This is really beginning to bother me. The last time WS spent quality time with DS was last Monday. WH has not called our friends to make arrangements to spend time with him during the weekend as far as I can tell.

One of my big conversations with WH when we were talking was that if we got a D that I felt like he would eventually phase out of DS's life. WH said that NO, that would never happen. WH said that no one could replace him as DS's Dad & he would make it a point to be involved.

Well, if this is any indication of what a D would be like then he has failed miserably so far.

Granted we are fresh into Plan B. WH might have a lot of things he is mulling over in his head.

DS doesn't ask to speak to his dad. Doesn't ask where Daddy is. I talked to DS last night about his Dad. I told him he probably noticed that Daddy wasn't here right now and that he might be wondering about that. DS nodded his head. I told him that I loved him very much and I loved Daddy. That Daddy & I were trying to work some things out that we were having some problems and it was best right now for WH not to stay here while that was happening.

I know that is a very soft explanation and doesn't at all tell the truth. But I really feel like that is best for now.

DS asked where Daddy was staying & I told him that I didn't know right now. I told DS he could call Daddy in the morning and ask him that.

I am having to encourage DS to call his Daddy. He didn't really "feel" like it this morning. But I really want WH to hear DS's voice & vice versa. I dialed the number for DS, but he got voice mail. I told him to leave a message "Good Morning Daddy."

I suppose this is all typical WS behavior. Again, another thing that just blows my mind.

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05 NO CONTACT SO FAR!

Kim, yes it is terrible, but please don't push him to call his dad. That will be compensating for your H's lacks, which are very great right now. I know you are concerned, but you can't make him be a better father. I am also concerned that he might be doing this to punish you? Is that a possibility?

((Kim))

I agree that I would not push DS to call his Dad. In my situation, WH says I just put the kids on the phone to make him feel guilty <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />. So if the kids don't ask, I don't offer. I do call them every night that they are away from me, I guess it's just my mom thing. And I document how many days WH goes without talking to the kids.

It is odd to me: when we were separated, my H was involved with a GF who really didn't want my kids around. She wanted her own family with H. They eventually broke up because H knew that she would cause a wedge between him and the girls.

Now, he is hooked up with someone who is an active predator against his family-and that is OK with him??

I told my friends the other night that DS hasn't even asked about his Dad.

I guess DS is so used to his Dad not being around with his work schedule that this is not bothering him too much. That just shows how little of a part WH was playing in DS's life. Or maybe DS is just young & carefree....not really thinking about it one way or the other.

I don't know if WH is using this as a means of punishment to me or not. It would be hard for me to believe. But, he had an A so everything else is possible.

I can't make him a better father nor a better husband.

& I am glad that I didn't call him last night!!

I've stopped trying to enable my kids relationships with their dad. I've stopped setting up dates for them. I don't give WH a schedule of their events. I believe WH has a vague idea of what's going on. I do not talk trash about WH. We joke about him sometimes but not in a mean way.

My boys have cellphones that their dad could call anytime. Generally, all of their phone conversations are about money for school or when WH calls to "brag" about something he's done. The boys talk to their dad maybe once every 3 weeks. They are not pleased with him.

WH couldn't be bothered to contact his daughter on her birthday yesterday. I believe that he thinks that I have "poisoned her" against him. He has't quite realized that DD is a thinking, feeling, analytical human being. She knows when she's been ignored and lied to. WH doesn't want to make the effort to get past her anger. He doesn't seem to understand why she'd feel like she does.

I'm really sad about it.

Add me to the list kim.

My WH decided to take a job in another country and then had the A.Since then,he has seen the kids EOW as we go through this D and there is a slight possibility he may move even farther away soon.

It was heartbreaking in the beginning.My girls,not to mention me,we very close with my WH,a very loving family.So now,this is what they get.It's really quite sad but the girls don't seem to care as much.I am not going to try and bridge gaps my WH keeps making in order to be near the homewrecking trash.And my older DD rolls her eyes a lot when my WH calls.She is much more attuned to her Dad now being this odd person who is part time in her life now.And WH professes his love and need for them but makes no moves about being closer.I think she feels uncomfortable around him much of the time.

The nature of their relationship has definitely changed and it's sad to witness.I had such hopes for my girls and now they have a dad who can't even remotely talk about personal issues and what is right because he is living the opposite.

Unfortunately all children are part of the collateral damage these WS's wreak upon us,our families and the community.You are not alone.Stay strong~

O

Figure I will chime in here. Wh cares nothing for DD12 even though he swore he would not abandon her. Yeah right she id not his biological child but it never made a difference until he walked out and she got angry. He only cares for DD2 who is his. Yep selfish A$$ is he. I have to let him see DD2 but he has no right to DD12 which is good. At least I have one child to comfort me.
Ws Are like sponges if they can suck it up they will they have no concern for anyone but them selves. Not spouse, not thier children or other family members. They seem to enjoy others pain and feed of the destruction that they cause.

Well a bit of promising news on my end. WH called our friends & asked to see DS. Wanted to see him today or tomorrow. I told them it would have to be tomorrow, already had plans today.

This conversation brought me to tears. Another realization, having to deal with "visitation".

At least WH is making an effort to see him. I am happy about that. Will see how long it keeps up though.

Joanna, I am sorry about your sitch. Grapegirl - ONCE every three weeks is all your WH can find the time for to call his kids? That is pitiful.

One day, one day these men are going to have to be accountable for their actions. If not here on this earth, then when they meet their maker.

Kim

Here here I whole heartedly agree if only The Lord would let use have the smit power for about 10 min we could straighten out a lot of WS. glad to here wh is seeing your child