i will plan b in about 2 months, today i told my ww if two months later she will be still in contact with this om, i will let her leave, but my questions is : since this flat was bought in her name and sure both of us have to sign the buying contract when it was bought.if she is not willing to move out what should i do?

Is there any lawful way for me to do it right to let her go?

any suggestion please

It depends on the state you live in. In California (community property state), even though the house is in one name, it belongs to both spouses if it was purchased during the marriage using joint funds.

You might have file court papers to get her out, and that is no guarantee. It is better if you can get her to agree out of fairness. But that is often difficult with a WS.

If you signed the contract the deed should be in both names.

hi, thanks for your reply.
because i do know it will be very difficult for her to move out since she can not pay for the rent and i do not think so she will live with this op, because this op live in another city, and ww must work here.

Another question: today i want write a notice letter to my ww.

The content will be like this.

To my dear wife:

In order to protect our family , the following 3 months of your mobil phone will be checked it to see if the contact is still on, if during these 3 months, there will be show any sign that the contact is on , you , as ww , will be locked outside for ever. because this our flat and our marriage need peace and respect .
ww , is not my real w.
Howver the door of this flat will be open for my real w for ever!


I just wonder if i could put this letter notice on our entrance door , which can be seen by other people, because i really want to expose my ww affair further.

please give me a suggestion if it is fine with it.
thanks

pinetree,

Don't threaten your wife. Don't say, I will punish you if you do such and such. Make clear cut boundaries for yourself. Make them known to your wife. If your boundaries are not respected, you take action. Think about YOR actions and YOUR boundaries, not about controlling your WH and her actions ... that's not going to work.

Forget about posting a note on the door quasi to your wife for the neighbors to see. this sounds more like a childish form of vengence. I think you should read more about Plan A until you really understand it. Please take a look at the link in my signature. Perhaps that will help.

Check with a lawyer first. As was said before I don't think you can prevent her from living in her home for infidelity. If you live in the US most states don't even consider infidelity in divorces.

here another question:
due to my ww can not see this op often, i suppose if she make the contact with op, which should be via telephone.
Here i want to know one of EN from my ww is SF, however since after her affair , i can not exactly tell when she wants or not.
sometimes she is distance from me , but sometimes it seems that she want me to SF with her, i am quite confused about it, do not know if i should do it with her right now.
i have seen a post saying that during the a, SF should be avoided.
i want to know if it is so when i am trying to fill one of her needs when i m planing a her.
suggestion please

pinetree, my good friend, do I have to hawgtie you? SLOW DOWN! Don't give your wife a date in which she has to end contact, that is just giving her permission to have an affair for 2 months! And she will take it!!

Instead, work on 2 things:

1. expose the affair to the PROPER people who will have significant impact on the affair, such as her parents, your parents, OM's wife, OM's boss, close friends

This will make the affair very uncomfortable

2. Try your best to meet her needs. YES, have sex with her unless you think she is sleeping with this scumbag, then don't. Be romantic and pleasant. Be civil and friendly to her and show her a picture of how wonderful marriage can be with you.

Try to be more appealing than the OM. Your job right now is to ATTRACT HER BACK. Don't make threats, don't put signs on the apartment door.

Ask yourself in all things: am I more or less attractive than the OM? Because I assure you he is not making threats and raving at her.

p.s. you are not even close to Plan B so hold your horses.

is there a language difficulty here?

Pinetree,

LISTEN TO MELODY LANE. SLOW DOWN!!!!

You are all over the place here. Your emotions are running wild right now. You may want to ask your doctor about anti deprssnts. They will help you to think more clearly.

""the following 3 months of your mobil phone will be checked it to see if the contact is still on,""

Why would you WARN her that you are checking her cell phone bills. When you snoop (and you should), you must do it without her knowing. If you warn her you are checking her cell phone bills, she will find another way to contact. Like going to a pay phone and calling him collect.

Does she admit to the affair? You talk like it is over...but then you say she is still in contact. Does she admit to being in contact still? Has she said that she is sorry and will stop contact??

LBs (love busters) are yelling, and ranting and calling her names and accusing her of things, etc. DO NOT LB!!! You want to plan A, which means no LBs, and being very nice to her and showing what a good man you are.

