Since your wife shows no remorse and continues to find ways to contact the OM; tell her their are consequences to her actions. If she is so unhappy and refusing to be a wife, showing no remorse for putting your health at risk and betraying your marriage; then inform her you plan to seek out an attorney and move forward without her. If this does not wake her up then nothing will. It just makes no sense being a doormat and encouraging her to go screw the OM for a week. When she returned she would just want more from him
.
Clearly your wife has little respect for you. It is important that you have respect for yourself. She is not the only woman on this planet for you. When she realizes you are not going to continue to put up with this crap reality will most likely set in. If she does not care then what is the point being married to a person like this who does not wish to be with you and has no problem cheating on you?

Pinetree, LOL, I thought that was a great notice to give her, if you are in plan B!!

ok, thanks
another question.
Recently my ww seems would like to have SF with me, i really do not know what i should do. because i know my ww did not see this op often .
and i have once told her it is not fair for op if she make SF with me ,even just use me. of course i say so because my ww lost sex desire with me when her affair just began.

In this case should i show her the intimate touch etc?
because i remembered clearly, when her affair began, she do not like this at all from me.

so now i just wonder if i need show her some affecation if she allows me. and if i SF with her, will it make her to fence-sitting again?
please suggest!

“but if i stay home, my wife will feel i m controlling her freedom, it soulds i force her not to contact this op.”

Marriage is the giving up of certain freedoms in order to get others. You get respect, love, support…. You sacrifice the right to fool around and “look for better options”.

So you think it might be a good idea for her to evaluate the other guy? Are you hoping that you come out on top in such an evaluation? It’s like going to a used car lot on your old Pinto and coming back in the same car cause you couldn’t find anything better at the price. Don’t mean you are happy with the Pinto. Will look again next weekend.

DON´T GIVE HER ANY CHANCE OF COMAPRING THE TWO OF YOU SIDE BY SIDE! Give her the choice him or you – not both. And possibly take her with you on the week’s vacation. If that’s too expensive then just hole up the two of you at a remote motel and work on your relationship.

Pinetree,

Have you asked your W to make an agreement you with that she will never contact the OM again? Have you told her to sumbit a No Contact Letter to the OM from her telling him that she will never contact him again, and he must never contact her again?

Lady

i have just told her the affair must be ended. and i can see she felt gulity also, and she also is so afraid of something, she seems afraid of me from her eyes.
and she never talked about her affair with me, just simply put it behind as if nothing happended. although i am plan a to her, but she simply is very easy to get annoyed and looks very unhappy and very anxious.
especially last whole week, i try to distance her, which make her very nervous, which seem make her no time to think about op.
but when she knew i m at home waiting for her and when she is with me together at home, she seems to begin to think of op again.

only when i suddenly out of sight from her, which make her to fall her thinking on me.

pinetee,

She has 2 men on her mind. It doesn't matter where or when. She always will until she makes no contact with OM.
She will have to get over the withdrawl of the OM, and she cannot do that if she is still contacting him.


What did she say when you said the affair must be ended.

Has she agreed to end the affair with OP?

Ask her if she is thinking of the OP, tell her she can talk to you about it.



Lady

i just told her there is only two choices for her, either she is honest with our marriage or she is honest with this op.

And ask her to explain this affair to me , and told her without her explanation, i will not treat her as my real wife. but she just kept silent. would not into this topic.
and i do not like to force her to do so, maybe she is so afraid of something.

in this month, ww is staying with me all the time, but i m sure she contacted this op via telephone some time in this month behind me.

Pinetree,

""i explose this to friends of my ww and her colleages and our neighbours. After explosure,""

I love the explose and explosure! This says it all mucho better!!

What I hear you saying is when she is with you she thinks of OM and when you are away, she thinks of you. You want to get her to always think of YOU...and not think of OM, ever.

So you treat her like a goddess, like you did when you were dating. If she wants SF, you give her the best SF she ever had. You show her that you are the best man in the world for her. You make your home a safe sanctuary for her.

