He started cashing his own paychecks and handing me cash. In the past he just gave me his check because I handled our banking. His check had his hours and total pay attached. He was a contractual house painter, so I never knew exactly what he'd be bringing home each week. The money got less and less. "Oh, I'm just working fewer hours." No, he was "just helping support the OW and a few other female friends!"

He was in Recovery. Attended 5 AA/NA meetings per week for at least 4 years. All of a sudden he had a "spiritual crisis" and would go to meetings 7 days a week and sometimes 2 times a day. He and the OW met at AA/NA. There was a social part to the club where they could play pool, have coffee and cokes, etc.

Started carrying cologne in his truck. You know...to freshen up a little!

Went to lead an AA meeting on Christmas day...while his kids and mine were at our house for the holiday. Was gone for at least 4 hours. I asked why someone that wasn't married or didn't have family couldn't lead the meeting. He made it sound like I was being selfish, and he was doing such a good thing!

He took on a second job at night to help increase our income. He would only get home about 2 hours a day, at best. He'd sleep for maybe one hour and be up and going, looking quite chipper. Normally, if he'd had that little sleep from being up day and night, he would have fallen asleep and stayed asleep for a long time. Oh, and we never got a pay check from that job! The second job went on for 5 months! He was supposed to make $4,000.00. "Oh, they are giving me a hard time. The guy won't cut me a check, because there's touch-ups to do, etc." The only second job and touch-ups he had were with the OW!

He would spend more time on the phone and take his calls in our bedroom. Before he would have just talked in the general area where I was.

He wouldn't come to bed with me. He sat out on the couch, smoking, and watching TV, until I fell asleep.

I started feeling crazy, doubting myself, just like when he was drinking and drugging. I had gotten use to him being aboveboard, truthful, honest, trustworthy after being in Recovery for six years. I thought he had relapsed. I guess he did...but this time his drug of choice was the OW.

He would disappear at odd hours of the night or for long periods of time because "I have to go help a friend"...or "return some equipment". "You'd just be bored if you came along."

I really tried hard to be respectful of the anonymous nature of his AA/NA program and those he sponsored or supported. In looking back, I realized that the OW was making regular phone calls to him at our home for "support". This was before I knew there was an OW. I started to recognize her voice. I'd answer politely and hand the phone over to him. I always wondered why this person seemed so abrupt and rude with me!

He decided that he needed more "social life" with the guys from AA...not just meetings. So, he'd go out with the guys after meetings. He got home later and later. I had no social life. We used to do things together.

I got a mild STD. Easily treatable. Never had one before! My doctor called to tell me that it showed up in a routine pap. Both my WS and I needed to take medication for it. I was so upset that I asked my dr. to tell my husband. After the call, he asked me "So, do you have something you want to tell me???" What????!!!!

Oh yeah, I fogot to mention w/h had a nightmare where he was audiably upset and thrashing around mumbling things. This was after discovery day. My heart went out to him. I know he has been through ****** and his subconscience was giving him fits.

In addition to the usual script (I won't repeat all the things already said above <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) my WH started getting really possesive about "his stuff". For example, everyone else in the family does their nails in the bathroom and that is where our manicure set is naturally kept. WH alsways does his in various places, the living room, dining room table (yuk <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />), or the garden terrace. After he has done his nails, the next person would have to search where WH left the maincure set. So one day, he bought his own manicure set because he got tired of always looking for it because no one but him put it back when they were finished. He forbid anyone else in the family to touch "his private manicure set". So we didn't. Then I found him in the bathroom taking the family manicure set out of its drawer in the bathroom. I said,"What are you doing?" WH."I'm going to do my nails." Me: "You have your own private manicure set. Use it." "I can't find it. It's not in my drawer where it is supposed to be." Me: "That's because you told me not to touch it, so I didn't put it back for you after you left on the terrace the last time you did your nails. The girls refuse to touch it, too, so it's probably still there." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Manscaping? That, too. Only all of my stuff was dissappearing. He started using all my creams and lotions ... the one luxury I afford myself and I use those creams so sparingly because they are sooooo expensive. They started dissappearing in much less than half the time and my WH started smelling like me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />... he always denied using my creams though. Now that he's moved out everything lasts as long as used to pre-A.