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I have almost completed a program that I had thrown together when I went thru my mess. this program is based on MB principles, as well as legal needs, etc. The basis of it is to have a database that asks for and compiles everything you need to help you do Plan A, Plan B, custody issues, journaling, information for your attorney should you have to go the custody/divorce route.
My question for everyone would be: What would you like to be able to do i na program such as this?
I will finish this program this weekend and it will be available sometime next week. And while much of what you might suggest may already be in there, I still would like to make this thing as good as possible by meeting as many needs as possible.
Shoot, my program saved me over $1000 in attorney's fees, because it compiled all the financial, and witness information and printed it out in a format that my attorney could use. All he had to do was put his name on it and sign it. Instead of me dumping all the info on him and one of his aides having to compile it all and type up everything.
So, please just list things you would like to see. This program gets all the bio data for everyone involved, allows for daily journaling, guides you through getting all the info you need to get and things you need to do in Plan A, Plan B. It asks for much of what is needed for custody hearings and divorce. And more.
So, please let me know what you would like to see in something like this and maybe I will add it before I deploy it the first of the week.
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Sounds like a great thing you have there Mortarman.....
Sounds like it could be something I may need in the near future......
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Hello MM;
Does it contain a section regarding snooping?
A discussion or checklist of known effective available methods. The approximate cost of such methods. The legality of those methods. The morality of such methods. Avoiding getting caught. What to do with the information. What to say if caught. How to avoid threats of prosecution by the WS.
Also, I was inspired a few weeks ago on JDINSD's thread. I believe he asked us how to throw out a WS while still trying to Plan A them. I suggested ordering a POD. In case you didn't know it is a storage company that delivers a keyed storage container to your home. You fill it and keep it in the driveway or garage for as long as you want. They can pick it up and store it at their facility or transport it to another location, if and when desired. You pay for the container drop off, pay a daily or weekly rent, then pay for transporting if you want. It is more respectfull (i.e. Plan A'ish) than just throwing their crap in the front yard, more firm than just packing them a suitcase and easier on BS than assisting or watching a WS pack up their stuff and leave.
Mr. Wondering
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Sounds like a great thing you have there Mortarman.....
Sounds like it could be something I may need in the near future...... Thanks. yes it helped me greatly to be able to organize and keep things straight. One of the reports I would print out of this for myself was what I caleld a monthly sanity check. it was a report that basically gave me all of my journal entries for a period of time (usually a month). Then I could read, see where I had been, what had transpired, and how far I had come. it also helped me debunk much of my wife's fog talk, as she would continually contradict something she had said earlier. Without it, I would be scratching my head saying "maybe she didnt say that." With journaling, and then reading occasionally, it kept me in reality and out of her mess. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Hello MM;
Does it contain a section regarding snooping?
A discussion or checklist of known effective available methods. The approximate cost of such methods. The legality of those methods. The morality of such methods. Avoiding getting caught. What to do with the information. What to say if caught. How to avoid threats of prosecution by the WS.
Also, I was inspired a few weeks ago on JDINSD's thread. I believe he asked us how to throw out a WS while still trying to Plan A them. I suggested ordering a POD. In case you didn't know it is a storage company that delivers a keyed storage container to your home. You fill it and keep it in the driveway or garage for as long as you want. They can pick it up and store it at their facility or transport it to another location, if and when desired. You pay for the container drop off, pay a daily or weekly rent, then pay for transporting if you want. It is more respectfull (i.e. Plan A'ish) than just throwing their crap in the front yard, more firm than just packing them a suitcase and easier on BS than assisting or watching a WS pack up their stuff and leave.
