Unless, of course, you want OM to come do your wife in your own home, DO NOT MOVE OUT!

Soft 2X4 coming at you.

STOP THE DRAMA.

Allow me to let you in on a BS secret. EVERY SINGLE WS LIVES IN CHAOS. When the BS, remains calm, steadfast, it AMPLIFIES THEIR OWN CHAOS.

As cunning WS usually operate, they can not handle this. So what do you think they try to do? They try to get you riding the waves of chaos.

What's the result, you're confused, you don't know which way is up, you get disoriented, and you forget your plan entirely.

THE ADVANTAGE of this board, and Harley's methods are guess what...YOU HAVE A PLAN !!!!!

And although your plan can be altered, customzied, and flexible to accomodate the needs of YOUR goal, it is NOT acceptable for your plans to be altered because of the WS CHAOS.

STAY ON YOUR PLAN. This is vital.

Do NOT move out....why on earth would you consider such a thing? What did you do wrong here?

Do you feel the 2X4? STEER CLEAR OF HER CHAOS !!!! BE YOUR OWN LIGHTHOUSE, she needs to find her way, and if you're thrashing around the waves WITH her, you'll BOTH be lost.

Hang in there, I know it's hard. Hang in there. It's going to get much worse before it gets better.

We won't let you down, there's enough people here to let you know what's coming down the track LONG BEFORE IT HITS YOU.

listen to them

Frustrated,

I will repeat what I have said and what others are saying. Be steadfast in your goal. Quit listening to her, quit talking to her until she has something USEFUL to say. Right now she does not.

Will you PLEASE knock off the relationship talks she is the middle of an affair and she will NOT listen to you. So SHUT UP. Quit trying to FIX what you cannot fix. You stand your ground, you protect your family, and you let her dance the dance of fools. Just quit playing the music for her to dance.

Does this make sense? I hope so. What you need to do NOW is NOTHING. You have exposed. You have told her you want the marriage, let HER make the moves to end it. You could not stop her if she does, but I suspect she is NOT that anxious to do this.

So focus, focus, focus on YOUR goals, not hers. Your goal is to protect your family. Got that?

God Bless,

JL

i am back, thanks to everyone for their input. right now my plan is to simply leave her alone and wait for her to approach me. i hope and pray that when she does this it is not with divorce papers in hand. this evening i have an appointment witha counselor becausei am a friggen mess. i am bawling like a baby as i type this and feel so horribly lonely.. god please let this exposure work...

Hey, sport, her problems are just beginning. She and OM have lied to her boss. He has faked and rescinded a resignation.

Did you forward those emails you found, plus other evidence? YOU have been called a liar. Make sure you support your case, at least with the boss.

Even if you don't, there are probably others in her office who will confirm the affair, or at least saw something fishy and are now wondering.

She can be fired for lying. At the very least, the affair, and the concealment of it, are super un-professional. All her energy right now is probably going into covering her tracks and saving her job.

Let her unravel.

Fustrated~
I said that to my too when H exposed my A via company email to but I pullled my head out of the fog and relized NO I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS WRONG!So don't let her convince you that letting her continue to hide her affair from you,co-workers,Bosses or family was exceptable...take it from someone is on her side of the fence and trying to repair alll the damage I did..
USMC~

some interesting new developments over the weekend. my wife took our son and went to her mothers house because she "needed some time" i did not resist, and fought the urge to call her. when she returned on sunday, she was not nearly as cold and mean. she gave me a hug and told me that she missed me. we talked a little, slept in the same bed, but no snuggling. she left on a business trip to atlanta on monday morning. she called me yesterday and told me that she talked to her boss and now she does not have to go on business trip with OM. this is defniately a good thing. She is still being cold and stand offish, like she is mad at me, but i feel like she is just doing it to punish me in some way. i think she knows this is all her fault but does not want to admit it. my plan is to continue to not contact her and just talk to her when she reaches out to me. hopefully it will work out for the best.

