So after 6 months of no contact, apparently she still had one of his old email addresses, and knowing that we delete any phone number or address that she ever has access to as soon as we know she has it, she was wise and saved it for something really big.

OC is about 6 weeks old. H gets back to work from lunch and there is a Walgreen's photo link in his email, with a picture of a baby on the front. He immediately fwd it to me, and I looked on the Walgreen's site - this is the only picture there, titled with OC's name.

This is hard for me because this is the first contact that OW has initiated in quite a while.

So, obviously we're going to delete that email address so this can't happen again He says this doesn't change anything, his commitment to us or NC or anything...
On top of it all it's my #1 PMS day.

Thanks for listening to my vent,
NTL

Sorry for your pain, the first news of the baby being born is always painful.
You know he's healthy and it's time to shedule DNA test.
Good luck, and remember you and H need to really be there for each other right now.

Angels, thank you.
We plan to do NC unless OW files for paternity. Since she is currently M, we have no rights - in our state her H is the baby's father until he or she wants him off the birth cert.

We'll see...
Just the picture surprised me today, I started shaking.

I wonder if OW's husband is aware she emailed this photo to your husband ...

I would expose this contact to OW's husband right away.

he has the right to know what is going on ...photos of his legal child are being sent to another man ...

Thanks, Pep.

But we have every reason to think they are separated right now; my H saw OWH's van parked at the apt. complex he (OWH) lived at when they were separated. This was only like a month ago... we were very disappointed to see it, as we had hoped that they would recover their family as well thru all this mess. They have 4 year old twins, and a 2 year old daughter together as well.

But you are right, I wish I had contact with OWH right from the start, would have nipped some things in the bud. I wouldn't know how to get a hold of him anymore...?

NTL

Sounds like a plan.............BUT, in the event that paternity is filed againt your husband to pay child support for this child (assuming that it is proven to be his), what will you do then? Do you have a finanical "backup" plan in case this happens.

I am curious, why does "NC" change if she (OW) files for paternity against your WH...what does one thing have to do with the other?

Lastly, but most importantly....do YOU want to have contact with this child?....does your H want contact with HIS child (assuming DNA proven)?

Lem

Just an idea -
If you know where OWH's van is parked leave a note with a way for him to contact you.

I am sorry for this unexpected bump in the road, but that is all it is! See it for what it is worth- nothing has changed, whatsoever.

Your H must have some sort of inner guilt, thoughts, etc.- with or without the picture.. its part of human nature.

And the ow is the mother of a child that probably is your H's from what you can see ... and seperate from ANY OW ISSUES-- she is a mother who wanted the father to see the child. Understandable from a human/ mother's point of view, right? See it for what it is worth, again-- and try with all you have in you to NOT put this on H or to feel funny or act "funny" towards him. Not his fault, right!

I know when I saw a picture of H's oc on his sister's fridge (yeah nice- she did it on purpose cause she's young and ignorant)...... I felt sick to my stomach cause it hurts- and it is hard- and the baby DID look like my H!! It also makes you realize this is REAL, when you were doing such a good job at denying any thoughts about the baby. It is hard, but you will be just fine honey! Just push it to the back and let H deal with the normal emotions that he is GOING to have to face or feel. But you cannot change that now- you cannot make it go away- you can just chew on it, spit it out and KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND KEEP GOING!

Oh... and YUK on the PMS day... talk about a crappy time for this and a crappy time to be rational!!!

hugs dear !!!!!

A couple of things here.

If that baby is your hubands, it is best to find out now or this woman will be back with her hand out in the futue and you will be stuck with paying back child support. Do not allow that to happen. Always be proactive. Right now would be a good time to seek legal help. You can let her know that if she ever contacts you or any family member in anyway, harrassment charges will be brought, then make sure to follow through.

If her and her husband are separated, and he knows that child may not be his, he is not going to be all exicted at paying child support on that many kids. Get the laywer now and line up your ducks.

I was going to suggest the same thing about a note on his van. Or heck go and look at the mail boxes or the buzz in buttons to find his name and then mail him the proof if you want.

As far as getting an attorney, OW is married. We have no rights to start a legal proceeding against her and her H's legal baby then some stranger does to walk up to me and start wanting to run DNA tests on my kids, as far as we understand it.

So far, OW has taken no action that we are aware of legally. I have no idea if her H wants off the OC's birth certificate so he won't have to pay C/S... my guess is yes.

I says it's not working. He sees her now for what she is, a STOW.


Thanks for your help & support everyone.

NTL:

Sounds like indeed you and your FWH have thought alot of this through...goodluck.

Lem

We have tried... I hope & pray we just know the right thing to do at the right times...
Thanks,
NTL

I sent you the info you can take your email off the site now if you like.

Thank you!

My H and I plan to have NC with the OC after it's birth in January. The OW in my situation is married.

I have a question: We live in the Washington, DC/Maryland area. When the OC is born, who has to pay for the blood tests? Whose name is placed on the birth certificate? (my husband will not be signing the certificate). Your response will be so greatly appreciated.

Just some background. This is my first time posting on this forum. My H had a 1 night affair with a co-worker. They both are married, and both were intoxicated. The OW's husband called me and told me about the affair and the pregnancy. He expected us to be one big happy family (REAL CRAZY). My husband had the affair in April of this year. He found out about the pregnancy in May, and was afraid to tell me about it. He thought I would leave him(so did I). The OW explained that my H pursued her, which to me only made me angrier, but also doesn't help her cause much because it really doesn't matter who pursued whom. She laid down without force. I don't blame her for the affair. I blame my husband because we had the committment. I do blame her for continuing with the pregnancy. She told me that it was against her religious beliefs to have an abortion. I asked how her religious beliefs felt about adultery. Dead silence. After discussion and some cussing. My husband and I decided to have NC. He will, of course, be responsible for child support. We have no children, which makes this even harder for me. He has 3 children from a previous marriage. We have been married 3 years. I heard about the affair and pregnancy 1 month after our 3 year anniversary. I truly appreciate forums such as these to help me get over this very painful situation.

Thank you all for allowing me to vent.

Welcome to MB, first of all...

In our state if OW is married, her H is presumed to be the father by law unless paternity tests prove he is not, I think. Then and only then is it even an option for OW to try to prove that your H is the father. How can you be so sure that he is? She is M after all...?

If OW does not file for paternity against your H (which I believe in MI the bio father would pay for if it is proven to be his child), you guys have no rights. At least that is how it is in MI. You can't just walk up to their intact family and demand paternity testing, even if you wanted to, which I realize you don't.

Check around online, although beware I have read everything from a Married OW can NEVER add anyone else to the B/C, to she can no problem, to my H has to sign an acknowledgement (don't ever sign w/o DNA tests - make OW PROVE it!)... I don't know, we haven't retained an attorney in this matter, and I hope we don't have to. We are NC as well with OW/OC.

Best of luck, keep posting,
NTL

Thank you so much, It is definetly a process.

My husband and I have no intention of signing anything other than a possible mandatory CS money order. If we must pay, then so be it. It's going to hurt our pocket books. It will be tight. He has 3 children from a previous marriage, you can only imagine how tight it is right now.

Thank you again, and what a blessing to have this kind of forum.

Crazy hurt if a CS order is put in place by a judge your husband still does not have to sign a thing lol He has to follow the judge's court order and that is that.

On the other hand the attorney for the Other side may try to persuade your husband to sign an acknoledgement to get the "process rolling" DO NOT DO IT. Let the judge order it and then the court order is all that is needed. you must fight it all the way till they prove it is your husband's child then the judge will order the support anyway.