The reason that I may change my name...and possibily the childrens name is because we live in a tiny community and WHs family name is not one I would like to live with.
Both WH and his biological father have the same name, different middle name. When I say my last name people automatically think of my biological FIL. He is not a man anyone wants to associate with. Now my WH is following the same path. I don't want to be associated with that name...

I think I will go back to my fathers name..

A.M. I will check out the thread.

Hey, Dani! How'd it go? I've been thinking of you!

Dobie

Well I am divorced...

I am not happy, I am not depressed, I am in a flat mood.

I just did something rather stupid, but oh well, who cares now right?

Yesterday morning at 10am was supposed to be the OWs trial for violation of protection order and violation of condition of release. Well apparently her attorney thought it was a pre-trial and scheduled a protective custody hearing with another client at another court at 12. So, with 4 witnessed summoned to court by the state, and the trial ready, it was continued to November 17th by error of her attorney. The state is asking for 72 hours jail and she is contesting saying she will pay a fine instead. The problem is, she is homeless and unemployed so she can't even pay that.

Then EXWH submitted a request to be heard by the judge for termination of his name on the protection order. As it stood the protection order was two defendants (EX and I) against OW. He requested his name be struck. Well the judge said that he wasn't comfortable doing that because the underlying issues in OWs case was the violations of this very protection order. I was then asked to come to the stand and give my opinion as the victim. Well I looked at WH (at that time), I looked at OW...and I said to myself 'let it go and be the bigger person'. I said 'Your honor, the purpose of this protection order is to protect the victims from harassment and abuse perpetrated by Mrs. Cicci. At this time I feel it is necessary, provided by her past history, to continue the protection order as to myself and my children. I understand that Mr. Johns would like his name stuck from this order, and I have no objections to that. I would like to make it clear to the court that by striking Mr. Johns from the protection order, the order would still mandate that indirect contact by Mrs. Cicci not be relayed between Mr. Johns to myself. This order would still ensure that Mrs. Cicci have no direct OR indirect contact with my children or I. Mr. Johns and Mrs. Ciccis contact would be permissible.' I sat down. The judge smiled at me and said thank you and proceeded to strike EX's name from the order.

Of course, OW still has to bail conditions saying she can't contact him...so I am not sure how much good that did for him, but whatever.

Should I have done that? I am not sure.. I did though, and I am not upset about it. I let go...he is free.

We left the court hosue with a rescheduled date of 11/17 at 2:30pm.

Shortly after I got in my car he called me on my cell phone. I asked him where he was going (in an effort to try to find out if he would be going to the divorce hearing.) He said he was going to pick up his paycheck, and go home (to the OW). I said OK and hung up.

I had about two hours to kill, so suit and all, I went 4-wheeling. Gotta love it!

I got to the court house around 1:30 and talked to the court officer. I indicated that WH would not be attending and that I was prepaid to go ahead with the final hearing. We waited until exactly 2pm and begun. The final divorce was granted, BUT!!! (oh don’t I hate that word) with paternity reserved. WH submitted a request for paternity testing. (give me a break buddy, you’re the one who can’t keep his pants on, not me). So for now I have a temporary potential rights and responsibilities order which gives me sole custody and rights, and visitation at my choice. The testing for the children, ex and I is to be held on Nov. 23 and then the hearing to finalize the divorce and rights and responsibilities is going to be in February with a date not set yet. My name is my maiden name…and I am “single”? or something……

So at the top of this thread when I said I did something stupid…it is this. I called WH this morning at work. I said ‘how are you’. He said ‘fine’ I said ‘You didn’t come to court yesterday afternoon?” He acted stupid like he didn’t remember we had court. Then I told him about the paternity issue that he created could be solved at a later time but that the divorce was final. He doesn’t believe that it is final ‘this quick’. He said he wanted some proof. I told him to contact the court. He said congratulations Danielle, now you can go find a good man. Said he had to go, and he would get tested when he got notice of the date.

Well….what shall I do? I am going to dinner with about 15 friends tonight. They have a dinner every month and it just happens to be tonight. Jake will be there, and since I had told him about my wishes previously he called me this morning to tell me that he was planning to go, but that if I was uncomfortable with that he would stay home. I told him that I had no issues with him being there, it was just a bunch of friends going to dinner, why not have fun?

