AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! well, h was supposed to pick up the kids this morning and have them the whole day. Since they have no school today and he is off I thought it would be nice. Mind you, they only see him maybe 2 days a week now for maybe 6 hours total since he moved in with ow. So, he had a fire call last night and apparently sleeping was more important than his kids, that and getting a piece I am sure. By 11 my daughter was like "where is daddy?" so she called him and he was still sleeping! he decides to get up and shower and manages to get here at noon (mind you he lives just down the road!)

He had asked me earlier in the week if he could bring kids home by 6 or so so he could go to a fire dept meeting. I, being very Plan A nice said sure, no problem. well, now he tells me it will be earlier than that since he has no idea what he will do with the kids today since he can't bring them back to his place. I'm like "your place?" he's like ya, it is where I am living, what do you expect me to call it. I'm like ok.... so he says, I can't bring them back there right? (like asking my permission to bring them into that den of sin! over my dead body!) I was like, no absolutely not. He said I didn't think so. He says since he can't bring them there he has to find stuff to do with them. so they may be home way before 6. nice huh? so I asked him if he was even looking for an apt. He was like, no one will rent to me knowing I am leaving for iraq in january for 4 months. The only place he said he could rent was a small apt in a kind of a seedy place.... I said why can't you just continue to pay rent while you are gone, what does a landlord care? he was like I am not going to pay rent on a place I am not living in. I said, well, your kids are used to seeing you everyday, now they get maybe 2 days a week for a total of 6 hours and that is not fair to them. They want you to get an apt so they can have more time with you and spend the night with you. He didn't say anything.

How can he not care? how can he be so selfish? I guess he figures as long as he gets SOME time with them it is better than nothing. She gets all his time now. how cruel is that.

I think it is Plan B time. I have been trying to Plan A since May and am getting no where. I would just as soon spit on him than have him anywhere near me right now. Him and her, both pieces of trash, they deserve eachother.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... vent vent vent! mlhb

Actually, the kids probably want him to get rid of OW and come home, not a seperate appartment, right?

Why do WS make things soooooo complicated when it could be sooooo easy?


(((((mlhb)))))

Did you ever read the thread in my signature line about Plan A? How have you been at it?

You'll know when it is time for Plan B.

ultimately I am sure they would love to see daddy come home. But daddy has been so nice and comforting to tell them that that is NEVER going to happen. My dd actually just wants him to have his own apt so she can feel some security with him. She doesn't feel that right now. They are only 8 and don't really grasp the full concept of the ow thing... they are aware there is one and that is why daddy doesn't live here and they are aware of who it is. dd is very hurt by this and will say she does not like ow because of this. they have absolutely no contact with ow as I have told h in no uncertain terms I will take kids away from him completely if they are anywhere near her and since we are still legally married with no sep agreement in place and he basically just walked out back in july I could certainly take his visits away. He seems to know I mean business about that and doesn't have them around her. (he did twice back in august just despite me and needless to say that is why they are now in counseling... they could handle seeing daddy with someone other than mommy nor should they have to while we are still married. I will not have them taught that this whole sitch is ok. no way. I told him if he had her anywhere near them again he was done.)

I just get so angry at his seflishness and stupidity sometimes. He truly does not care at all who he has hurt, that he broke up another man's marriage, that everything he is doing is sooooooooo wrong. I know he knows deep down inside it is. But in his twisted mind he is happy right now. She makes him happy. (and the things he said about her to me and to others... last fall he was telling the whole fire dept he would continue to use her as long as she was stupid enuff to be used.... I am wondering in a way if he is still doing that... he is playing the part of "devoted boyfriend" but I wonder how much of this is being done just despite me and to hurt me.. I wonder how much he is giving her financially to stay there or if he has told her he has no money.... I don't get his bank statements anymore so I cannot check on that.)

I don't know. I am probably not ready for Plan B. I just vented that I am sure. I haven't done a full fledge plan A since May. I started to and was doing really well then I confronted h about more affair info, etc, and he left in july and I just started doing Plan A again a few weeks ago. I was still doing some things post July but mostly was probably LBing to the max due to my hurt and anger.

I just don't get a lot of this affair stuff. This seems like he is in an actual relationship to me. Like it is not going to go away. But than I realize hey, he is like still very married so how can it be? And she is very freakin not mentally stable. Not someone I think he would normally choose to be with. I think she represents some fun fantasy to him. The belly piercing, the tongue piercing, the tattoo, the same eminem type music taste. the same mentality as him right now. (up until a few years ago all my h listened to was country! u should see the cr*p he listens to now. and he is 31!) I would think it would bother her not be able to be a part of my kids lives but he has either lied to her and told her eventually she would be or she doesn't care. I know from her former H she doesn't want kids, doesn't think she would be a very good mother. She told her h she knows she is mentally unstable! She also said all kinds of bad stuff about my h and how he disgusted her and hurt her with the things he said about her and yet here they are together. I guess that is how I cannot see it as a relationship, at least not a forever one. It just seems really messed up. I guess that is why I should not give up huh? I should provide and show a stable non mental peaceful and safe home environment for when this freakish fantasy wears off?

