I live on a military base. Life just being in the military is hard let alone finding out your H had an A. When i first found out i was upset, mad all those emotions. Well i went to my "friend" or at least i thought she was. I was staying at my parents when i found all of what my H did.
In august i went back home thinking it would be best for me and my children. My children are to young to understand what happened and with us working on our M Im not even going to tell them. I go home and all these people know what happened. Now it being 4 months since D-day and everyone looking at me like im a piece of sh*t. They all want to confront my H when he comes home from Iraq. He will be home this Jan. and I just cant wait to see him. I miss him more than anything right now. I have already told them dont say anything to him but I know behind my back one of them is going to say something to him. In my mind the only person he has anything to prove to is me, not them. I wont even know these people in 2.5yrs. They have problems of their own to worry about let alone worry about whats going on in my life. I just want a nice way to say something to them.
My H is the type of person who will tell these women what he thinks of them and everything. I just dont want everything that we have been working on since all this happened to go down the drain.

Unfortunately it is humiliating.

I'm of the school of thought, that it is right and proper for his society to be angry with him, it makes an example for others in the social group, and it counters the sex-sells media culture that glorifies Affairs. Sorry but on some level he will have to deal with the societal consequences of what he has done and that is as it should be.

However, I also think that you do need to tell your friends that you appreciate their concern, but this is your marriage and you are going to deal with it on your terms, and you will not tolerate interference from anyone.

You need to start right now setting up proper boundaries with your neighbors. No one has the right to try to run your life for you, and even if they think you're being a "pushover" that is your choice to make. Let them know that if they do not respect your boundaries they will not be welcome around you or your children and you will cut them out of your life, if they persist in trying to tell what to do or how to live.

In all my life, I have seen so many people get into other people's business and tell them how to run things, but I have never had that problem myself, I think because I make it really clear that I'm the captain of this ship, and I will not tolerate any monkey business. If you don't talk to them, what they say will not affect you.

Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it alot. I know i have to tell my neighbors to stay out of my business. These people are just so two-faced. They arent good people to be around. I made the biggest mistake of even letting them know, i blame myself for that. I know my H has done wrong i dont stick up for any of his actions. I guess i just come off as a nice person who gets along with everyone. I hold in what I am thinking and i usually end up telling my mom and stuff what they wanna do instead of actually telling them myself. I just dont know. My H is the type of guy where if they do say something to him he will tell them exactly how he feels about them. I need to have a talk with them and i need to do this ASAP.

Ronaile, I can fully understand that you needed someone to talk to, especially since your H is so far away, and neighbors are the closest thing to friends even if they aren't the best...
All that said, though, you need to make it crystal clear to these *friends* that your marriage and your decisions and your recovery AND your husband's are NOT up for discussion. If they can't be friendly to your marriage, you can't let them be part of your lives. Their choice.

I am back home in PA right now, I couldnt stand being down there w/o my H. They have been so two faced to me telling me things and then talking and calling me stupid for giving him a second chance. I've listened and helped out with ther marriage problems and i've never once thought they were stupid for giving their H's a second chance. Most of them on the base have either cheated or have been cheated on so who are they to judge me? I talked to my H yesterday morning. I told them about what is going on and he told me that when i do go back home to maybe look for housing off post. That way we have neighbors and they wont meddle in our business. Its just a bunch of petty crap they are trying to start thats about it. I know i have a long tough road ahead of me and im ready for it. I just think when i go home i will let them know that you either except me for who i am and my family or just dont be a part of our lives. I can make friends with other families in our unit other then them.

Good idea leaving while he's away. Um...3rd Infantry? Hehe, I have a house there to rent out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> LOL!!!!!!

Go check the recovery board, I started a new post for ya. Hang tough.

CamoKnightsWife:

Thanks, I was gone most of his deployment living w/ my parents while i was pregnant. He didnt meet this girl til he was home on leave so it was a one night stand. I moved back home this past august only find myself miserable by them. So now im back home until after christmas....I got my countdown started til when he will be home lol...yep 3rd ID i'll tell him about it hehe....