ok, now she is being mean again. she called tongiht (she is out of town on business) and we talked. we talked about everyday work stuff and all seemed pleasant enough, then like an [censored] i asked her about her feelings for me. she said that she is not sure that she loves me anymore. she also said that now om hates her because of the exposure, i say great! not that he hates her, but that he will not be accepting contact from her. i did not love bust, but i did pour my heart out to her, telling her very simply that i will do anything to save our marriage and that i love her sooo very much. she told me that she loves me and that she doesn't love me in the same conversation!!! i am very sad now though because of this conversation. anyone have any advice or input? I need some right now...

oh and i forgot, she admitted that i was right in the exposure and she weas wrong. and without me coaxing or pressuring her to do so. she said that she did not agree with my method though, to which said "i did what i had to do to protect our family". I am not making anymore aplogies for doing what i pray is going to save our marriage.

Stop the relationship talk. That is absolutely necessary. Just continue Plan A'ing her. Sounds like she didn't get as angry as they usually do about exposure.

Have patience - this stuff didn't start in a day, and it won't end in a day. Very often exposure drives off the OM.

oh she was plenty hot... she said she was 90% leaning towards divorce last thursday. it is so hard for me because i am here wioth my 3 year old son and she is in atlanta. she can't talk on the phone because she has dinner with clients at night and works a trade show all day. p[lus i am not sure if she wants to . but this is all killing me because i do not know what she is thinking. i will make it a point not to talk about the r next time she calls.

!*DO*NOT*MOVE*OUT*!. That would be a very bad move. Hang in there, count to 10 before you say anything, think about what you're about to say.

Do you feel the roller coaster riding speeding up? Please review your last 3 posts. There you state she is mean about the exposure, then says you were right to expose but didn't like your method then is leaning to divorce. Boy is that confusing.

So what should you do?

1. check out your rights for your child. Speak to your lawyer (get a good one) on how to protect your child. Let them know your W is deep in the fog about her emotions (due to the A) and her mood swings do not make you or your family feel safe. You can bet she w/b mad at this action.

2. secure your finances.

3. Call Jennifer C @ MB for some quick phone counseling.
U definitely need a plan.

4. Make sure you read Surviving an Affair, His Needs/Her Needs and Love must be Tough. 1st 2 books are by Dr. Harley and the 3rd is by Dr James Dobson.

5. Stay away from M, A or R talk.

6. Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience.

7. Be a good father and reassure your children of your love.

8. Develope your immediate support group and post here as needed.

9. Think about identifying your personal boundaries.....we will discuss implementing them later.

take care,
L.

Well, my wife returned from her business trip in atlanta on friday. I took the afternoon off and we went to lunch together. we spent about 2 1/2 hours talking pleasantly, no r, m or a talk. We ended up making love that afternoon, she said it was just a stress reliever but I think it meant more to her than just that. We had a nice saturday. we ran errands together as a family (me my wife and our son) for about three hours, then in the evening we carved our halloween pumpkins and listened to music, again as a family and again no a, m or r talk. Sunday was also very nice. we took ride on a train as a family for 2 hours, watched the football games and just hung out together. overall a very nice weekend. she did take off her wedding rings but i did not press her on it. my hope is that she will put them back on when she is ready. today she returns to work. she was extremely nervous and upset. she woke up at 3:30a and paced the floor until morning. She is very embarrassed about this whole thing. I feel bad for her, but i also know this is for the best. i now feel i really can count on NC which makes me more comfortable. She goes to her IC today, I go to mine tomorrow. Task at ahdn now is to make my wife fall in love with me again. Any tipps from here are always appreciated. i am feeling so much better now, but i know there is a lot of work ahead.

wife went to her ic yesterday, came home hating me again... horrible night of anxiety attacks and no sleep. wife told me she hates me again. this morning we had an argument and i love busted... i have my appt with ic today,. wife is coming with..,. i have to get on and stick to plan a...