A few months ago, I found out that my husband was having (at least) an emotional affair. I don't know if they ever slept together. But he told her he loved her, wanted to be with her, blah blah blah. I did not confront him on it as I wanted to wait and see what developed with them. He ended that affair and things were going well with us. I've been using a lot of the MB techniques to strengthen our marriage. Since that time, I discovered I was pregnant with our next child. However, I have found out yet again that he is having an emotional affair (50+ emails a day to a new married lady, talking about all the sexy things they are going to do to each other plus a few telephone calls). What kind of sicko has an affair while his wife is pregnant with his child?!

I have had enough and I need to confront him. But I have heard on this board that in our state (Virginia), a cheater is not entitled to alimony. Woo hoo! I make much more money than my husband but do not feel he should be entitled to my money if he has been cheating on me. I want to make sure that I handle things the right way should it come to divorce and a custody battle. Is an emotional affair considered an affair by the courts? What kind of proof do I need? Right now I have access to his email but he doesn't know that. I like being able to monitor their conversations (yes, I must be sick) and don't want to reveal that I know about his affair until I have enough documentation, etc. I am dying to email the other woman's spouse and let him nkow about it. Any ideas?

Thanks!!

-Lanigan

Print every email you find. If you have phone records,make copies. Just make sure before you proceed. You need to think of this precious unborn child and your future. Good luck and God bless!

Keep the copies of the emails in a safe place, out of the house, and not in your car. Make a second set, kept someplace else for backup. If you can tape his phone cons, put the tapes with the emails. Does he talk to her in his car? PUt a small voice activated tape recorder underneath his seat or in a place he won't find it.

Lots of sicko cheat while their wife is pregnant. Mine did! He started his EA while I was pregnant and went right into PA when our son was just a few weeks old...our second child.

Are you in MC? I found out in MC that my pregnancy had a lot to do with his illogical reasons for cheating. None the less, I ask because we are doing well with our 1 year d-day around the corner. He is good with the kids and better to me than he'd been in a long while. I know it seems horrible (actually it IS horrible), but you can get past this too with good MC.

Just a thought!
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It has to be a physical affair and you have to prove that they have been physical. Are you trying to get divorced on the grounds of adultery? That really would be the only reason you would need to prove adultery. Otherwise, the state of Virginia would grant you a divorce once you have been separated from your husband for one full year without cohabitation. I live in the state of Virginia. As far as custody is concerned, they would normally grant joint legal custody and physical custody to the parent who the child is living with currently, unless it is proven that parent is unfit and that would take all kinds of home studies before the court would just take physical custody from that parent. As far as alimony is concerned, you normally wouldn't have to pay that unless you have been married at least 10 years. I am not a legal person. These are jsut things I have researched on my own for my own divorce.