Is there a "sweet spot" for meeting the parents?

Even though I'm 40+, this still seems like a big step to me.
My parents have been well aware that I date, but its been a long long time since I have introduced anyone to them. There just wasn't anyone I felt strongly enough about to consider it.

I can see introducing new BF to them eventually -- just not really sure when that should happen.

We're just a month into it. Would this freak him out? Is it more of a 3 month event? 6 month?

Holidays are coming up. That adds to my question. EEEEK!

Wow - I guess my BF introduced me to his parents within weeks. I wondered if it was a big deal, but knowing how he is better now, it was probably no big deal at all to him. I don't think he attached any real significance. He introduces everyone to his folks - they know a lot of his friends and etc.

I would give him the option of joining you for something involving them, but not place any expectations on whether he accepts or not.

Sounds like you think meeting the folks is a big important relationship step. To someone like my BF meeting his folks was more like being introduced to another one of his friends.

V.

Lexxy,

BF and I have not introduced each other to our parents.Our families are aware of our relationship. As we see it, we're both adults and don't feel the need for our parents' approval. However, introducing the kids was much more important to us.

I guess I don't do a lot of social things with my parents. I talk to my dad everyday on the phone. I see them several times a week at my kids events. But we don't do dinners or going out unless its a birthday or holiday.

If we were all casually in some place at the same time -- no big deal...I just don't see that happening. I would have to arrange something. So I'm putting more significance on setting up some kind of event so they can meet.

And like I said, after 4 years of dating I haven't introduced anyone to them. I'm thinking ahead to Thanksgiving and Christmas. Do I want him with me? Yep, I think so.

Sunny -- I've met other BF's families too. But they've never met mine.
I guess it had a lot to do with my kids. I've never introduced my kids to other BF's....so BF's never attended any kid-events with me. That would be where they would have most likely met the parents.

Immovingon -- its not really an approval sort of thing, but this feeling that I would like to include him in some upcoming events. Kids is a huge thing to me. I think I've made some mistakes in the past in hiding my dating from the kids. Then it became this huge icky ordeal.

I just want to do things better this time. Wish I knew what that was!

For me, it's not necessarily something you have to set up. That seems kinda awkward and like a "big deal". It would just be something more natural. Like for my situation, if it was a birthday or holiday (which is when I usually see my family in town - sister, aunt/uncle, cousins), I would just invite BF, or whoever I'm dating along if he wants to come, and try to not make it a big deal for everyone.

My Dad is kinda different. He's 4 hours out of town. He happened to be in town during the hurricane last month, and got to meet my 4-week R, after we had only been dating about 2 weeks. That was VERY awkward for me!!! It was "BF"'s idea, and he really didn't seem freaked out about it. But then there were a bunch of family birthdays coming up, and I think he did sorta get overwhelmed with all of it, and I think it was 1 reason for the timing of the break-up.

Anyway... ask your BF what he thinks!!! But I think the more natural the event, the better. And the personality of the people involved makes a huge difference too. If your Dad would be too serious - like checking him out as a potential proper husband for you and everything - that is something to consider - rather than just meeting a friend of yours.

The guy I'm seeing now - his parents are close (in distance and in relationship to him), and they sound very easy-going and down-to-earth. I'm looking forward to meeting them anytime, like it's no big deal. And I don't think it will be a problem bringing him around my family. Noone's going to be putting/feeling pressure on the situation.

I haven't told my family that I've been dating someone for 10 months because they far away and don't come for visits, I go there. They are not prepared to meet anyone anyway, and would likely read too much into it.
After 8 months, I met BF's family, and after 1 dinner, I think they were planning the wedding (which will never happen). So there are some wide extremes in this sitch.

I never introduced my kids to anyone until I was sure it was serious. Same thing with my now husband. We'd dated about a month when the holidays were coming. I wasn't going to have my kids for Christmas so his family invited me for Christmas. It was extremely stressful for me because he was so close to his parents and I had been so close to my former in laws. It all worked out well though.

Faith -- thanks, I was looking for a few opinions before bringing up the subject with BF. I'm curious if others (men in particular) get freaked out about meeting the parents.
Its funny you mention Dad -- He and I have a really great relationship. But the one area that stays "off-limits" in our talks is romance. LOL. Other than telling me I ought to find myself an airline pilot, cuz then they wouldn't be around to bug me very much!

Newly -- LOL on the wedding planning. BF's family are very excited about him having a woman around! I suspect I'll hear the same stuff. Curious about you -- why will it never happen??

Coachswife -- nice to hear everything worked out. I introduced my kids to one guy a long time ago and it was a disaster! Kids hated him, and he was too immature to handle the situation. I vowed to keep kids and dating separate, same as you, until I was sure it was serious. At about the one year mark with XBF I tried to introduce him to my daughter -- another disaster. So I'm really struggling with how/when/if to integrate kids.

BF and I are both really easy going people. And he has got just great values and integrity. I can easily foresee this being a happy long term relationship.

My BF has many of the same traits as my X, lack of dating experience, conflict avoidance, lack of emotional disclosure and a non-communicator. There are other issues too on my must have list that he doesn't meet either.
However, unlike my X he is affectionate, caring, considerate and treats me well. He's a lifelong bachelor, I believe.
So, this is a learning experience for me.
He met my kids once and wanted it to be casual, so he met us on the beach. I asked if he wanted to spend time with them again. His answer was NO. (OK, that's reason enough that he won't be long term).

His family was so excited that he met someone with kids, gushing about it. He told me he likes kids for a short while (and he is good in small doses) but he doesn't have the patience.

I chose poorly the last time, I'm still checking my reflexes on the dating world. I hope yours works out.

Yes, it did work out. His mom has just accepted me and the kids with open arms.

We started out with small outings. Meeting one was the zoo, then he met us for church- that kind of thing. Sometimes he would bring his son other times he wouldn't so that he could just focus on the kids.

We are still having growing pains but it's all working much better than I could have hoped for! Good luck and let us know what happens!

My BF has met my kids and he seems to really like them...he has none of his own. My kids like him also. My mom knows about him...hasn't met him but knows of him and I asked him last night if his mother (his father is deceased) knew about me and this was the conversation on IM about it....

ME: Does she know about me?
J: No.....lol
J: why?
ME: just wondered
J: I prefer to keep her out of the frey....She can be a major PITA
ME: how so?
J: We can talk about that later....

What do I make of that?

Newly -- sounds like you've got your head on your shoulders. Maybe not such a long term prospect.

Coachswife -- how old are the kids? Mine are in various stages of teenagehood (ICK!) so nice little outings to the zoo are out. They have such varied interests and schedules that this is going to happen in stages rather than family outings.

Alluring -- I don't think that sounds like such a big deal. He knows best if his mom is a PITA. I'd believe him!

He told me I'm going to meet his parents Friday night! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> hehe. I thought about Lexxxy and this thread, and giggled to myself. He had already told me I would meet his kids, and I was fine with that, then tonight he said that we would also drop by and say hi to his parents. He asked me if that was OK, and I laughed and said "sure... as long as they don't sit down and start planning our wedding or anything" hehe. He laughed too and assured me they wouldn't - that they are are easy-going and just want to meet me since they've heard SO MUCH about me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Lex!

Good luck Faith!!

Good luck Faith! Thats really sweet that they want to meet you!

L's parents live a couple hours away, and he met them halfway for dinner last night. It was for their 49th anniversary.
He sorta invited me, but in such a nervous sort of way that I felt like he didn't really want me there. So I decided not to go.

I have to hit my other thread on the Old BF update (ICK ICK ICK)