When my wife left me one year ago, I found out that my old high-school girlfriend's husband left her. Since then we have formed a really nice friendship and stay in close contact. We send cards to each other, emails and have visited each other several times. At this point, it is just friends.

Her divorce is next week and she is obviously nervous about it. I want give her a really nice friendship gift. Something so she knows that I am really a true friend. What would be appropriate.

(Yes, I could fall for her at some point... But, friends first!)

I vote for a good book, maybe one that talks about post divorce recovery (not an "all men are pigs" type <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />).


Er, danger Wil Robinson, danger!

What about a pedicure or a facial?
Something relaxing for her.

Side note to your thought, very nice touch! [You wanting to do something special for her]

Karona

BHINWI,

IMO,I would stear clear of your friend right now.I am not saying be rude and just stop all contact,but this lady will need some time to cope with and process her divorce,her feelings,her loss.It's just not right to start a "friendship" or otherwise right off the bat.I am one of those people who do not advocate dating right away nor seeing other's while "separated",etc,etc.You may be a few months ahead of the game here but she isn't.

If I were you,I would send a nice caring card,no gifts,and leave it at that.If you send gifts,that is more personal.Also,if you say something like,"I'll call you in a few months",she will also be waiting,you will be waiting,and other relationships couldn't occur naturally.Does this make sense? Already I think there is an expectation when there shouldn't be.

If it's one mistake I have read over and over here is that people rush out too soon post D.Or,even before the D ink is dry on the paperwork.

IMO,"just friends" rarely works between a man and a woman newly D'd.

JMHO.

O

But, if you still want to send a gift, do so as a friend.
A small bouquet of flowers with a minor note like "to brighten your day".
Simple.

Hmm. Depending on how she feels about the divorce in general, not just court date jitters, a bottle of champagne is nice. Or a teapot with lots of good earl grey. Or maybe something like a picture of a window with the saying "When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."

Or some flowers. Like paperwhites, if they're out yet. Or an orchid. Orchid are comparatively cheap now. You can get one for as little as $30 and their blooms often last months.

Hmmm, What would I want after such a dramatic day from a true male friend...

I'd want his "ear"..and moral support that I will survive this change in my life.

I'd ask if she'd like to met after her hearing for drinks/dinner - I'd let her know that she can let out all her feelings - that you are there to give her moral support.

Now if she's happy that this is over make a celibration dinner..Clink those champagne glasses....and good ridence to bad news....

The best gift you can give her is a listening ear. I just went through a divorce and that is all I needed. If you give her something material she may feel like you are trying to slip in there and right now she does not need that. two months after my divorce a friend of mine wanted to start dating me (I posted it in ready to have a friend)I had no idea he was interested and by no means did I need another emotional challenge in my life. Give her a listening ear that will increase the friendship and perhaps when she is healed she can look back later and say he is a wonderful man who I would like to keep in my life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I listening ear is good, but be careful with that too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Sometimes that can be filling a huge need for her, and can create quite a bond between you 2. This can be great, but can be dangerous too if you rush her into romance without meaning to!

I'm not saying DON'T be there for her, just be careful. I don't think there's anything wrong with a gift either. Depends on what she likes. Something inspirational would be nice - a framed verse or knick-knack with an encouraging verse on it. I liked Greengables' other ideas too!

Thanks everyone. Some more background on the sit...

We dated in high school (over 20 years ago). We had not seen each other in over 20 years. Her husband moved out 6/2004, my wife moved out 10/2004. I contacted her when my wife moved out, (I was a mess). Since then, we have become good friends. We call each other occasionally, we email, send a card now and then, sometimes stop in to visit. So, it has not lead up to any romance nor are we trying.

I don't want to ruin our friendship nor do I want to rush it into the next level (if there is a next level).

How about a nice friendship card sent to her the day before the divorce?

What would you do if she were a guy?
If you really are "just friends", then I would think about what you would do for your buddy...
When asked for advice, or thinking I need some, I always ask myself what I would tell my best girlfriend if she were in my shoes. That helps me.
So, do no more than what you would do for the "dude".
You can send me the massage! yah! jk!

I'm curious what you decided.... or have you done anything yet?