I finally and irrevocably put everything in His hands and really meant it.

You gave up working or worrying within your OWN strength and capability and utterly let God determine the outcome and manegemnt of the situation with a quiet peace - the same God who overlooked your prayers for safety so many times before ?

Thats what I can't do. Lean on the same God that for whatever GREAT universal purpose let my marriage become soiled, and smashed : the thing I valued above all other mortal bessings.

i TRUST that God will do the right thing by HIS will, and that in His great plan I am a mote in God's eye but I cannot trust that God will not hurt me again, or that he will defend me from hurt. Because God doesn't do that in my witness.

* As I'm writing this I am reminded that earlier on in this process when I was so desperate I HAD no alternative but to give this us to God's will I was happier and more effective. More 'Christlike' As Ark and FF pointed out.
In my indignation and anger I have picked up the sack of rocks I left at the foot of the cross and am stumbling forward with them again. I truly DID leave them with God and I was untroubed by them COMPLETELY untroubled by them during times far harder than now.

I need to lay down my rocks again and pick up my Bible.

Thank you Lord Jesus.

LOL ! I just read my new Sig after writing this ! My answer has been in my sig for days now ! LOL !

You joking with me Jesus ? You're not supposed to be funny !

Hi Bob:

What is your viewpoint regarding EVIL or EVIL FORCES?

I believe that my FWH came under the influence of these as is possible for all of us.

Paul in Ephesians talks of "Putting on the full armor of God" in order to defend ourselves from these dangerous influences of the ENEMY, i.e. SATAN, trying to destroy us and lead us from the GOODNESS of GOD.

I believe that we live amidst spiritual warfare. Truly, Mimi.

Bob, one of Satan's favorite institutions of God's making to attack is marriage. That is why boundaries are so important. You see God gave us free will, so Squid's decision to have an A was of her own free will. There was nothing you could do or God could do to stop here. Praying for safety for your family is sound. Pray for a hedge of protection from evil around your family. I often pray for God to keep Satan out of our lives but we have to resist too.

funny. before i got to the above post, i noticed your sig and i thought... "i'm going to have to tell bob to read his own sig line!!"

you have this thought that God can control everything. i don't think i believe that. didn't ya see Bruce Almighty? You can't interfere with free will.

God did not want your marriage to become soiled and smashed!!! He did not purposely write this into His plan. I have no doubt that He hurts with you Bob.

He is not like a dad that is just watching his child being run over by a truck. If He could hurl himself in front of the truck, He would. But He cannot interfere with free will.

So he cannot hurl himself in front of the truck but He can comfort you and if you let Him, He can transform the evil into good.

I believe He did just that with you, because you let Him work thru you by loving squid the way you did.

It's ok to be mad about it all Bob!! and you can tell God you are mad all you want.

and then when you are ready to no longer be mad, ask God how He can help you let go of your anger. even if that anger is directed at Him.

at my lowest point, Nov 2003, i was so tired of being so angry!!! words cannot describe how much anger i constantly had. and if i try, i'll cry!!! (and we certainly don't need that happening!!) it really is hard to look back at that time.

this is what my prayer became at that point. "God, I don't really care about anything else, please take this anger out of my heart".

i knew my anger was hurting those around me, my husband, my kids, myself, everyone.

the peace i received as i prayed that prayer on one specific Nov night was very real and it was very dramatic. I sincerly felt a release.

In Dec 2003 i found MB.

i still have to go back to that prayer sometimes, whenever i start to feel anger about anything in the past. because sometimes i do go back to feeling angry about things. and the peace i felt that night flickers up and down as i struggle thru all. obviously!!! somedays i am not feeling at peace at all.

in your situation, what is the anger hurting? i don't think it is the same as mine because you are not hurting those around you, but you are hurting. and I believe, if you let God, he can show you how to be free from that pain.

hope some of these thoughts help.

Bob

What makes you think you shouldn't have the problems you're having?

Mimi

EVIL is often dressed up to appear attractive.

EVILDOERS have a sulphuric smell and my duty is to keep my nostrils open. ESPECIALLY to my own stench !

My AWARENESS, like my mind, wanders. Evil offers some feeling that apeals to each and every one of us. I am trying to sharpen my awareness of what (which?) evil(s) I find attractive or appealing, so I may guard myself.

One thing about me, I think too much ... and in the past, evil has come to me by way of intellectual attractiveness.