I feel like crying, but what point is there?
I feel like laughing because it is so unreal...in fact I don't really believe I am divorced...
I feel like smiling because I am free...of his burden..
I feel like hiding in a hole, because of the fear...

Danielle

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

You are divorced ... you can do what you like .. !!!!

Only just now found your thread and followed your sit. You traveled a long road and you have made it to the top of a hill with many different byways going down. Those roads pass beautiful lakes, rich valleys, and lush lands. So many choices ahead of you. No rush. Sit back and look at all the wonderful scenery in so many directions.

As for the name change. Thought about that once in a while as it goes both ways. At least you got to choose. H can't make a WAW give name back at D in my state. Not sure I would want to see any part of my name on a WAW stone one day. I think you made right choice for yourself.

As for kids, there should be much thought into that. But that is not to say one day it would not represent best future.

Enjoy the view.

Dani:

I have been a real hard A$$ with you and have at times been harsh with you. BUT in all honesty it was always because I thought your WH (Sorry...I mean EX Husband) was as despicable a man as has ever been posted about here. He is a member of the Wayward Husbands hall of shame here. The very fact that he topped off his cowardly actions of this past year with a question of his paternity of his children (no doubt in hopes of getting out of Child SUpport) cements any other thoughts. Divorces are never good, and are not times for congratulations....but if there is such a thing that is "one step less" than congratulating you, then I am giving it to you.

YOU are no longer married to this man, and have not been for essentially one year. You don't need anyone here to tell you to take a "cooling off" period or give it time.....before you meet other men....Whatever...you do what makes you happy....YOU deserve to meet anopther man and get married, and hopefully find a stable, loving man to help nurture your beautiful children. The sperm donor of their DNA doesn't deserve this. That man deserves about 1000 meQ of Potassium given in an IV bolus NOW (Medical people here know what that would do to you). You have been through more pain and humiliation in one life than any ten people combined should have to suffer.

GO be happy, and leave this man and his crazy derelict woman to rot in ******.

GO live your life and be successful. Your scumbag heathen EXH will no doubt come back again someday...the "officiality" of the Divorce means nothing to him so when it suits him he will come back...just realize that.

Lem

Dani, a wish for much happiness for you and your children now and in the future..

Im completely 100% in agreement with Lemonman.

Have fun with your friends and let Jake cater to you like a good man should. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sigh. Oh, you modern children.

The custom of restoring a maiden name goes back only about 30 or 40 years -- back to the 70s and the feminist movement.

Prior to that time, a divorced woman, whatever the reason, would continue to be known as Mrs. Darth Vader. Until she remarried; then I believe she was styled Mrs. Vader Smith. The idea was that, although she could be stripped of a man's love and devotion, you couldn't strip her of her social dignity as a married woman and strip her of her accustomed name. There was at least some limit to the indignities she could suffer.

I, for one, had my name changed to married name on all legal documents, plus established an international professional reputation with it. I don't view it as something to "give back" -- like a mink coat. If he didn' want me to take it -- he shouldn't have married me. I don't think men fully realize the inconvenience and annoyance of changing your name and documents.

If WS/ExH wishes to changes HIS name, he is free to do so. He can change his name to OW's name, for example. Or Jabba The Hut.

Legally, you can change your name to anything you want to unless it is with the intent to commit fraud.

Sorry, folks, for the little history/legal note! Miss Manners and Emily Post will back me up.

Congratulations, Dani! Keep whatever name you like. You have earned both of them!

Say hello to Jake for us!

Welcome to life part II.

I second what Lem says about the potassium....good one Lem! We can always dream...lol!

am so sorry things ended this way. but he's outta control and is not repentant in any way shape or form.

I am outraged this idiot...this shell of a father...would be so low as to question the paternit of his own kids he raised. shows how much fog can destroy the brain huh?

May God's blessings shower down on your and your little ones.

Heck, you've been thru so much, you will be amazed when you can catch your breath in a few days after this legalese drama..how much less stress you can have in life. After I remember the d day (divorce)...I cried. then I felt strangely relieved. No more did I carry my xh burdens around with me. My Creator carried my burdens for me now. I turned them over to HIM.

