My husband has been having an affair for the past 2 1/2 mos. for the past 3 weeks I have been a doormat. I scheduled a trip to Jamacia, we had such a good time, it was like things were better then even before. When we returned and he saw her at work he started to become distant from me again. I could not take it. I started to lose hope and was going to tell him to leave. Then I messed up. He found out I had created a profile on the matchmakers website. I told him that I never called anyone,never went on dates, and I was just looking for friendship, which is true. I told I would delete the profile and send him a confirmation, which I did. He said he thought things were getting better till he found this out. Now he says he is torn, that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful but has strong feelings for her and that something is still missing in our relationship. I have been trying all the things I have learned at this website. My plan is to continue being a doormat a little longer.

Also when we came back from Jamacia he has 2 last min bussiness trips to go on and may be gone up to 2 weeks. She is going on the trip with him, he says that a couple people from the office are going. She works for him. I plan to notify someone in upper management and his mom and sister before the trip. My fear is what is going to happen after the trip if he spends time with her on the trip and also I fear that I am starting to lose motivation, and feel hopeless about being able to win him back. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

What do you think? Am I on the right track? Do you think I need to call the hanleys?

D, Plan A is not about being a doormat. It is about the BS implementing changes in themselves that brought problems to the M. It is about being the lighthouse for the WS. You cannot be the lighthouse if you are on the verge of becoming a WS yourself. Why would you allow him to go on a trip with OW? He needs to quit his job. Have you exposed the A? To his boss, his parents, her H if she is M'd? Close friends?

Yes I have asked him to quit his job or get transferred. He told me that he will probably be transferred in January but that is long to wait, and I am not sure it is even true. He is going on the trip for work, so he says, he will go wheather I let him or not. I guess what I need to do is notify the poeple at his work, his mom, and sister before the trip.

I already told his friends, This is another thing that bothers me, I do not know what he told them about me, because they seem to be o:k with it. They even hung out with her and him together

Don't forwarn your WH, just expose in one fell swoop to his employer and his family. Do you have evidence you can provide to his employer? Be sure when you expose that you say you are doing this because you love your WH and want to save your M.

I know what you mean. After he exposed the A to me, we went away for a weekend; we had a great time and really gave me hope that this marriage can be saved.

The OW got wind of this and when to work on destroying our marriage. Since he still had some fog, she had more influence on him then I did. She knew she had to get him away from me and as far from me as possible. So secretly they moved to Vegas.

Be careful in creating a profile on any dating service. If you do please say you are married. If you put down single it would be consider fraud. If you are married and representing yourself as single, be aware that you could be guilty of fraud and subject to civil and criminal penalties under U.S. federal and state law. For example, Title 18, Section 1343 of the U.S. Code authorizes fines of up to $250,000 and jail sentences of up to five years for each offense. Believe me you don't want to that.