Lately I have been finding it more and more difficult to support some of the waywards. I am also finding it difficult to encourage some of the betrayed to fight for their marriage.

~~~ especially in cases of EARLY marriage infidelity
and
~~~ especially in cases of REPEATED infidelity
and
~~~ especially in cases of LONG-TERM (years and years) infidelity

I need a pep talk .... and some of you owe me a pep talk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> (not really 'owe' .... but hey, I can feel 'entitlement' too sometimes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

I am weary of whining waywards "but my neeeeeds weren't getting met" ..... I want to scream ---> THEN GO .... LEAVE YOUR KIDS AND YOUR HOME AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE WORKED FOR AS A COUPLE AND GO HAVE A SELFISH ME ME ME INFUSION .... but just don't whine when you return to devestation !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Someone slap me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I need an attitude adjustment pronto ....

If I can only say that I'm glad you encouraged us. If you recall, Pep -

we had EARLY marriage infidelity

we had REPEATED infidelity

and we had infidelity on & off spanning 12 years


My pep talk to you is that you & the MBers here, our pastor, our friends Flukeboy & Flukette, Jennifer Chalmers, friends from church & others, individual counselors and co-workers were all USED BY GOD to bring us together. If I could send you a picture of my DD's during the A and separation vs. a picture of them smiling today, you would be glad you encouraged us. I'm tearing up to try to tell you how glad. It's been a lot of work, reflection, learning, talking, pain and healing, but I'm so glad we're together thru this life as a family again.

We had alot of the messes going on that seem insurmountable - some childhood abuse, alcoholism, porn addiction, spending, affairs, co-dependency, anger management, depression, PMS - but we are now what I consider a recovering stable FAMILY providing a happy home for DD's. The entire experience has taught me a lot and brought us both closer to God.

Don't give up Pep - with God all things are POSSIBLE!

Love, hugs, and a slap -
NTL

Hi Pep, no 2 x 4 from me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I just want to know if you saw the posts I've sent to you on Alphin and Bob's thread the other day. You didn't respond so I think you've probably missed it.

No Suzet* I did not see it .... I'll go look .... I have been REALLY tired of it all lately .... and I need an infusion of motivation

Of course, you know I am more than happy to fulfill your request for a 2X4. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

So, I don't know how much of a "Pep Talk" (get it?) this is, but here goes:

I know it gets frustrating, hearing the same things over and over. I'm not sure if you are referring to repeatedly telling NEW WS's or BS's the same thing you have told others, of if you are simply tired of repeating yourself to the SAME WS's or BS's, or both.

In the case of new WS's or BS's:

Sure, you feel redundant. Keep in mind that while this is not new information for you to say, it is new information for them to hear. The things you are telling them are the very same things that have sparked the catalyst for change in many of these new people.

For instance...Do you remember, early, early on...when Patriot and I first arrived, you encouraged him to quit his job? You pounded away at him until he understood what you were saying. I'm sure that wasn't the first time you said those things to anyone.

Remember when he quit his job? I don't even have to research this one, because I remember what you told him. You rewarded his understanding and progress with a "You 'da man!" and he felt proud. I felt proud. It was progress, and you sparked that by giving him information about something you knew.

That is just one example.

In the cases of continually repeating yourself to the same WS's and BS's, (myself included) some people are just slow learners. The ideas and principles you are trying to help them to understand are theirs for the taking, but these are LIFETIME patterns that they are trying to change. That can be very difficult and take a little longer to change. After all, it did take them a lifetime to get there.

People learn from repetitiveness. Those repeated statements are the things that stick in their heads.

They may question or challenge you, as I often do. I can't speak for others, but for myself, when I question or challenge something you are telling me it is because I am trying to learn it. Sometimes, initially, you are met with denial, but when I continue to question you, it is because I am trying to first understand it, and then learn it.

Again, some of us are very slow learners.

I'm sure that anyone would agree with me that you are a very valuable assett here, but I know that I would not want your advice or help if it were at your own expense.

This is where your own boundaries come in handy. How much of yourself and your time are you willing to give without feeling resentful? Only you can define that. Only you know what you where that line is. If a break is what you need, take it. If reminding that you are making a difference is what you need...I'm reminding. You make an enormous difference.