NO MORE NAILING THINGS ON YOUR FRONT DOOR!!

k

i have plan A her about one month, however i do not think plan A will work for my WW, because i know her character very well, for example, she often told me not to buy cakes for her saying cakes make her fat, so i ask her since you know it why you still eat it and after eating them to told me not want me buy cakes for her.

I mean i am quite sure if my ww has chance to access to something which she thinks enjoyable, she will never give it up.
that is why i just wonder no matter how long will i plan a, which will not make her mind change, but i agree with you, she will remember the way i m when i plan a, because before her affair, i never do things like plan a. she was total ignored by me.
Her affair began about 2 month ago, till now she never talked about it with me, she just try to push it behind as if nothing has happened, but i m quite sure she will not easily give up this op since she thinks this op is total different from me , i mean at the beginning. And i suppose if they get to know each other furthr, this op will also LB her , but till now i do not think there is LB between them.
The reason is : this op worked at another city, he only can visit her one day every week. and my ww could see him for a couple hours on the day and left. But they contacted closely via telephone .

Since ww affair, she lost all of loving feeling for me.
when she came home from work, she looked very sad and unhappy because she is missing this op, i m quite sure for it.
however she still also keep me at her side, although she has no feeling for me, which i do not understand.

i could feel that she felt guilty about her affair, however she also try to start a quarrel with me to justify her affair often.

After i plan a about one month, i suddenly distance her a little bit on purpose, which make her call me every day one time , which seems that she want to know if i m at home waiting for her . because i know my ww is so afraid of staying home alone. however my advantage is that i can be available for her all the time if she wants, but this op can not be available all the time for her.
i have also told her that she should talked about her affair with me honestly and tell me what she really want to do , but she do not join in the talk, and never give me an answer for the question by either silence or changing to other topic.

i do not know how long the plan a i should set up, which is hard especailly she still is trying to meet this op when i m planing a her, which broke my heart.

Today i did not control myself well, i speak loud to her
NC must be made,otherwise i will not treat her as my real wife , and allow her to divorce me if she like it.

However she is very quite this time instead of shouting back to me, which make me a big surprise. because i rember when her affair just began , she is very easily angry towards to me.
and i do think my ww is cakeeater, she would like to keep both of us . that is her.

so i m quite sure the only way to make my ww give up this op is : when she meet another new op and they later deceide to establish realtionship and in this way my wife will give up this op. so i mean if i want my ww back to our marriage, i have to be this another op, but how ? it seems first i need be a stranger for her and start over all again from beginning just like we made a date 3 years ago. it is possible?

This is interesting...

She is a cake-eater.

Says she doesn't like cake eating, it gives her a bad reaction (fat).

Told you not to buy them cakes. Meaning, she blames you after she became a cake eater.

Lady

hi, lady .thanks for your reply, please reread my edited thread, there is a question there.
(here cake is just i give example, i mean the dessert. because she like to eat dessert, for example, cakes, icecream, ect)

Stay in Plan A for several months. It sounds like her love bank was very depleted before the affair. You need to build it up again.

But you can also stand up for your marriage and let her know it is hurtful when she contacts the OM.

Later, you still can go to Plan B, but not for awhile.

She is avoiding the talk. Just tell her you are there when she is ready to talk about it, and it does have to be talked about soon. In the meantime tell her to please respect your marriage by not seeing the other man.

pinetree, you are 50% responsible for the state of the marriage before the affair. She is 100% responsible for the affair.
Tell her you are sorry that you ignored her and she became lonely, but even that is no excuse for an affair. But tell her you are now hoping to make the marriage better. But in doing that, tell her you cannot share her with another man, so the other man has to go.

Do you think asking her on a date at this time would be a good thing?

Love, Lady

well, i guess she is not in mood to date with me right now.
because this op in her mind now.
yes, believer, you are right, the love bank from her is almost empty. however i m not sure if there is some character faults with her.

Because when i began to get to know her about 3 year ago, she dated with another guy, later she met me and she cut off the contact with this guy. i knew it after i moved in and lived with her.
at that time i did ask her how long had she known this guy, she told me about one week longer than she got to known me.
so based on this experience, i just doubt if there is something wrong with her character.
however since we lived together and later were married, we both feel very happy.
i i begin to neglect her since last year, which was my big mistake, i also sometimes insulted her.
i think that is why she feel this op so good compared with me.