Mr. Wondering I did not think of that specifically. I do have a section on affair intelligence gathering, but not that indepth. Thanks. I think I can add that rather quickly. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Here is something I posted to Johng yesterday. He had posted about getting busted snooping and was concerned with getting prosecuted and/or fined. He apologized to wife and now, his reponse to this post below, he says he will not tape again because he thinks it is "morally" wrong for him. I do not dispute his feelings. He may be right. I am more concerned about a new BS using your program and coming to terms with the snooping issue. Change what you like. It is not a legal opinion. Though I am an attorney, I did not research this at all. Your program needs more precise language that is certain. Just so others are clear. Tapping of phone lines is arguably illegal in your own home, however, putting a recorder in your home is not (a car not registered to you is iffy as well). Buy a good digital one that makes no noise and do not get caught as John here did. WS's hate getting snooped on so though it is Okay to snoop, its a LB to get caught. Finally, it would behoove anyone recording to hide all receipts and deny, deny, deny if they get caught recording anything. No prosecutor in his right mind wants to prosecute a BS taping his/her WS, so you need to give him every reason to believe you didn't do it. It's the prosecutors job to prove you did it, offer no evidence and suggest that maybe WS did it herself to spy on you and/or get you in trouble. Like I said the prosecutor does not want to prosecute a "he said/she said" case against a BS. Furthermore, do not feel threatened when a WS threatens to prosecute for taping them. This is an attempt at manipulation...to keep you in line and off his/her back regarding the affair which preceeds every other concern WS has. The secrecy of the affair is the WS's concern so babble right back inviting them to try to turn you in as they have no intention of prosecuting you. Keep the "taping you" defense a secret until you are asked for a statement. Then claim to the officer you know absolutely nothing about any tape device and perhaps she/he is setting you up. Besides, I already know from the cell phone records that she is calling him. So, what's more to know? I would argue that if you can handle the degrading comments about you, the more information you have the better it is to combat your enemy (ie - OP and the affair). You will discover things you are doing right and change things you are doing wrong. You can glean weaknesses of the OP and attack those weaknesses. For example, I purchased my WW some perfume as a gift. I heard her tell OM how much she hated it, it smelled like her mom, etc. So when I discussed the perfume and asked her about it, she nicely told me she liked it though it was something more along the lines of her mother's liking. I then acted as though I knew that was the kiss of death (which I would not have otherwise known) and offered to return it for her. I got to express just how well I knew my wife and could read right through her little white lie regarding her liking the perfume. Was it a big victory? No, but Plan A is a series of little victories in the vacuum of the affair. Plus, I really got to understand that the relationship was a complete fantasy. I heard my WW lie over and over to OM to string him along in their relationship. Once you hear that it becomes easy to understand you are going to win in the end and not take the fog speech so personally.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I have got to go but I wanted to add one other quick thought.
At my high school reunion a few weeks ago one a friend of mine had just been served with divorce papers from Illinois though the family lived in Michigan. His wife had unbeknownst to him visited Illinois and changed her driver's license to her parents house. Shortly thereafter she filed for divorce. I believe Illinois has a 90 day waiting period and she filed in like 50 days so she is screwed but it is an example of what a WS will do. If a BS is faced with a long distance affair and a potential custody battle he/she must research their state and the OP's state laws and be careful. They should know even in some states just a seeming visit, even a separation by themselves without the kids, could be a ploy to change the venue for the children.
You probably covered this but I wanted to be sure.
W
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Hi, This is probably pretty silly but...
If you are a computer programmer then you are probably familiar with the artificial intelligence capability to hold a conversation w/ a person using mostly reflection.
It would be pretty cool to have somebody that I could talk to that would be attuned to marriage problems and help me get my thinking back on track when I get all angry and resentful and off track from my Plan A.
I could put in how I am frustrated that W didn't get a babysitter for the weekend, and maybe it would ask me if I could've gotten the babysitter.
Or, fact is, the forums are great, but I need somebody or something to dialogue with and friends have had enough.
Hope that helps.
Hard Head
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MM:
It is too bad my Lemonham study on infidelity and risk facor modification did not get published soon enough, as it would have been very nice to be able to get an "infidelity" risk factor analysis from your program...LOL.
Lemon
Last edited by lemonman; 10/14/05 02:00 PM.
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Mortarman: It sounds like a great idea, but please remember that all MB material (like Plan A and Plan B) is copyrighted stuff.
Even if you are not selling it, you could still get the pants sued off of you for representing yourself as part of MB when technically and legally you are not.
Have you contacted the Harleys regarding whether they would like the MB program turned into software? Hey, maybe they would, and would be happy to work with you on this.
Mulan
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Mortarman: It sounds like a great idea, but please remember that all MB material (like Plan A and Plan B) is copyrighted stuff.
Even if you are not selling it, you could still get the pants sued off of you for representing yourself as part of MB when technically and legally you are not.
