Jean,

I notice in your signature that you were seperated for 2 years after your EA. It may be none of my business, and you may not want to share, but I would like to ask some questions:

1. Did you have a relationship with the EA person when you were seperated?

2. Did you have a relationship with anyone else when you were seperated?

3. Were you and your husband civil to each other during the seperation?

4. What did you feel for your husband during the seperation?

5. What brought you and your husband back together again?

Again, if you don't want to answer, I understand. I ask these questions because of my X, and I want to try to understand some of things she is feeling (not that I am comparing you to my X!).

Keith

Keith, I am sorry that I am not familar with your current situation, but I wish you the best. I would be happy to answer your question. Quick history, H and I had been M 10 years, after 9/11 I kinda freaked out examining my life, I looked up my first love, we talked on the phone for a few months, then I left my H, OM came to town a few months later.

1. Did you have a relationship with the EA person when you were seperated?
Yes, OM and I lived together for almost 2 years. It was sort of on and off as he was out of state quite a bit. At first, we seemed like a normal relationship, then he started spending more and more time out of state with work and other issues. The relationship just sort of petered out, he had drinking problems and it just became too much trouble.

2. Did you have a relationship with anyone else when you were seperated?
No, I think that is why I asked H for reconciliation. After OM and I split, I realized that I could not have a functional relationship since I had not resolved my feelings for my H.

3. Were you and your husband civil to each other during the seperation?
Very cicil, alarmingly chummy, everyone ws shocked at how well we coparented. He dated, my OM was part of our lives, my H and my OM were actually friendly and had a lot in common. At one point, they actualy worked together. It ws a pretty disturbing polygamous looking thing (H's GF wasn't too keen on it-imagine that, she planned B me pretty good)

4. What did you feel for your husband during the seperation?
I loved him, I was sad thinking we get along so well, why can't we be together. It made me sad that he was so accepting of my A, I felt he didn't care enough about me to even be offended.

5. What brought you and your husband back together again?
I always loved my H, I was full of shame and remorse, I finally just stuck my neck out and asked him to forgive me and give us a chance. I thought he loved me, but now he says that he was just tired of being alone. I don't know whether that is the truth or just WS rewritten history. I do know that the year we spent was amazing, I was amazed with how much in love we felt-he now says it was all a lie, I guess I'll never know.