she can...but she can remember if she walks out door, that she is not welcomed back by you unless NC. Meanwhile you change locks, etc. I'd do a good plan A for a while and expose...

read what some have done here ok? Get some ideas.

But do NOT let this happen....OP are crazy basically. They are wacked out addicted liars who will say and do anything to make themselves feeeeeeel good.

ok, pinetree, all kidding aside. You must be smoking crack if you think the answer to your problem is to faciliate your W's affair. It will not make her think of him LESS, but will make her think of him MORE because it will elevate the affair to a new level.

You should very much try to "control" your wife when she is ****** bent on destroying your marriage, herself and your family. Do you understand me? If a robber is trying to get into your house and harm you, you try to CONTROL him, don't you? Well, it is the same principle.

What you should do is everything in your power to BUST UP ["control"] this affair. You do that by snooping and exposing the affair to the OM's wife, his family, your W's family, your family, close friends. Your job is to make the make the affair a very uncomfortable place to be.

Then, if she does not end her affair, you go into Plan B, which is a seperation by asking her to leave.

But, your idea to allow her to see the OM because she "misses" him is insane. If you love your W, then you should help her be GOOD, not bad. You should not help her destroy your marriage.

Who is this OM? Is he married? Does he live with his parents? What does he do for a living? You need to go after this guy.

no, the goal is completely to end my ww affair.
i have done the explosure, now plan a about 3 weeks.
but she still stuck in this affair, after i try to plan a and then a little bit distance her , she begin to call me every day short before she drives home after work, when her affair just began, she never give me a call.

To whom did you expose the affair? Who is this guy?

i have confronted this om, and i know where he works, but i can not find where he lives, but i did not find any other family member from this op.

yesterday i put a notice in our entrance door saying this flat does not welcome to ww to live here. and also saying the affair is an animal which must be slayed for the good for the family.

after i put this letter on the door, i went out on purpose.
i m sure when my ww came home from work, she saw this letter hanging on our door. but this time when i came home she seems very quiet , did not say anything. and slept on the couch whole night, at first i want to wake her up to let her go bed, but later i deceided not do so, because i have told her i will not treat her as my real w until she show me what she would like to do with our marriage.
but till now she did not show any remorse .i just simply can not bear it.
so during my plan a, there is also something like half plan b( i mean to try distance her on purpose)

ok, first off, stop trying to humiliate your W by putting signs on the door. Secondly, expose the affair to her family, your family and any close friends. You might want to also expose to his boss and/or the Human Resource dept where he works.

What does he do for a living?

DO NOT tell her you are going to do this exposure. Just go and do it.

In the meantime, find out if the OM is married and if so, contact his wife.

Plan A and Plan B are supposed to be one at a time. For now, stick to Plan A and that means, no lovebusters and doing your best to meet her needs. Let her back in your bed if she will come. She needs to know that you will welcome her back into the marriage if she gives up her affair.

i explose this to friends of my ww and her colleages and our neighbours.

After explosure, i did see my ww are not so depressed as the time when her affair just began .

and i do the plan a and in between i also try to distance her on purpose, for example, before i am always at home to wait for her to come home , but last week, i just went home later , so she begin to give me call, but i also try to not to pick up. ect.

it seems the situation is better, but she still never came to me take about her affair.
and this op live in another city which is not far.

Will you go read "what are Plan A and Plan B " in the link in my signature? Do you have any of the Harley books, such as Surviving an Affair? That would be a good book.

It is not helpful to distance yourself from her. Your goal is to attract her back to the marriage so that it looks like an attractive alternative. If you push her away, you are just pushing her towards the OM. Do you see that?

Instead, do everything you can attract her back and show her that there is hope in your marriage.