How many BS that are in Plan B just HATE grocery shopping. I had the worst time today at the store, so depressing. Just me and DS. I know I should try to look at this in a fun and positive way if I can. I get to cook whatever I WANT. That just isn't working for me right now.

Trying to decide what's for dinner just reminds me that WH is not here and has chosen OW over me and DS.

Then I come home to an empty house. That is worst time of the day for me right now. DS goes outside to play with friends and it is me by my lonesome.

Any ideas to get me through this time of the day???

I accidentally called WH today ---I meant to dial my cell # to check messages and dialed his(the #'s are close except for one digit). When I realized what I did, I hung up before WH answered.

He called back about 10 minutes later....Left a message wondering if DS needed him and told me about the tax stuff. I saved his message. Now I know why WH saved the OW's message. To hear his voice again and again.....I guess I got my "fix"

I have not broken Plan B. It has been 3 full days and this is going on number 4. I believe I won't have a problem calling him. It's the pain of knowing he continues to choose OW every day he is gone that I am having a hard time dealing with.

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05

Kimberly,

I have the same problem. I hate going to the grocery store. I used to plan weekly meals with my H and he would always cook the most wonderful meals.

I have no kids to cook for though. No one to talk to when I walk in the door. Be thankful you at least have that.

Cinnymd -

I am so thankful I have DS. He is the one thing that keeps me going......I still somehow feel quite empty. You know, it's like your spouse "completes" you somehow.

What do we do about the grocery store thing????? Maybe take a cooking class & learn some new dishes??? Try a new recipe once a week??

Kim

Hi Kim, Same problem here too. Used to be going to the grocery store was either something we did together (imagine that!) or a time I used to plan nice dinners for us.

Now my cupboards are pretty bare. I hardly go to the grocery store unless I really really have to. One benefit of not having children I guess. Haven't been eating a very balanced diet lately, but then again, who's hungry?

I know all about accidently dialing WH's number. I've done it more than once I'm afraid. Old habits and all that I guess. I start dialing 404...and before I know it I've dialed his number. I actually hung up on him once because I didn't realize in time and felt bad, but he didnt' call back. I'm sure he thinks I'm a total kook.

Like Lemonman said though, I think you do have one of those WH's that will come to his senses. That's a good thing so keep up the good work! Not all of us do I'm afraid.

You can always try something new with grocery thing...new store maybe? Give you a chance to get used to a different layout (not that they are *that* different, but you know)

is there a room in your house that needs some changing?? start to do a room makeover to fill your time...im in the process of painting my whole house...too bad your not local...i could keep ya busy! lol

Stop -

Thanks for posting. I know we are in the same boat......I really don't think you and I are too far from each other. The grocery store just wasn't one of those things that I thought would depress me......

I hope Lemonman is right. Only time will tell. Sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel. But we've all come this far, why not just see it through huh???

Nikko - I wish you were local!!! I actually picked up some paint chips at Home Depot. I plan on painting my bedroom and I am working on DS's scrapbook too....

Kim

Kimberly,

I also hate shopping and cooking for myself. One way to break out is to buy something different. Buy and cook something you have never or seldom had and would like to try. New types of fish, game, ostrich…. whatever. If it works it works. If it doesn’t – well an A will ruin your appetite anyway.

No doubt. I barely eat enough to keep a small child alive....

O.k. I've decided I have had enough of a pity party. It will get better. DAY BY DAY.

Us Plan B'ers CAN DO IT!!!!!

I've decided when I get home every day I should sing my "theme song" as loud as I can. I am going to put on "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'", plug in the microphone and let it rip. That will be my routine. Will see if that keeps me from getting all down. I WILL SURVIVE.

Kim

Kimberly,
It is so funny that you posted this - I hated grocery shopping when my wife left. What is it with grocery shopping? I did not mind when she was here? When she left, I dreaded it.

Coming home to an empty house (when she had the kids) was beyond a nightmare. Last year at this time, I would come home and sob, and sob, and sob. But after I sobbed, I always felt just a little better.

She has been gone a year now. I still have bad days (some really down days), but nothing, nothing like lasy year.

You are going through a normal reaction to your spouse leaving. Stay busy, keep moving, live life. It WILL get better.

God bless you....

Keith

Keith -

I guess there is just no pleasure in buying groceries anymore. You aren't hungry anyway. Nothing sounds good. And you know when you get home with everything your spouse will not be there.

I too have cried when I came home.

I wish you the best in your personal recovery.

Kimberly

Turn on the radio and dance. Clean out your closets and buy something new. Volunteer somewhere. Easy for me to say, I'm not in Plan B yet. Soon, though. It's interesting. My WH is away on a trip and it's so peaceful around here. The difference between you and me is that WH hasn't "left" yet. But your post gives me an idea of how I will feel. Right now, I'm enjoying it and don't miss him a bit.

Don't look at it as an empty house. Because its not.

It is now your sanctuary.

Kimberly,

You have to grasp the little things. It is hard but that is what you MUST do. Make small goals - like just watching a movie, or a short walk, go window shopping, sit outside with the warm sun to your face. It is the culmination of the little things that will get you through this. There is no silver-bullet; no one thing that will make it better.

