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Please help. There were some new and terrible developments overnight. Things were going relly well between my wife and I but I had a gut feeling that she was hiding something from me. I checked her work lap top and low and behold she was emailing OM. Turns out they have a "business trip" planned to boston for several days. One of the emails is my wife askin gOM if they can cancel the customer dinner and go to the "CHeers Bar". My response to this was to immediately expose them both to the entire company via email. Did I do the right thing? Obviously my wife is very upset, but what can I do? I want OM out of my life and I do not want to have to resort to violence to do it... Someone please give some feedback...
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Joined: Oct 2000
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violence?
how would that attract your wife to you?
What is your goal? To be happily married, right?
How could you be happily married if you behave in ways that are wholely UNattractive?
Exposure is fine ... unless the email was ugly. What exactly did you say in the email anyway?
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Exposure is good, but expect a storm of fury over this. Do not allow yourself to be pulled into the drama and yell back. That will only confirm her belief that you're only doing this to hurt her.
Hang in there. Often times, things have to get more ugly and painful before they get better.
Do you know her company well enough to predict the reaction to this?
Dobie
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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I know violence is not the answer. i am just at my wits end... the email was not ugly, i said that there was an affair between the two people, mentioned the boston trip and the blowing off the customer, wished them the worst of luck and have a nice life. my wife is furious, she has already gone to her boss, they are just going to put out a statement saying the email is untrue...
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OK...
Have you read about and do you have a basic understanding of Plan A behaviors?
How has your plan A been so far?
Are you controling love-busters?
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i am familiar with plan a, things were going great, i was doing really well with the love busting until last night then i just went ballistic. she was aware of the exposure as i sent it so she left for work early and talked to her boss. he told her he would put out the mgt statement.. i think my marriage is over :^(
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STOP the panic
you cannot think and plan when you are in a panic
and when you are angry ... go for a walk or go to the gym and punch something.
It ain't over till it's over.
What are you GOOD at when it comes to being a husband?
What areas have you consistently NOT been good at when it comes to being a husband?
Talk to us. Quit reacting emotionally for awhile .... long enough to get a grip and slow down.
BRAKES ON
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i am good at may things as a husband, most all of which are recent changes that i made to be a better husband. which make al this hurt worse. i believed her when she said nc, and it was all a lie... i cook dinner, help with chores around the house, show love and affection, converse with my wife, pretty much everytihng that she has asked me to change about myself to make her happy i have done. and she has been telling me that she is happy, that she is in love with me, etc. but then i find out about this and now everything is a mess. my main weak spot are angry outbursts (which have gotten better of late).
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Frustrated, what can you do to control the angry outbursts? As Pep suggested, can you hit a punching bag? Go for a run or a long walk? Remove yourself when you are getting angry. Have you called your WW's manager? I would send the manager a copy of the email if you still have access to it. Is OM married? Have you exposed to his W?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Fustrated~
I know when I had my A. My H posted it VIA email to the entire company that we both worked at. At the time I hated him for it but he needed to expose the affair. What I did was wrong! You need to expose her to everyone. Family,friends,co-workers or the A will just continue. Take this from someone who was 100% in the wrong. We are going to our first MC session today.
SADUSMCWIFE~
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i send it to every email add in her company. om has resigned, and is seeking legal advice to sue me for libel.
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Did you send the email from her work email?
Is this a large company?
What proof do you have of the A?
As I'm not condoning your behavior, I can perfectly understand going off the deep end. You were hit by a bigger truck than on DDAY when we allowed yourself to believe it was over.
Keep posting... VENT here.
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i send it to every email add in her company. om has resigned, and is seeking legal advice to sue me for libel. Just so that you know, F73, truth is a defense for libel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> And seeing as how you had iirrefutable proof in the e-mails (you did save it or print it off, right?) you might be okay. I'm curious... did you forward the e-mail with the covert plans to everyone in the company (along with your editorial comment), or did you simply write up a new e-mail exposing the continuing A and send that? Seems the former would carry a lot more "weight," i.e., reinforce your contention that some hanky panky was going on. This rates right up there with the guy that exposed his W's A with the singing telegram at her place of employment.
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That is what I was thinking, GBH. The forwarding or attaching of the original would not allow for denial of the truth.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I was thinking, would an innocent person resign from his job because a spouse of a co-worker put this information out through company e-mail???
Especially so fast?
Nahh!!! Guilty as charged. He just admitted that the e-mail was true.
So the question is can a person sue for libel if the information is true?
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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[quote This rates right up there with the guy that exposed his W's A with the singing telegram at her place of employment. [/quote] Bwahahaha!!!! Tell me this is true. I love the creativity of this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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So the question is can a person sue for libel if the information is true? Sure he can sue. He doesn't have a leg to stand on, though, provided that Frustrated kept the e-mail. As for the singing telegram, yup, that happened. It was posted here a while back, but I can't remember the poster's name. I personally thought it was a little over the top, stated that opinion, and got 2x4'ed over it.
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Does the boss, who is about to issue a denial, have access to the truth?
Might it be a good idea for you to send the emails to the boss, along with any other "proof"?
I don't see why the boss would want to stand behind a lie. Only serves to humiliate him and make him into a liar. I suspect WW is lying to him.
"Virtue -- even attempted virtue -- brings light; indulgence brings fog." -- C.S. Lewis
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THE WW AND OM BOTH LIED. THEY SAID THERE WAS NO AFFAIR. NO WW IS THE VICTIM. SHE SAYS OUR MARRIAGE IS OVER
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They all say that after exposure. Sometimes it's true, but the affair is the reason, not the exposure of it.
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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