Everyone I think knows I still work with OM, but I think he is moving away from in mid-October to another place in the building, which will be wonderful for me. I work for a very large company.<P>However, until then, and I am still looking, I can hear him on the phone, etc. I walked by his desk, when he wasn't there, and noticed he brought in quite a few recent pictures of his beautiful son. None of his wife. He's been laughing very loudly and seems to be walking on cloud 9 and I'm walking around like someone just died.<P>I know having another child has been a big issue with his wife. She wants another and has put constant pressure on him for about a 1 1/2 at least. She doesn't seem care about their problems, according to him, which I realize I only heard one side, she just wants another child. She wants her girl now and doesn't want too much age difference between the children. According to him she has said to him, "just give me your deposit, you know you'll never leave anyway".<P>I heard someone at his desk commenting on the pictures and asking when they were going to have another. He said "well we're actually thinking about trying around xmas time". <P>I guess things are going really great for him, I'm happy for him, but it really hurts.

I know it hurts now...this type of closure brings massive emotions with it because you are in fact grieving a loss...but consider this closed door a blessing.<P>If it was partially open, it would be tempting and distracting.<P>If you pushed it open and walked through it you would have made much bigger problems in your life. You really do know that in your most rational moments. And don't take second hand info about his wife as the truth, you are getting a liar's version at best.<P>You are doing the right thing...and by eliminating the temptation of continueing the wrong thing...although the pain may be more acute in the short term, your healing will me faster and more complete in the long term.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Mornin' Ms. H-bird. Ditto on that "doing the right thing". And it will help emensely that he's moving to another building. Not seeing/hearing him will really help your healing.<P>I know how you're feeling .... it's been over a year for me and I would never have gotten THIS far if I had to see that [censored] every single day.<P>Hang tough. You're doing great!

Hummingbird--<P>He cannot possibly be on cloud 9! I honestly think he's covering up his hurt or playing some sort of game with you. It's kind of funny that one minute he wants to be with you and is unhappy in his marriage and the next minute he's ready to have another child. He's fooling himself! Maybe he feels that having another child will give him another excuse/reason to stay with his wife. Since he's not happy with his wife, maybe he feels that he can find the love he's looking for in another child.<P>Continue to do what you're doing...don't let him get to you. I know it's hard, but try and not be concerned with him anymore. I understand your pain...I felt tremendously hurt when I realized that the OM was happy getting on with his life, whether he was faking his happiness or not.<P>This morning I felt like calling my OM to apoligize for the letter I wrote him...I felt it was a little harsh. I said some nasty things to him that I could probably say about myself but didn't. I'm going to try and be strong and not call him!<P>Stay strong yourself.<BR>How are things with your husband?<P>Pam

I think one of the toughest things to handle is knowing that the OP is getting on with their life, that they're moving on. It's hard to think you will no longer be a part of their life and vice versa.<P>But they have a right to move on. In fact, they need to move on, just as much as we do.<P>--andy

Thanks Holly, your probably right and I know you can imagine how much it hurts. As FHL said, consider this door closed, but it hard. I think I need to consider it bolted, padlocked and welded shut! Part of me feels it may actually help me in moving on knowing his wife may be pregnant in the future and the other part is saying how could he, I know he can't be over me yet, but maybe I'm just fooling myself. But I guess the bottom line is it doesn't matter anymore.<P>Don't call OM! I know how hard it is. I really liked your letter to him, and I don't feel it was too hard to him at all! I could actually just cut a few lines out and send the same one to my OM. I was thinking of sending him a closure letter as well in the future, I know I'm not ready to do that now because I'm just too emotional. I would be so afraid of a return letter. I guess your OM didn't respond? <P>I'm trying to deal with one thing at a time, going through withdrawal and dealing with my marriage is really breaking me. I'm not ready to tell my husband about the affair, and I know I should. I think I need to go get over the OM first. <P>I tried to patch things up at home temporarily. I had a really bad weekend mostly because I'm distant to him and I know I'm starting arguments. I know I lots of issues at home but I also know I'm not rational right now.

Andy,<P>I want him to move on and be happy. He was a very good friend to me and that's the worse part. I've been acting like a real ***** towards him, he trys to say goodmorning and goodnight everyday and I don't reply and completely ignore him. This is so difficult for me, I still care and wish I could interact with him but I know I can't. I have to think of myself.<P>I keep telling myself he's my enemy, my unhealthy addiction.