Before I discuss this with my H I would like to know how everyone feels b/c I'm not entirely sure I am doing the right thing?

I received a forward email from my husband and while I was scrolling down his email to get to the body of the message I noticed that he had received this email the day before from an aquaintance that he had a "fling" with a month prior to meeting me.

The dilemma is: that this past Tuesday night b/c I had been feeling neglected since he had been putting in so much OT (also please note: We all work for the same company.. They two work in the office, I work from home) She is not a real threat to me but it does bother me that when they work OT they are up there late together.. with other people of course but still together) Well anyways I had asked him.. "we are still under the impression that you are to let me know of any type of communication sent to you whether that be emails OR phone calls from women you know I would not approve of and he said "of course, I will tell you but there is nothing to tell cuz i'm not doing anything" and i really believe him deep inside my heart that he is not doing anything.. but shouldn't this count.. I don't expect him to tell me about every single time she sends him a chain email but I did expect him to tell me at that moment that he does "occasionally" receive chain emails from her.. Am I being unreasonable? I feel so badly especially b/c it was a harmless email.. in fact it was a "Jesus Christ" related email..

and the email is not the problem. The problem is he's making it very hard for me to trust him if he can't be trusted to tell me little things like this.. maybe he thought it's not big deal.. why tell me? but am I wrong to bring it up? I see this is a LB.. and it does affect me if i don't disucss this with him I just don't know how or even if i should..

any input?

Also I think it's important to point out that.. He sent me this email.. when he received it from another co worker not from her.. I just happened to see somewhere during the course of forwarding this email.. it had been sent to him from her.. SO to me it makes it seem like he received it yesterday from her.. . then received it again today from another co worker and sent it to me.. so obviously he felt it was important enough to send it to me so why not send it to me originally when he received it from her?

***I received a forward email from my husband and while I was scrolling down his email to get to the body of the message I noticed that he had received this email the day before from an aquaintance that he had a "fling" with a month prior to meeting me.***

I'm not sure I understand. If his "fling" happened before he met you, what is the problem now?
Mulan

MoBo4 - I am really confused. I don't see an "Other Person" relationship here as in "Partner in Adultery" because you said this woman was from a "fling" PRIOR to his even meeting you, much less marrying you.

IF, and only if, this person was an OP from an adulterous relationship, then the principle would be NO contact of any kind, for any reason. He could then "block" her email address and not receive any emails from her.

But it sounds a lot more like "jealousy", not a "Betrayed Spouse" situation.

Your husband might want to stop all communication with this person simply because it upsets you, but it's not a "requirement" as a "consequence" of adultery.

Perhaps I missed something, but that's what it sounds like from what you posted.

God bless.

Agree with Mulan. His involvement with her was prior to your even knowing him. While I think all of we BS wished that perhaps we had kept a closer eye on our WS, perhaps as only a means of discouraging them from beginning their A, you need to keep what happened before you, BEFORE YOU.

Since this all happened prior to your relationship, to keep this from turning into an affair, I would refer to His needs/ Her needs book.
I would introduce Dr. Harley's concept of radical honesty. Dr. Harley says that with radical honesty most affairs would have never happened because when the person finding themselves in a situtation where they feel an attraction to another person other than their spouse, they would openly admit their feelings to their spouse, who then would be able to help them through this, and because affairs flourish in the dark, telling one's spouse lessens the chance of starting the affair.
I would also start being honest with my husband about being uncomfortable with him working at the same place his old fling works at and both of you talk about the boundries that need to be in place to keep you feeling safe and your husband faithful to your marriage.

Thank you for all your responses.. It is true.. He did not cheat on me with this particular woman.. However the only reason I was disturbed by this was b/c he has cheated on me before and to prevent further tempting situations and once we started recovery, the understanding was that he would inform me of any type of communication from individuals he knew I would be uncomfortable with. Also, this lady has approached him since we've been married but he immediately cut her off and brought it to my attention. The point was not so much that she emailed him but more that he didn't tell me. It was nothing but i still felt maybe he should have mentioned it.
Nonetheless we worked this out and we understand one another so i appreciate all your feedback. Thanks

Mbo,
Since he has cheated on you before, even if it was with another woman, this situtation would be to close for comfort and I would want him to find another job. I don't know if that is right, but that would be my comfort zone. If that is not practical I would opt for keeping a real close eye on husband for signs of cheating.

Mbo,

Given that he has cheated on you in the past, IMHO that changes everything. It doesn't really matter that this woman wasn't the OW, all that matters is that she is a W. My post-A, in recovery rules for my FWH are that he isn't allowed to have female friends any more. He already demonstrated that he couldn't avoid a particular friendship from turning into a A.

I think that your FWH needs to insure that he cuts himself off from any temptation.