I have been finding ways to be more balanced putting my intellect aside and using other resources when appropriate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm late to the discussion (and not even the original discussion <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />), and I haven't read the last page of replies, but I had to reply to this post of Bob's:


Bob, you have exactly articulated what I have been feeling and dealing with for the last year. I won't go into the why's and what happened's to bring about these feelings...suffice to say it's been a difficult journey for me lately, too.

I was born and raised in a charismatic Christian household. My granddad, 2 uncles, an aunt, and both of my parents are ministers/missionaries. I've NEVER before questioned that God's will was always for my good...but now I question whether He even notices me or my prayers, and I question the sincerity of many other Christians.

I don't understand either, Bob. My whole life I considered God to be my "Daddy", but I struggle to feel that way now. I want to, but I just don't feel it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Lori

BTW, Bob, I don't think I've ever posted to you before (tho I've TRULY admired your steps toward recovery), so "Hi! Nice to meet ya!".

“My whole life I considered God to be my "Daddy", but I struggle to feel that way now. I want to, but I just don't feel it.”

Did you ever, perhaps as a teenager, get angry at your parents for making you do something you didn’t want to do?

Even the best daddy will make you learn things. Well, actually, The Best Dads make their children do chores and learn important things, in spite of resistance and complaining, IMO.

I am so unqualified for this discussion. Like you say Bob, I know what I want to say but can’t find the right words. I will bow out now.

With prayers,

Thanks for your thoughts, Aphelion.

My real issue isn't so much with ME as it is with the horrible things I see happen around me. Children being abused...faithful Christians dying of cancer...suicide...murder...fatal car accidents...all horrible things that happen to good people that they CANNOT control, but God CAN.

I do understand that bad things happen to good people. It's part of life.

But lately it's hard for me to see a benevolent and loving God anywhere near those situations I mentioned. I simply don't understand why He allows some things...and He DOES allow them, because they DO happen.

I won't ramble on further with my depressive mumblings. I'm obviously not in a very good spiritual place right now, and probably need to have a good convo with my mom or dad to help me work thru this. Like Bob, I WILL get over this and I will be o.k.

Lori

Where is it written or said that GOD DOES NOT ALLOW BAD THINGS TO HAPPEN?

Nowhere, that I'm aware of.

Just trying to understand WHY a loving daddy would allow a woman to drop her 3 children into the SF Bay.

Just wondering stuff like that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Lori

where is it written that God allows (or maybe better word is wants) bad things to happen?

Hi Lori, i used saw your last post. it is very hard for me as well, to understand.

i don't believe everything happens for a purpose, or was "meant" to be. i don't believe all the people who died on 9/11 died because it was their time. that would have to be quite a coincident, that they were all in the towers at that time. nope, bad things just happen here on earth.

but i do think everything can be turned into good by God.

At Peace:

In my viewpoint, GOD CANNOT BE UNDERSTOOD...HE IS TOO POWERFUL AND AWESOME for my mortal mind to COMPREHEND....

I'm not saying this is true of you... but SATAN will lead us to question the GOODNESS AND POWER OF GOD...

Satan/evil spirits could have possessed the woman who threw her children into the bay...She could have turned her back on GOD and no longer believed in his goodness and righteousness...

A Christian believes that the children are in a better place...

God could have called them "HOME" to save them from a worse life than they were living....they were in a homeless shelter..their mother was schizophrenic...

I don't question GOD...I have FAITH to know that GOD is with me and "GOD IS GREAT AND GOD IS GOOD"...sang this in kindergarten... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I can't really explain it well,I know.. my feelings about this are almost too intense for me to put into words..

I OFTEN WANT TO SHOUT ABOUT IT...

that's my belief....

That's always been my belief, too, Mimi.

I'm trying to get back to that place. Thanks for your encouraging words (and you, too, FL).

Lori

Nothing Pep. I should have whatever problems life has in store to throw at me like anyone else.

My challenge is with 'leaning' on God - relying on him to protct me. because he doesn't. The man who was healed had to remove his earthly support and rely utterly on God.

I fear doing that. Because it may please God to support me or let me fall, just as easily.

I am happy with my Lot, Pep, I have not been unfairly targetted for lifes' problems. Its the 'leaning on God' bit that I struggle with. Thats all.

Bob:

It seems to me that you have loads of blessings..lots to be thankful for...

How do you account for this..if not from God?

Just wondering about your thought process....

Bob ... has your wife become a better mother to her children due to her humbling experience?