My wife still works with OM. She has said there is NC and I do believe her. She told me yesterday that she overheard OM talking to another person (they sit across the hall from each other) and OM was talking about his GF. She said that she felt jealous and sick to her stomach. States she does not know why. Shockingly enough I actually took this reasonably well and did not LB. I am glad she was honest with me, it makes me feel like she is sincere in her efforts to work on us. I do not know how to handle this though. OM has no interest in my wife, and according to him never did (she came on to him and he declined). Do I demand she quit her job? she is getting moved into another department, but OM is going to be taking over her current job, and I am sure there will be the expectation that she trains him. I am not at all comfortable with that, but what can I do? Also my wife said that she does not "want him" or anything like that and she has no idea why she felt this way... Does anyone have any insight here?

Frustrated,

The best reply is YES, she should quit her job!!!

Pretty simple, actually. Specially if she must "train" him.

k

Probably because she feels like she's been easily replaced...that what they had meant nothing to him. While that's not what you want to hear, it's probably what she's feeling. And part of that might be this too...she's probably feeling like she went through all of this h*** and put you through all of this as well over something that meant nothing to OM.

I know that kind of isn't fun to hear, but that's my guess on what she's feeling at least.

Just a reminder that a lot of jealousy is terrritorial -- and has nothing to do with love.

Others may have better advice, but it might be useful to walk her through what she's feeling. Is it territorial? She can't have/doesn't want him, but she doesn't want anyone else to have him, either? Or she secretly wants him to mourn her loss eternally, and bitterly regret turning her down?

If these kinds of emotions are involved, it's kind of irrational. Sharing it, and maybe even laughing about it, can bring irrational emotions down to size.

Good that she shared it.

This sounds SO familiar. My FWW still works with the OM, sees his "GF" (really, another woman he carried on an affair with) on a regular basis, and she's expressed the same feelings of jealousy. Even worse - she found out that he was sleeping with that GF before, during and after their PA.

I'd love her to leave the job and avoid all the triggers, but that's not in the cards yet, and she says that she's handling it OK. I'm not sure of that, but...

some great insight here, i sent this thread to my wife to read she agrees that it makes sense. should i just sit back and monitor the situation or shoudl i take some action? if action, what?

How about FWW coming clean with her boss, and telling him/her she doesn't want to have to help "train" her replacement?

this would certainly make me feel better, but i am certain that she would be unwilling to do this. she would be too embarrassed. At one point OM contacted WW and told her he was moving to another company which made both of us elated, but he regegged on that promise. which stinks. I want my wife to quit altogether but she does nto feel comfortable doing that for financial reasons. She would love to find another job, but has had difficulty finding one that would pay her enough. I just want this guy out of our lives and could care less abotu the financial ramifications.

Please help. There were some new and terrible developments overnight. Things were going relly well between my wife and I but I had a gut feeling that she was hiding something from me. I checked her work lap top and low and behold she was emailing OM. Turns out they have a "business trip" planned to boston for several days. One of the emails is my wife askin gOM if they can cancel the customer dinner and go to the "CHeers Bar". My response to this was to immediately expose them both to the entire company via email. Did I do the right thing? Obviously my wife is very upset, but what can I do? I want OM out of my life and I do not want to have to resort to violence to do it... Someone please give some feedback...

Frustrated,

Quote:Obviously my wife is very upset, but what can I do

Help me understand this. I read your posts on this thread and how positive you were re: your WW's intentions and now you find that she has been looking you in the face and lying.

And you are worried about how your WW is taking the exposure of her outrageous and amoral behavior?

Shouldn't SHE be the one cr*ppin in her bloomers right now not the other way around.

If you can't show her that you respect yourself enough NOT to tolerate this behavior, how my friend will she repect YOU.

You have the very good opportunity now to gain back that self respect and you did the right thing by exposing her at work. Now finish the exposure to family and friends and then go silent. Read the url below

http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/p...20to%20Consider

Best of luck.

you pose excellent points. it is just hard for me because i love this woman more than i could ever describe. i hate it that she is going through this, even if it is her own fault.

Change the title on your thread to include the words "false recovery." You'll get more help.

Frustrated,

That just plain sucks, my friend. You have done the right thing by exposing to the company. Perhaps now some "real" work on the marriage can begin.

Oh, yeah, add the OMs wife (if there is one) and any other side girlies he has to your list of family and friends. This guy is a real charmer. Expose away.

Sorry it had to be this way for you.

~ Snow