I don't know your real name, and you don't know mine. I don't know what you look like and you don't know what I look like, but you have made an enormous difference in my life, and many of the things you have said to me will be repeated in my head for a very long time to come, and it has made a difference for me. I've seen it make a difference for others here, too.

Ah, heck...I forgot the 2X4! Maybe some other time...

*SLAP*

I AM SENIOR DRILL INSTRUCTOR PATRIOT AND WELCOME TO THE MORNING PEP-TALK. YOU WILL BE MOTIVATED. YOU WILL BE DEDICATED. NOW HEAR THIS, LADIES. WE WILL NOT STAND FOR ANY 'I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP' CRAP FROM YOU. LIFE CONTAINS CHALLENGES, LADIES. YOU WILL FACE THESE CHALLENGES OR THEY WILL BEAT YOU. AND IF ANY CHALLENGES BEAT YOU THEN I WILL TEAR OFF YOUR HEAD AND **** DOWN YOUR NECK!!! NOW CHOKE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!

THAT IS ALL.

I understand Pep.... it's <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

The floggings will continue until morale improves !!!

Love, Lady

so far .... Patriot wins the prize !!!

well.. maybe I yelled the most and gave the best '2X4' so far, but my joking around doesn't hold a candle to what my wife said. What a miracle she is becoming to me.

I don't think you need an attitude adjustment. I think a very healthy part of you is reminding you that it isn't really your job to fix strangers' problems for them. Changing from saying "You can do this!" to "Fly while there is still time!" is really not much of a change, though. You would still be investing in the outcome of other people's decisions, and I think doing that is exactly what's tiring you out.

What if you took a timeout from advice giving for a short term and just sit with that and see how it feels?

Hey! I resemble that remark! Pep, no 2x4 from me either. I am one who has benefitted greatly from your experience and patience. We all need a break now and then.
I often find myself impatient with newbies and have to sit back and let others help.

Pep,

I am BS but don't give up. You are been a source of encouragement to all that I have read. Keep up the good fight. I appreciate it greatly.

Your friend, WOL

I confess, I am low on wit and all of my motivational dialogue was depleted getting my munchkins to school on time with a smile....

but I cannot pass up the rare opportunity to give Pepperband a 2x4!! Woo hoo!

(Though Pep, you will have to accept the metric version of a 2 x 4, okay?)

Whack! Whack! Whack!

Now keep passing it on to all those in need....

P.S. And quit your whinning, you’re beginning to sound like a victim!! (heh heh, I KNEW that would get you!)

Seriously....
Since I've been comin' round... you historically "take breaks".

Although they can last at variable intervals, you've always take "a break"

You haven't taken a break in quite awhile now.

Even for the most seasoned, it can weigh heavily on your emotions, and although every situation is different, there is that part of us that knows the BTDT thing.

Take a break Pep...even for just a day.

wow, I have to agree - I like Patriots! LOL!

Hey, all I can say is that you were a motivator for me when my head was as far up my **** as it could be! And look at us now, 5 years later. My H reads the love note I wrote to him on our 11th anniversary every morning and says how lucky he is. How lucky HE is! I'M BY FAR the lucky one! And without a doubt we couldn't have done it without you. You gave FIRM advice - but also encouragement when my head tried to peek out even a little.

You know - it's ok to take a break, too. I need to do that in patches - to get my head out of all the muck for a while. You're not alone in this, you know - you're part of a team. Sometimes you have to let the rest of the team carry you for a while, so that you can get back in there and fight the good fight!

And besides - if you want a good wacking...just go jogging bra-less. You'll have yourself a couple of black eyes in no time. ;-)

Sorry - h4f just beat out Pat
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I KNEW I shouldn't have sent h4F photos of me in my pink sweater .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> jealous aren't ya!

perfect

I am tired of my own complaints already

hee hee hee - hey lady, I'm doing pretty well myself in that area (although I PRAY I look as good as you do when I'm YOUR AGE). I'm going to send you a pic of me in MY fav shirt (pink floyd). And if manage to get preggers!! HOOOO BABY, I'll have to get a permit to carry around those missles! LOL!!

NTL .... thanks for the *slap*

Froz .... don't miss your chance to lay one on me ...

Lady Sheep .... flog-on

Elspeth .... I think you are *right-on* ... investing in other people's outcome = bad attitude

FF ... hit me

WOL ... thank you !

Jersey .... I do need a break ... thanks!