I'm sending this for our mid week humor, not bashing anyone.



Personal Ad Translations
A List of Abbreviations in the "Women Seeking Men" Classifieds:

Code Word: 40-ish
Really Means: 48

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Code Word: Adventurous
Really Means: Has had more partners than you ever will

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Code Word: Affectionate
Really Means: Possessive

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Code Word: Artist
Really Means: Unreliable

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Code Word: Athletic
Really Means: Flat chested

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Code Word: Average looking
Really Means: Ugly

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Code Word: Beautiful
Really Means: Pathological liar

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Code Word: Commitment-minded
Really Means: Pick out curtains, now!

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Code Word: Communication important
Really Means: Just try to get a word in edge-wise

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Code Word: Contagious Smile
Really Means: Bring your penicillin

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Code Word: Educated
Really Means: College dropout

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Code Word: Emotionally Secure
Really Means: Medicated

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Code Word: Employed
Really Means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home

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Code Word: Enjoys art and opera
Really Means: Snob

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Code Word: Enjoys Nature
Really Means: Bring your own granola

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Code Word: Exotic Beauty
Really Means: Would frighten a Martian

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Code Word: Feminist
Really Means: Fat; ball buster

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Code Word: Financially Secure
Really Means: One paycheck from the street

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Code Word: Free spirit
Really Means: Substance user

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Code Word: Friendship first
Really Means: Trying to live down reputation as slut

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Code Word: Fun
Really Means: Annoying

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Code Word: Gentle
Really Means: Comatose

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Code Word: Good Listener
Really Means: Borderline Autistic

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Code Word: Humorous
Really Means: Caustic

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Code Word: Intuitive
Really Means: Your opinion doesn't count

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Code Word: In Transition
Really Means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills

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Code Word: Light drinker
Really Means: Lush

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Code Word: Looks younger
Really Means: If viewed from far away in bad light

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Code Word: Loves Travel
Really Means: If you're paying

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Code Word: Loves Animals
Really Means: Cat lady

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Code Word: Mature
Really Means: Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did

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Code Word: New-Age
Really Means: All body hair, all the time

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Code Word: Non-tradional
Really Means: Ex-husband lives in the basement

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Code Word: Old-fashioned
Really Means: Lights out, missionary position only

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Code Word: Open-minded
Really Means: Desperate

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Code Word: Outgoing
Really Means: Loud

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Code Word: Passionate
Really Means: Loud

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Code Word: Petite
Really Means: Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins

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Code Word: Poet
Really Means: Depressive Schzophrenic

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Code Word: Professional
Really Means: ******

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Code Word: Redhead
Really Means: Shops on the Clairol aisle

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Code Word: Reliable
Really Means: Frumpy

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Code Word: Reubenesque
Really Means: Grossly Fat

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Code Word: Romantic
Really Means: Looks better by candle light

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Code Word: Self-employed
Really Means: Jobless

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Code Word: Smart
Really Means: Insipid

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Code Word: Special
Really Means: Road the short schoolbus

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Code Word: Spiritual
Really Means: Involved with a cult

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Code Word: Stable
Really Means: Boring

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Code Word: Tall, thin
Really Means: Anorexic

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Code Word: Tan
Really Means: Wrinkled

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Code Word: Voluptuous
Really Means: Very Fat

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Code Word: Weight proportional to height
Really Means: Hugely Fat

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Code Word: Wants Soulmate
Really Means: One step away from stalking

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Code Word: Widow
Really Means: Nagged first husband to death

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Code Word: Writer
Really Means: Pompous

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Code Word: Young at heart
Really Means: Old Toothless Fogie

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Can I add mine?
Code Word: Emotionally healthy
Really Means: I've been through the wringer with my X and can't believe I'm still sane.

Really, really funny! I have tears rolling down my face.

Emotionally Available = I wasn't for my spouse. But after he/she left me I spent three years in therapy and read 30 self-help books. Now I know how to be a good partner.

I read this one yesterday:
"loves giving massages"...

translation: I am after only a romp in the hay

and this other one:
"Openly affectionate with my partner in public"

translation: I am an exhibitionist. I have been arrested for stuff like this before.

[color:"blue"] Peachy that openly affectionate in public struck a chord. I don't know how many times I asked my ex not to grope me in "hands-off" places while in public. He once told me his fantasy was to have a really hot make out session on the hood of our car while parked in front of a restaurant or theatre with people coming and going.

???!!!

Some people are just weird.

V. [/color]

That IS weird! Doesn't he know you can mess up the paint that way? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL!!! Voice of experience?? Closest I got was in the bed of a truck but it had a liner...so I doubt any paint was harmed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

that doesn't even sound like fun. You'd hurt either your knees or your backside.

Well, not on the hood. (As I said, ya gotta be careful of the paint.) It DOES have a certain kinky appeal, though. But I don't know about in front of a restaurant though... a little too exhibitionist for my tastes.

Now a truck bed is a different matter. I can see that a liner would be good, 'cause it helps with the traction. But I think Joe Diffee had it best in his song "Pickup Man".

"Most Friday nights I can be found
In the bed of my truck in an old chaise lounge
Backed in to my spot at the drive-in show
You know the cargo light gives off a romantic glow
I never have to wait in line at the popcorn stand
'Cause there's somethin' women like about a Pickup Man!"

Dang! I gotta go change my personal ad! What am I going to say now?!

Well, Drita. Why don't you put in "MB-savvy"?

Anybody worth having will see that, know that you understand emotional needs, etc., and so they will know you're quite the catch! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm all for certain kink and certain exhibitionism but in front of a restaurant where people are trying to enjoy a meal?...I don't think so....the drive in?...count me in!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, the drive-in. Can't seem to remember the movie, but I sure liked the show! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Funny, now that I have teenagers of my own, I don't mind the demise of the drive-in so much...