Have you contacted the Harleys regarding whether they would like the MB program turned into software? Hey, maybe they would, and would be happy to work with you on this.
Mulan No, I havent contacted them..although I will be once I get it up and running. I do not use specifically the MB Plan A or Plan B or any type of counseling. This is basically a database that allows a person to store all of the information needed in order to have an effective Plan A or Plan B...or custody/divorce proceedings, if needed. It basically allows you to compile in an orderly way everything that is going on, and print out the information in a way that is needed at the time. Especially when you are dealing with your attorney. I do not believe I have overstepped any copyright laws, and I do in the documentation and links, suggest several sources for continued information (Marriage Builders, Dr. Dobson, even a web site that promotes a book to help men get custody). Like I said, this databse was very crude at first, but I have now turned it into something anyone can use, and fits well into what we do here, as well as into a plan to save money and be more effective should you need to go to court. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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how would we get this from you when it is done mortor??? mlhb
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I will have a website. To be honest, I developed this but had friends of mine who are programmers actually make it. so, they will be the ones to put it up there. I think they said they might charge like $50 for the program. For me, that would have been cheap, as I saved tons of money on my attorney's bill (he even told me that) by doing a lot of the work for him. He said that at least two of the things I had done and printed out for him saved me over $1000 in research, collation and typing by his assistants. Instead, his assistants just had to put his name on the bottome and get him to sign.
But even more than the money I saved, the database I used helped me stay focused and keep everythign organized. Organization in any "war" is key, whether that be the war to save your marriage, or the "war" of divorce and child custody. As I have told people on here before, when my wife's attorney walked in, she had a small notebook full of "evidence." My attorney walked in with two small cardboard boxes, plus a large briefcase of evidence. Most of that came from things I had collected (photographs, etc) as well as the printouts and information I had amassed in this program over a year and a half. So, not only did I save money, I handed my attorney a case that he could just walk into court and start firing nukes.
I see a few guys on here right now on their threads that could use something like this. Frustrated73 is one of them. He doesnt know what he is doing, keeps vasillating in his plan, and has no organization in his efforts. By having what I had, he could sit down once everyday, log in all of the days events, enter more information that he had gotten that is relevent, and then review where he is and wha tthings he needed to get next. It keeps you from feeling lost and not knowing what to do...while at the same time giving you something to do!
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Wowww,, you people with such great organizing skills simply amaze me!! This is coming from one that sorta muddles through life and sometimes comes out ok! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mortarman, contact Steve and present your program. He is honestly SUCH a nice guy and SO devoted to saving marriages, I'll bet you will receive much more support and encouragement than you thought possible.
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Wowww,, you people with such great organizing skills simply amaze me!! This is coming from one that sorta muddles through life and sometimes comes out ok! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mortarman, contact Steve and present your program. He is honestly SUCH a nice guy and SO devoted to saving marriages, I'll bet you will receive much more support and encouragement than you thought possible. Oh, I will be talking to Steve, maybe next week. Steve and I have talked many times when he counseled me and my wife. I firmly believe he, and his Dad and sister, are brilliant when it comes to all of this stuff. But I will be contacting him. I think what we have developed will only help them in their couseling, books, etc as this program isnt a stand alone thing. It is only a tool. The theory and practice of this stuff falls within this site, books and counseling...as well as several other sources. It really is for MB a value added service. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM,
If you are devloping a website and need anyhelp let me know - it's what I do for a living and would gladly help your cause!
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MM,
If you are devloping a website and need anyhelp let me know - it's what I do for a living and would gladly help your cause! Thanks Dorry. I will if I need it. These friends of mine, though...are kinda taking care of all of that. You see, they are the geeks that are making this thing. It is coming out of my head, from everything I have read and experienced. So they are taking all of that, and the rudimentary database I created during my ordeal, and making it into something that is easy to use and applicable to everyone. Anyway, I will definitely keep you in mind if needed. Thanks. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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that is so awesome MM - that they are helping you build this!!!! I have to say though - i am glad I don't need to buy it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> and hopefully never need software like that ever!
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Since adulterers are no longer branded with an A on the forehead or made wear a scarlet “A” on their clothes maybe a “registered love crime” database would be in order. Betrayed spouses can register their cheating worse half along with a photo and DNA so us honest people an avoid them.
Maybe we should just get the brands into the embers…
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