I so believed I would not make it. When I think of the long nights, nightmares, anxiety, depression, it just makes my heart ache for you. But it gradually gets better. Like I said above, I still have some really bad days but I know how to cope with them now. And they are nothing like they were when she left.

The human spirit is very resiliant. If you nuture your pain, your spirit will be come so much stronger. I see the world so much clearer than I did before and someday, you will also.

You are in my prayers tonight. God bless...

Keith

re-frame this as an oppotunity

an opportunity to EXPERIMENT

teach your child all about meal planning, food shopping and simple cooking

have an indoor picnic where you sit on a blanket, and eat from paper plates

decide that every wednesday is 'theme nite' ... like mexican nite, or Arabian Oasis nite...

and do something goofy like: all food must begin with the letter 'L'

or have a 'backwards' nite where dessert comes first <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

in other words ... mix it up
involve your child
make it fun
throw away same ole' same ole'

go to a different grocery market and try new items in the deli

funny-face pancakes and chocolate milk for dinner

a platter of delicious lunch meats and sliced vegies and cheeses ... and invite your child to put things on his plate so that everything looks like an animal ...

use your imagination

when I was feeling blue (I had kicked my H out and was by myself with 2 kids) I would announce "breakfast for dinner" and we'd have bacon and eggs and orange juice ... and the kids were happy

make grilled cheese sandwiches using your cookie cutter to make the bread into shapes before cooking.....

we even had one nite (embarrased to say this) when we ate everything with no hands.... but, that's probably carrying things a bit far <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Listen to Pepperband... A year later, I may even try some of them!!!

I went through this to recently. WH was not home often for dinner, but I always tried to have something to eat for him. Actually, that is what should have tipped me off to the A, when I started vacuum sealing more meals to freeze than he was eating fresh-I should have known.

But anyway, my vacuum sealer is packed up, it is just me and the kids. I had them make a grocery list of the kinds of food they wanted to keep. I usually made an adult meal and then a kid type dish, now I only have to cook for them so they are making out the menu now.

I also am fighting the empty house thing. I am trying to look at my home as my haven now, but that is also hard since we may have to sell it soon. So it just seems like a energy sucking dead space to me. But, I may paint some and try to spruce it up a bit. I will either be living in it or selling it, so I need to make it nice either way.

Kimberly I too feel your pain. When I gave my WW the boot 10 weeks ago after I discovered her affair I've found the hardest thing to do is come home. We have no kids. So it's just me and my dog. Lots of lonely nights and weeping too. I believe through prayer and a support network we'll all get through it but we also must FEEL it. It sure doesn't feel good I know. Most importantly take care of yourself/children as best you can. God be with you

Not so very long ago, our house was a very full house. With 2 adults, 2 kids, 1 cat, 2 dogs, a rotation of friends and a college student that called long distance frequently, it was a busy, busy place. Well, the animal situation is the same. Now, there are 2 college students who call frequently on our family cell plan. For nearly two months, there's just been DD and I at the house.

It's weird but it's good. There's less people and their activities to juggle. A whole lot less laundry, although we seem to run a full dishwasher every night. The dinner timing after a late soccer practice doesn't get so skewed. We eat what we like and we like pretty much the same thing. From all the time WH had spent in the Far East, he hated rice. Now, we eat stir fry or something Asian at least twice/week. For one dinner this week, we had a can of chili heated up with cheese scooped up with tortilla chips. After a chilly soccer practice, we had grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. Tonight was pizza. I put mushrooms on my bit and everybody was happy. We try to eat together every night. We have breakfast together. Sometimes, we shop together. I tend to cook more because I love to cook and I like to take the leftover for lunch at work.


More good things: Nobody complains about sections of the newspaper missing. Nobody throws a tantrum because the TV remote has migrated someplace. Oh yes, and now it's a communial remote. I haven't watched a televised football or baseball game for a year. I get the first shower of the day. If the dogs bark at night, nobody is crabby except for me. I can read in bed as late as I want and if I can't sleep, there's nobody to complain if I switch on the light to read. I can turn up the electric blanket as warm as I want.

A couple of weeks ago, DD was invited to a sleepover. It was the first time in over 20 years that I had slept alone in our house. It felt JUST fine.

Live the life you are given. I miss sharing my life with another adult. I miss going out to dinner with H. Maybe at a later date, I'll date somebody or have someone to share with. Meanwhile, I'm happy being me.

p.s. Friday nights are the worst...plan ahead.

I am amazed how much less trash there is to take out. My WH wasn't home much at all, I don't know how him being here generated so much trash! And I have so much less laudry now and less dishes to wash. It amazes me since he was so rarely home.

I miss him and would love to have him back, but there are certainly advantages to being the only adult in the house.

Thank you my friends for all of your support and suggestions. Lots of ideas for me to take hold of.


I feel better just now reading through everyone's posts. I still can't get over the fact that WH has not called our friends to make arrangments to see DS. It has been four days since they have spent some quality time together.

Thank you everyone!!!!!

Kimberly