pep, again, i feel the lose for how to express what i am wanting to express.

i, like NotTooLost, am extremely grateful for you.

FL2 ... you are welcome ...

but really listen to THIS

I am NOT 'fishing' for compliments ... I need help on changing my attitude ... I can feel myself slipping into nagging and cynicism

Pep, if you're still around...

What they said and also ~

...have a think about what you're feeling

...about marriages

...and which marriages are worth saving

...given the effort required from both parties.


Mabye your triage criteria have shifted? (If that's the right term).

TA

Maybe it's menopause <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Yeah TA ... I am pretty certain I feel a shift as you described.... is that a reasonable thing?

not so sure

Just Maybe...

You're human...

Just Maybe...

You're tired...

HELPING CAN HURT..and leave YOU DEPLETED....

I get the sense that you GIVE, GIVE, GIVE all day and then GIVE here....

Maybe there's some way that we can HELP YOU more often...

I'm concerned that you don't want to take the complements and gratitude..

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? Maybe that's what you are needing..to be filled....

YOU MAY BE STARTING TO RUN ON EMPTY.....

Not a 2x4..just my thoughts about this...

7 years past that crap!

pep, i KNOW you are not fishing for compliments. i was not aiming at complimenting you, i was aiming to show you how much impact you have had on some of us. but i guess the point is you probably do know this.

so what you are asking for is help to change your attitude which seems to be slipping into nagging and cynicism...

ok, i would absolutely love to help you here, so i am trying to think about what i have learned, about behaviours i choose at times. behaviours i choose and yet i don't really like. for you right now that is nagging and cynicism.

so there are two things i feel i have learned that might help:

1. i have learned that i need to understand and deal with the feelings i am having at the time that i am tempted to act in a way that i really don't like.

2. i need to scurtinize my logic. is the behavior i am choosing the right way to go about what i want to accomplish.

ok.... i s*ck at this!!!

hey, that's a good question!!!

yeah Pep, whats wrong with getting compliments??

(i just know she is going to come back with a good explanation, d*mn lady is just too smart!)

Finally,

I was going to ask the same question again....

SO WHAT IF YOU WERE FISHING FOR COMPLEMENTS?

How come it's not OK for you to NEED AND WANT COMPLEMENTS?

here is another question for ya...

why do you post here so much? what are you wanting to accomplish? i often wonder about this. same questions applies to JL too!!!

There is nothing wrong with offering and receiving compliments ... that is extrinsic good stuff and appreciated.

But my personal 'mojo' is not from all ya'all.... it is intrinsic motivation that I feel slipping....

just writing 'motivation' I recognize that is false ... it is not my motivation that's bothering me ... something else ... more of a values re-adjusting ... I donno

hard to ask for help when I can't properly state my problem ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I am probably just thinking out loud.... old people do that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

GOOD question .... I will ponder

Pep,
Not sure I can say anything that hasn't already been said here other than I look for your posts ever since I found this board. When us newbies are in the state of denial, panic and devastation as we all are when we arrive, its people like you who give us the support and guidance we need. Yes, there are more and more of us every day and it can become depresssing and downright discouraging. Just keep in mind that everyone who has read what you have said has taken something positive away with them. Even the 2x4's you hand out are needed and in most cases appreciated.

Not too many thank yous are handed out here and you for one should get them in bunches. Take your breaks when you need them, but come back with your wisdom and wit and help all that you can. I for one will continue to look for your signature regularly!

dukhuntr

Whether it's 'reasonable' or not, it's there, so start with that. Oh, you have... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

If your triage boundary has shifted, is that because

(1) you have less resources to handle the sick and injured
or
(2) your opinion on what constitutes 'saveable' has changed
or
(3)you have greater doubts about the quality of life of survivors.

(1) just means you're tired, you've got compassion fatigue, you need resources for your own stuff. You have less energy to give to people, so you want them to get to the destination quicker. ==> take a break, and see if the impatience goes, and then look at...

(2) and (3)...and well, I'm assuming you're getting older like the rest of us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> New data comes in all the time.Changing your views because of new information is acceptable.

Has anything changed in your belief system about whether marriages are worth saving? And if so, what made it change?

TA

I dont mean to fuel Pepperbands fire, but there is a lot of sad and sick stuff that goes around on this board...and I can see how it could make a person cynnical.

But I would also hate to think of what would become of the board, if there were not some sensible, straight-forward people, like Ms. Pepperband, to chime in and put the perspectives and standards where they need to be.

Maybe you are feeling more pepper than pep--Pep, but you have had a visible impact and made a positive difference in the lives of real human beings...in't that enough to ease those cynnical feelings?

Pep - as special as you are - you're still a people! People get tired - people get burned out - people DO lose their motivation.

It's no different than keeping the motivation to remain married. I LOVE my H - I LOVE being a family and a couple and married and all that stuff...but sometimes...SOMETIMES it just feels like it would be EASIER to be FREE and SINGLE and ALONE. But just for a little while. I re-motivate myself by reminding myself just WHY it is the whole things worth the occasional hassle.

So the question about why is a good one. Because if you don't know, it would be pretty hard to have that talk with yourself!

I've seen you in person and you are not old. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I can agree with the shift in attitude. How many are willing to settle for mediocrity to save their M? I include myself in that BTW. Where someone like you or Susan or BR have come in for me has been calling me on the carpet for settling and encouraging me to grow personally.

Here...whack with a nerf 2x4 since you asked. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

(((Pep)))

You were the first person to post to me when I arrived here 18 months ago.

I was in bad shape. As bad as any in the history of this site, I think. I couldn't think straight at all. I barely made it from hour to hour.

You posted only one sentance to my pages long sob story, "Why do you not divorce her?"

You made me start thinking again. You got me through that whole day. You helped get me through this year and a half, in part. And you still make me think.

With prayers, and thanks,


PS: I don't read any WS nor most FWS any more.