There are indications that my wife might be having at least an emotional affair. She has stopped all physical and emotional contact with me, is home alone all day on the phone, secretive calls, etc

How do I find out if there is an emotional affair going on?

Check phone records, computer records. Put a recorder on your home phone where she won't find it. IE, snooping to get evidence before you confront. Any idea who the OM is?

Same as above and if she doesn't have a cell phone, buy one for her.
You can moniter a lot of her cell phone useage online and then check it against her cell phone history in the evenings when you get home.
MAKE SURE, when you find things you do not let her know how you found things out. You don't want to give away your methods of spying. They almost become useless when they find out how you are getting the info.
Install Keylogger software to monitor her passwords and websites, online posting etc. Monitor her e-mail
Most affairs have lots of phone calls, text-messages. Look at the recent calls for dialed and recieved on the cell phones. Also look for the first phone calls that are made in the morning and the last phone calls made at night. If you have redial, hit the redial and see what number comes up.
Check in your spouses car, trunk, etc. Look for receipts, numbers etc.
Has your spouse started losing weight?
Has your spouse started being critical of you?
Has your spouse been on the phone and acted guilty when you walk in?
Has your spouse started buying new clothes or wearing perfume when she normally wouldn't.
Has your spouse become secretive where she has been or spent her time, or has she changed her passwards to her e-mail.
The more experienced posters will follow up with some wonderful information.

Did you follow my advice from a few weeks ago and start investigating her?

I've been looking for signs so far, but haven't found anything. No receipts, no numbers, no notes, ...

How do I monitor her cell phone usage on line? What do you mean check it against her cell phone history when I get home? I guess I'm no Columbo.

She has lost a lot of weight and has been working out.
She looks really good and is very happy except when she talks to me.
She has been very critical of me. She always has been but it has gotten worse.
She stopped letting me kiss her on the lips and now pulls away when I try to hug her. No sex since February.
I came home early on our anniversary with flowers. She was on the phone, she quit talking but kept listening, she walked to a corner of the room, and stood with her back to me without acknowledging that I was there.
I answered several phone calls and had the other person hang up. I got the name off the caller ID and told her who had called. She didn't seem worried. I'm not sure if this is the other man. The number was from only a few blocks away, so it could have been his wife calling.
She got her own credit card lately, so I can't see what she has been charging lately.
She doesn't wear perfume, but has bought lots of new clothes. But then she just started a new job.
She changed to a new email account, and I don't have the new password.
She spends almost all of her free time on the phone or computer.

She has a history of lying to me, she has had an emotional affair before, she partied with an old boyfriend a few months before we were married, ...

Sounds like there are lots of signs pointing to an affair. The keylogger and phone recorder sound like my best bets. Where can I get those?

Pretty much sounds like she is having an affair. Who were the hang up calls from? Is it someone you know? Affairs usually happen with someone from work, or a neighbor, someone met through kids activities, sports, etc.

You can get a phone recorder from Radio-Shack for about $40. There are free keyloggers on the net, but I forget where. Hopefully someone else will know.

Thanks!

I didn't know the person on the hang up calls, but they only live a few blocks away. I don't know a lot of her friends, so it could be someone she met through a church or the kids. She is involved in a lot of things without me.

That, my friend, is one of your biggest marital problems. Why are you living separate lives?

She was a stay at home mom and always took the kids places while I worked. Now the kids are all in school, and she only works a few days a week. She still goes to lots of things while I'm at work.

When I'm home, she is usually here. Although she goes shopping a lot by herself and is gone all day Mondays to classes. She says she is too worn out from the kids to be my friend anymore.

She hasn't liked going out with me for some time. I ask her out or ask to meet for lunch or coffee during the day, but she isn't interested. She said she is embarrassed to go places with me because I'm not friendly and outgoing enough. I tend to be more interested in the people that are not the life of the party. She is more interested in people that are the life of the party.

When I said check the phone cell records on line, what I was talking about, at least with my cell phone co., I check numerous times of the day online, it will say when the last phone calls were made, I then check when w/h comes home against his cell phone recent calls to see if that time frame is listed on his cell phone. If not, I know that he deleted that call record from his cell phone, (hiding something). Thats all. Also, I can find out the phone number of the text-message reciever and sender, by asking for a special statement listing this.
I also would block my number and call suspicous called numbers and I would look online for reverse phone lookup, trying to find out the unknown callers name.
There is also the option of hiring a private eye.
Tell me, do you look at your spouses computer history and click on the websites that he visits? I did this a lot, and stupidly told my husband what I was doing. After that he would delete all the websites history he didn't want me to see.

Heart--sorry that you find yourself in this place. Hang on, you're in for a bumpy ride! Come here whenever you need advice. Sometimes the replys I've gotten here have been like a 2x4 upside the head, but it's usually pretty sound. I installed key-logger on my home PC, I didn't find much, but my FWH knew that I already knew about his secret e-mail account and stopped accessing it.(atleast at home). Good luck and many hugs.