But will it wear off? He leaves for Iraq in january... maybe while he is gone it will wear off. I have just never seen such a thing or never imagined my h could act so hypocritically or so immorally. He has continually told me this past year how disgusted he is with his life, how he has disturbing thoughts,how if it weren't for his kids he just wouldn't even care anymore, how he just doesn't care anymore. I guess his actions of this past year are showing that loud and clear.

I almost feel like a parent who has a child who has gone astray. You don't stop loving that child but you have to let go and give tough love after a while. And see if they come home..... Is that what I am to be doing???

sorry sooooo long.... just kinda blue today I guess. :-( mlhb

bump

I sure hope he is using protection and not trusting her. It would be a shame for an innocent child to be put into this freak show.

I feel your pain sister. Going through it my self. Have no control until tomorrow but praying I get my way. When he is gone to iraq he will have a lot of time to think. they have access to computers over there and keep plan A alive with him that way. I think he will get a wake up call over there as to what is important in life. Wish I could ship mine for a few months over there. I be praying for you

mlhb,

I feel your pain too. But am going to finally get some relief from the drama as my Plan B starts tomorrow. When you get to the point where your Love Bank is close to completely drained is when you will be ready for Plan B.

Continue coming here to vent and get support. I can't imagine how tough it is too do Plan A with your WH living with the OW. You are a strong woman.

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 6
Married 13 years
WH left on Friday. Plan B letter will be delivered tomorrow.

Believer, my h has had a vascectomy, so no chance of children. Besides, she claims she doesn't want any. she told her h she knows she would not make a good mother... and I would allow this thing around my children because????? yea right!

But ya know when you get that all lovey dovey mushy feeling and then you want a baby with the man you are just sooooo in love with... well guess what sister, you ain't getting one with my h! I am quite sure he wants no more children and would not allow any dr. back down there again! LOL plus, would cost big bucks to reverse it and he would rather spend his money on toys. yet another reason I do not see this lasting...... mlhb

mlhb,

A lot of what you say sounds so familiar. They are aliens aren't they?

I think you need to try to move on with your life and try to focus your energy on yourself and your kids and not the crazy things he's doing.

When I was going through this my WW's decisions were dangerous. I had no idea how she could do the things she was doing but I quickly moved into protection mode and got lawyers involved to protect my children and myself from her insanity. Its tough to see that this person you gave yourself too has turned against you and only wants to cause you pain.

I know its tough to let go (I had a hard time with it myself) but keep moving forward and eventually you'll get a moat built up between you and WH and you'll be able to live your life without all the drama. If he does eventually come around at least then you'll be in a position where you can take it or leave it. Live for yourself and your children not your WH!

Take Care,

Miker

thank you Mike... I do feel I am doing quite a bit on my own now. It is just the few times I have to see or deal with him sometimes really tick me off.... Alien is putting it mildly!

just bumping

mlhb - That's really good news. I have seen so many OC come into the picture here. It is sad, and so predictable.

oh yes, I know. I do not know how spouses handle it when there is an OC in the picture. Boy that must hurt. Had to send h a firm email today. May have LB'd some, may not have, hard to tell.... Just had to lay out the law on a few things, my boundaries shall we say... It was straight and to the point. But it was reality.

He took the day off today so he could do fireman day at the kids school.... apparently hurt his back while doing some fire stunts or something. so he came to get ds tonight to go to football... I saw he was hurting but you know what? he always tries to elicit pity from me... I just couldn't do it. I couldn't ask him if he was ok or what he did. all the times in our marriage I was sick or hurt and he gave me nothing, no acknowledgement. But I guess men are just babies huh? well, after he left for the night I felt bad thinking he was probably testing me to see if I cared he was hurt. so.... I sent him a brief text message stating the kids said he hurt his back and was he ok, we have tylenol if he needs it. And that the kids say goodnight again and see him saturday. There, done. I acknowledged.... twasn't easy but I did it. Would rather about now kick him in the shin but I am the better person here right! LOL :-) mlhb

How many times would I like to state this to a WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Sorry mlhb.I can sympathize with you.Stay strong.

O

thanks octobergirl, I am getting a little stronger everyday. I am reading a chapter or 2 of proverbs everyday at my motherinlaws request.... would like to believe it is helping me to become a better nicer person ;-) Is helping to keep my temper in check and my "reactionaryism" (my made up word) in check... helping me to breathe before I speak... thanks mom in law! mlhb

just bumping to keep it going.....