My husband is having hand surgery today, and of course I find out that she took him there. Parts of me wish he would die under anaesthesia, and they would have to call me for information since i am his wife! She is a mean spirited women, I know that she is there because his cell phone rang mine this am, I assumed he was out of surgery, so I called back. When I got no answer I assumed the worst, and called hers, she said "where do you think I am". "I'll call you when he comes out", I said don't bother.
I love him, and I am a mess. I still believe in my heart that he doesn'y know how to let go of this girl, by how he acts, and what he says. I do not know how much longer I or he can go on. He is on the edge. The crazy edge. This women is uneducated, once divorced with 3 children from 2 different men. I do not see how he thinks she is going to continue to meet his emotional needs after I am gone. He says she is his safety net. Will he need one once I am gone?

I am so sorry you are in this position. I am all for making marriages work,but YOU need to take care of you. Quit being at his beck and call. Make yourself unavailable and go on with your life. Right now he has his cake and is eating it too. If he is to dumb to see what he already has then you dont need him. Right now YOU should be the most important thing in your life.

I know I should be thinking of myself, but I am afraid if I become unavailable he will realize that he doesn't want me. I contnue to love him, and I see how he got himself into this affair situation. I do not condone it. I hear him say things like he's afraid to let her go because once he does he knows that she will be gone. I am still here.

My question to you is.... Is he really still with you. Love can be a crazy thing and can blind you to reality. YOU are worth so much more than just "still here". If he realizes he doesnt need you ... he was already gone. Sit him down tell him how you feel. If you truly think your marriage can work...then fight with everything you have,but with the realization that it might not. Just remember you come first!

Kathy,


Or he will begin to see things as they really are. I just went back and re-read all of your posts. You have been told, and you know, that he is a fence-sitting, cake-easter. If you haven't read the MB articles on Infidelity, then do so. You are an RN, OW is uneducated, etc. Use your advantage here.

Your WH is not going to wake up unless you provide the coffee. He is already out of the house so initiate your Plan B now.

I know that this is hard. All of we BS here know that. We also know that these principals do not always save every marriage, but they do save alot of them.

My sitch was very different from yours, but if I hadn't come here, I would have given up on my marriage.

Stop being a doormat and take care of you. We are all here to cheer you on.

Thanks for the advice. Initiateing Plan B will be hard dut to children. I started Plan B sort of. I did not call yesterday, and only returned his call today. It is really hard. I miss him terribly.
He continues to state that its gone so far he doesn't know how to get out. I figure that he knows how to get out from me, divorce. So I can only assume its her he doesn't know how to get away from! To me it seems easy.

Kathy,

I defer to the more experienced folks here, but I don't think that you can sort of do Plan B. You either do it or not. Yes, I imagine (sorry but I never got to that point) it is difficult, but what part of infidelity isn't?