. . . be a huge LB? My sense is that WH has not been very straightforward with him and I desperately want to tell him that I recognize my participation in what lead up to WH's As, that I love WH, and that I am committed to working on our M . . . what do you think? WH is going to see his IC tomorrow.

...bumpity-bump?

Well, I have a little experience with this!

First off, when my WH separated from me he denied an A. He had just been prescribed AD's so I determined that the AD's were causing his irrational behavior, because I read in a medical book that in CERTAIN people AD's can have an affect of inducing hypomania, which results in incautious, risky behavior and poor choices. Therefore, I called his physician. Then later I realized that it would show up on the cell phone bill, so I fessed up to WH. He was furious, and changed doctors immediately. Never did find out the role the ADs played (if any) in the onset of his decision to have an A.

Then, when he was extremely depressed, I showed up to his IC appt. I told him he didn't have to include me, but I was there if he needed me to talk to her. My Mother had also called the IC that AM to tell her that I was afraid of my WH and what he might do. He had become very unstable. That day, she did talk to me, and he voluntarily admitted to inpatient hospitalization for severe depression for a few days. In that case, involving with IC was a good thing. But she DID NOT keep my Mom's call to her confidential as she was asked to do.

My H also saw a different IC that he lied quite a bit to. He finally had to tell her the whole story once things got complicated, and she bawled him out for not being honest & forthcoming (shocking, a WH lying!!)

The nuts & bolts of it - any IC worth their salt knows exactly the crap that your WH is pulling over on them. If you do contact the IC, you will only be able to tell them information, they won't be able to give you any (privacy laws). They may refuse to discuss the situation with you at all because of privacy concerns.

Are you in Plan B? Sorry for my lack of knowledge of your situation. Otherwise, I would just recommend that you write a letter to your H telling him what you realize about your part of what led to the A's, that you love him and are committed to working on your M. Maybe he'll bring the letter to the counselor?

Just my two cents... Free advice, get what you pay for???
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NTL

Thanks, NTL. I have been in Plan A since April, and WH just told me that he wants a D. I have been sorting out what to do, and I suppose as an act of desperation, I thought of contacting his IC. I have asked WH in the past if I could go with him to his IC, just once (after all, our MC has become my IC since WH stopped coming), and he said OK, but hasn't done anything to arrange it. I wonder if WH has even told his IC about his As, and whether he has spun a tale about what a wacko nutcase I am, or something like that. I guess part of me just wants his IC to see me as a real person, rather than how I have been described, but more importantly, that I am committed to working on my M. should I hold out for a face to face meeting?