You must insist that she stop all contact with OM. Has she ever said she would stop contact with OM? She must send OM a No Contact letter, which says she wants to save her marriage, and to do that, she cannot have any contact with OM.

You still must snoop, though. Get a voice activated tape recorder and hide it by the phone. Check your phone bill closely.

And to answer your first post...NO, you do not let her meet with OM ""to get it out of her system"". It will only go deeper into her system, and she will think of OM more.

No Contact must happen...then she will be in withdrawal, missing him. Let her miss him, but DO NOT let her contact him!! That will cancel all the withdrawal time and she (and you) will have to start over.

After the withdrawal stops, you must continue to work on your M so there will be no reasons to wander.

k

hi, but how i can control her to not see this om.

just like today she told me she want to shopp by herself.
i knew it is big lie, how can i say to her , no, you can not, you must stay at home with me.

Today i am feeling very bad, because i just take one day off for her to give her more time to accompany her, but she still treat me like this.

now i have plane a about one month, i really do not know how long i can still hold on this if she kept lying to me and see this om, especially i do not know how i can force her to stay at home, she seems always have excuse to go out by herself.

everytime she left in front of my eyes, i am feeling very very sad.
should i go to plan b now?

pinetree, it is not time to go into Plan B yet. First you must do your best to bust up the affair by exposing it effectively. It will also be important to do your best to meet her needs and stop lovebusting.


Did you read my other post to you yesterday on your other thread?

yes, i read.
i have explose the affair to her friends, but my ww have very few friends, so i explose the affair to our neighours and also her family about one month ago. then i begin to plan a about one month, but in the middle i have done a little bit distance her on purpose.

then i continue to plan a, no LB. and she also saw what i have changed i m sure, but she just can not stop .

most of time they contact with each other via telephone, because this guy worked in another city, only one day per work visit our city.
and at present there is no any conditon for my ww and this op living together.
if my ww visit her, just spent several hours there and went to home.

so in this case , i do not know if i go to plan b, if plan b will work for me , another reason is if i plan b, but my ww will not move out since she can not pay the extra fee for rent. Should i move out to stay darkneess.
and i know my ww is so afraid of to at home alone.

The things to do before you Plan B are...
1. Plan A

2. Expose to all.

3. Tell her she needs to stop all contact with him by making a NO CONTACT letter to him, and showing it to you before she gives it to him. If she refuses to give him a No Contact Letter then you should plan B.

When you do Plan B, and she tells you that she cannot afford to live herself in a flat. Tell her she should have thought of that before having an affair. It's not your problem if she can afford it or not at that point.

Lady

hi, my ww just came back. i told her if she still on the contact, pleae move out.
but she is so angery to me saying i m not trusting her, and it is not possilbe for her to move out.
i try my best keep calm, but obviously when she hear that i let her move out, she is very very angry.

what i should i do next? if she do not want to move out, how can i plan b, should i move out, since we do not have child.

please give suggestion

Who"s name is the flat in?

Has she agreed to no contact with OM with a letter to him?

Tell her it will help you trust her when she gives the OM a NO CONTACT letter. If not you cannot allow her to have 2 men. Her choice.

no, she do not want .

this flat was bought in her name, but both of us sign the buying contract.
i am afraid if i force her to move out, which will be LB, i plan to move out by myself. since she is afarid of stay home alone, and i do not think this guy will move in after i move out, because this guy work in other city, suppose he can move in, but only stay one day or two.

but besides i move out, i really have other idea to plan b.
since she just told me i do not trust her ect, bla bla and very very angry. so i do not really what i should do next.

hi, now when i try to calm down to talk to you, she simply do not want to hear, that is means she simply do not want to communicate it with me with any thing.

if i talk to her, she just show very upset and angery.

She should be angry at herself for what she is doing. It is still not clear to me if she has made an agreement to stop seeing OM.

Lady