hear-ye hear-ye

all who hold knowledge of this bring forth .... someone is asking !

It depends on different factors for me, Pep...

Can you be more specific?

Deception regarding an action or in what is being said or both?

Thanks, Pep.

I'm having a seriously bad afternoon here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> *That* thread has triggered something that really hurts.

TA

TA ... when are you successful at spotting deception in business?

Hey, Pep. Just had to respond to this one! Me being the analytical personality, approach it two ways. THere is that "gut" feeling that someting is not right. And I examine what that "wrongness" is about. ANd that works for me in business as well as in dealing with a WS. Check the facts. Check reality. ANd go from there. Startng with repeating what you heard to make sure you understood what whas said/done. And then confront the deception=lie.

THe worst part for me has always been when the WS or business colleague tries to divert the focus of the enquiries. kwim? As in what did you do turns into WHY are you so suspicious? Are you're crazy for thinking that way. etc.

In my kids ... when I become suspicious ...

I ask a question and they answer a different question...

as in ... Who were you with?

they answer .... I was at the movies.

or I purposely ask a "yes or no" question ...

and the answer is neither yes or no ... but something else entirely

Did you take $20 from my purse?

You always accuse me of that !!!

another clue ... the "answer" seems to be written on the floor or on the ceiling .... when eye contact seems impossible for the other person ... be aware

when you have to suspend your logical mind in order to accept what someone is telling you

body language ... become a master at awareness of body language ... do a google search for books about body language and make yourself book smart about this level of communication

keep notes of important conversations ... later when you hear "I never said that !!!" ...refer back to your notes to make sure that you can trust your recolection of events more than the other person's version

Body Language of Lies:

• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.

• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.

• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

Other signs of a lie:

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.


How Not To Be Lied To:

1. Sit in the higher chair. A subtle sort of intimidation.

2. Uncross your legs and open your arms - lean back. Make yourself "open" to the truth.

3. Ask for minute details (a challenge to the liar).

4. Don't ever tell them what you DO know - don't point out you know what they are saying is a lie. This is your own ego trip.

5. Invade their personal space. Get close, they'll get uncomfortable (good).

6. Mimic their posture and movements..be subtle. This establishes a rapport and they'll never figure out why.

7. Speak in their style. Listen to how they think. If the person says things like "I HEAR ya!" or "that SOUNDS good", you'll know he thinks auditorially or with his ears. If he says "I shoulda SEEN it comin" or "I SEE what you mean", you'll know he is visually oriented. If he says things like "it HIT me like a tons of bricks" or "I just FROZE in my tracks", you'll know he thinks by feelings. Speak to him the same way. A good test is to ask someone to recite the alphabet. Some people will stare as if they are looking at the alphabet above the blackboard in grade school (visual), some people will sing the alphabet (auditory) and some people will taps out the letters (feeling). If you match their thinking method, you'll have nstant rapport.

8. Give 'em an "out". You gotta make it easy for them to to tell the truth. Pretend you didn't hear them correctly or tell them you didn't understand what they said. Always leave a way out so they recant their words and tell the truth.

9. Stay calm. Never show surprise or shock. Treat everything they say with the same importance. The first time you react negatively you will lose any chance of being told the truth.

watch out for disproportioned emotional reactions to simple requests .... as in

did you remember to buy milk?

.... WHY are you always questioning me... do I look like an idiot?

Actually, Pep, I'm not great at spotting deception there either. I've not much 'gut feeling', and I've often been surprised by events. For example, six months ago my boss came to work on Monday and made half her small workforce redundant, including me. I had no clue. She'd seemed perfectly normal the week before. I live in constant fear of 'surprises' at work.

I can just about:

- spot when someone is pretending knowledge they don't have
- tell they're deflecting blame
- suspect they haven't done something they say they have.

Beyond that, I'm clueless.

However, in most meetings I am preternaturally sensitive to emotional undercurrents. I'm often astonished that others haven't picked up on the feelings in the room; for me they're deafening. I know instantly when someone is uneasy, when they're embarrassed, when they're jealous, when they're irritated - no matter what's happening on the surface. I can predict what's likely to happen after the meeting because I can see how individuals have been affected by each other. But if there's an emotional signature for deception, I can't detect it.


TA

this is not clueless ... this is pretty darn good!

A pause before a response can be a "tell". BUT remember, during the pause, the person might have decided to tell the truth.

Pay attention to your intuition, but don't trust it.

GC

A few things to add:

Men and women also have different styles of lying (in general).

Men will add details for believability where they would normally just give a short answer. Women will give a short, vague answer when normally they are full of details.

When caught in a lie, men will usually come completely clean, wanting to "get it all over with at once". Women are the opposite and will only hand out the truth a little at a time, hoping to mitigate the full effect of the lie.

Obviously these are only guidelines. Your gut instinct is usually the best indicator.

ooooooh

good ones Saille

H has never been good at telling outright lies. His MO was the Lie by Omission. Is there a way to spot this?

My attorney told me last week that she can always tell when Dork is lying.

His lips are moving <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

She cracks me up.