Recently when I was sick, went to my doc...and after a 3 year struggle with stress, hypertension related to the stress (from divorce and ongoing battles with xh and ow/w), my bp is now completely normal. My life has gotten pretty darn good. I have about seventy five percent less assets, but about seventy five percent more happiness now.

If I were to imagine what's happening in the hovel of a home where Billy Idol and Courtney Love reside...it would be this...she is celebrating b/c the divorce has happened. she thinks she won. meanwhile mr. idol is sulking around...probably drinking...and at some time tonight she will do or say something which will push the anger button and they will begin the sad slow trainwreck that is the reality which happens when an affair relationship actually causes divorce. I hope his family disowns him for the paternity thing btw...this man is soooooo screwed up!

I hereby nominate Mr. Idol for wS hall of shame! right along with darth! and a few others...

and yes, I am proud now to carry the name of my father...I hyphenate so people will know my son and I are our own little family.

Now...focus on the kids...on school...and life, love and healing from this ordeal.

and when your heart is ready...give your four wheeling friend a call...he sounds like a nice guy. but only when you're ready.

We knew you had this incredible courage in you after all...the kids are yours, the truth is there...and out there for anybody to read. you won this battle...you won it for your family.

but again, I side with Lem...no congratulations. Just admiration for yet another brave soul here fighting agianst the odds...and doing well even when faced with the odds you have faced.

stay away from ws and ow. both are toxic. yes, I believe ws will be back...your xwh will realize quite shortly he lost his everything...but that he gave it away willingly. you have no shame..you face each day looking yourself in the mirror...a ws cannot say or do that.

Dani,

This is just my opinion, but take a look at yourself and see if you're ready for dating again. You might do this Jake fella a disservice if he gets involved with you before you're done mourning the marriage you once had. Not the one you recently had, of course, but it can take a while even after a hellish marriage to get over it.

Just my two cents. Take it or leave it. Do what you want but have fun doing it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Dobie

think and relax...no worries on dating...do it when you are truly ready.

but in meantime, have a blast at the dinner party! You are amazing!

How was the dinner party?

And have you gotten the super-cute "just divorced" haircut yet? I think there's a rule about getting one as part of your emotional recovery.

Dobie

Not quite. A divorced woman would be known as Mrs.Maiden Name Vader until she remarried, at which time she would be Mrs. New Guy. So if Sue Lightsaber married Darth Vader and they got a divorce, she would then have been Mrs. Lightsaber Vader. If she in the future married Han Solo, she would be Mrs. Han Solo, just as she would have been if she had married him first. There's no reason Han and Darth had to share.

Florence King did a hilarious sendup of the custom in Southern Ladies and Gentlemen ,in which she questioned how one of the society women she wrote about came to be known as Mrs. Ball Holder. Minnie Ball had married Jake Holder, and then they divorced, and she couldn't be known as just plain Minnie Holder, because a woman without an honorific might be thought to be "colored". King's editor couldn't understand why the name "Ball Holder" gave her the giggles.

Miss Manners says that there was a time when a divorced woman would keep the name Mrs. Darth Vader if she was the innocent party in the divorce and meant to keep living as if she were married. That of course would mean no dates with Mr. Solo, let alone marriage, so the question of what to do with the Solo name would never arise.

If you live in a state whose legal system derives from common law, that's true. If you live in Louisiana, your legal name is the name on your birth certificate, unless you change it in a court of law, since Louisiana law derives from French civil law (not the Napoleonic Code). This even applies to married women-a married woman who signs a legal document in Louisiana must sign it with her maiden name and the married surname appended-i.e, if Jane Jones married Mark Smith, her legal signature is Jane Jones Smith.

When I married XH, he was a graduate student at Tulane University in New Orleans. I kept my maiden name, which I had intended to do anyway, and it was nice being able to explain to people that actually, in the state of Louisiana, that was my only legal name. Most Louisianians don't know that. One funny story-we had to sign some sort of legal paper for the Feds at one time and they insisted on a copy of my marriage license because of the different names. The attorney handling the transaction said something like, "Now you know that's your name, and I know that's your name, but the Federal government doesn't know anything, so just give me a copy of the license for them".

Oh Elspeth, what fun! I thought I was the only one left in the world who was interested in this kind of strange stuff. Thanks for the input.

All these young 'uns have no idea how much was simplified when "Ms." was invented!