I have frequented another forum for the past 7 months..I feel fortunate to have found this one as well.

It seems that there is alot of "candor" here...and frank talk. That is what I need.

The OC in my life is almost 5 months old. To my knowledge my H has not seen it. It is the result from an A that lasted maybe 6 months, that I knew about and fought a HUGE battle within. We were seperated at the time and trying to reconcile. After reconciliation, and the end of the A - to which I WAS certain - the OW came back after him again and he failed us (my COM and I).. The brief encounter produced an OC. The OW is married, but had a brief seperation during all of this. She is back with her H at this time.

Her H and I became allies in this, after taking her back he refuses contact with me.. I am not persistant or harrassing in any way, but do have questions. Her H is on the BC.

We carry the health insurance for the OC at her H;s insistance. They have a severly handicapped COM, which has been a huge insuarance burden I imagine. She was told to never have any more children. They do have a son who is normal. I wonder why he was told.

No one will speak to me about any of this... It is as if it has never happened. My H is a changed man. he is a family man and a wondeful partner now. I hate to cause waves.

We are in a small town. There is NC, supposedly. The OW was VERY vocal during the pregnancy telling everyone who's it was, though married and I was living back with H at the time.

Both H AND this OW were very mean to me during all of this. Maybe that is my trouble in overcoming my feelings?

I fall into deep emotion holes and keep to myself. I don't bother H with them, though I am sure he is suspicious. They mostly start with seeing this woman drive down the road or such. I have not seen the OC. Since the birth, she has seemed to stay hidden as much as possible. Strange, as she is the mouthy, boisterous type.

I'm miserable, though life is the best it's ever been for me and my COM.

I'm so glad you ladies are here.

Blessings,

Eibrab

Welcome to MB,...

How on earth can your H carry the health insurance for OC if he isn't on the birth certificate? If the insurance company knew that, they would NOT allow him to carry the insurance. WHY did your H take ANY responsibility for a child that DNA hasn't proven to be his?????????????????

I cannot believe this child ended up on your health insurance plan!

I also don't know why they went around telling everyone that the child was not her H's... except that at the time their M probably seemed over.

As Dr. Harley states in a letter on this site, he is well aware of many many children who think their bio father is their Mom's H, but really it is not - they are OC. But they don't know.

The OC in your life is 3 mos older than the OC in our life, so you are farther down the path than us. But we have NC with OW or OC... so far. Other than to know that OC has been born.

Is your H okay with NC? How old is your child? How long were you M when the A happened?

Sounds like you two are in a good recovery, all else going well except for issues unresolved regarding OC?

NTL

DNA was done..

The insurance bothers me, too... H says insurance company said no problem...I called as well. I hate it. But I think H doesn't want to rock the boat. He says he doesn't want to upset her H...wish he had considered her H BEFORE.

My COM are 13 and 9.. It's been very hard for them, and now...it ia all swept under the rug after being forced down our throats. In the beginning, when we were told, H was going to be a "father" to this child. After I stayed by his side, she said NC and begged her H to take her back.

I'm confused... thanks for being here.

Blessings,

Eibrab

Sorry, I misunderstood when you said her H's name was on the birth cert that the only way DNA would have been done was if he had been removed and your H had been added. My own ignorance... did your H initiate the DNA, was is court-ordered, voluntary?

NTL

Voluntary. My H paid for it.

I looked at the piece of paper that came just once, then put it away with important papers.

It made me ill.

Does anyone have NC in the same town as OW/OC ?

Thank you,

Eibrab

We are in the same area; my H passes thru the same areas as OW and OWH on his way to work, and has passed her on the streets 2x in the past week or so we think. There is a chance of running into her & her kids as restaurants, stores & malls at any time; we are always on the lookout, especially in the beginning.

NTL

Not Too Lost,

How on Earth do you handle this? It drives me nuts. I have started to rebuild faith in my H, but fear the OW's antics all the more.

They have not tried for anything from you ? Do they tell folks the truth ?

Thanks for being here.

Eibrab

Eibrab, I handle this by remembering that someday I'll be dead and be in heaven and nothing from this life will matter, except how I lived and loved. I'm serious. My God is an awesome God, and He is stronger than ANY of THIS. I have found that my complete faith and trust needs to be in Him alone, not in ANY other person, H included.

OW and OWH have not tried for anything from us... YET. Now, that being said, OC is only about 8 weeks old. We have some suspicion that OW won't file for child support / paternity JUST BECAUSE that would give us visitation/potential custody rights. She thinks (we suspect! - again NC) that she is punishing my H by using her rights as married bio mother to prohibit contact. Of course, we may be wrong about that. But by me calling her in the hospital to find out about the baby (our only contact with her at all in 6 months) I think I conveyed the proper message that we do care about this baby and have an interest in her, and that if OW decides to go for support/paternity, that I will be a major part of her D's life as well as my H. She thinks we have have this "perfect little family" (we do, compared to hers) and I'm sure she knows it would be a preferred environment for OC... I don't think she wants what she sees as the competition. Of course, this is all speculation on my part, she may file paternity requests tomorrow, we don't know.

I have no idea if she tells people the truth... When she found out she was having a girl, a co-worker emailed it to everyone in the office like it was some great exciting thing. Being married, you would think then that her co-workers assume it's her H's baby, right? I mean, who emails the whole office about somebody's child of office adultery? But with this OW, there is NO TELLING what she tells people. I just know all her kids are blondies, and this baby is dark like my H, so I don't think she'll be able to convince everyone too much - everyone knows about the long-standing A, it's why my H had to quit the job to get away from her.

How do YOU deal with it, heck you are further down the road than us!

NTL

NTL..

How selfish of me, I am sorry.. your's is much newer... I just feel like mine happened yesterday.

I have so many questions and no where to go for the answers.

You said the A was a long one. I'm sorry for that. My H's was less than a year (I think) but then resumed for a short time. The OW in my life was so very public about everything.

Don't you wonder how they function and how their mindset is, when they end up back with H and trying to sweep it all under the rug?

Have you or your H seen the OC in your life?

Thanks for sharing,

Eibrab

NTL,

I did some reading on this forum about your story.

Oh my, are we similar. In my situation, the OW and her H were seperated at the time of the birth of OC. I was told throgh mutual friends, that her H was not going to be at the birth of this child. My H was not, either. He wasn't even told, supposedly, and found out through mutual friends.

I just don't trust any of them on anything.

Now.. women like this seem to always get their way, don't they? If the OW in your life is seperated and she realized your H is not going to be there for her, I'm just betting, she's doing everything in her power to get her H back. That's what happened in my case.

The OW's H and I became friends in all of this. We had contact right up until 3 weeks before the birth of OC. He told me she was begging to come home and start over.

Then, BOOM, no contact from her H ever again... just like that. The OW called me once and left me a message saying she had moved back home and they were VERY happy and that I should never contact anyone in her life again.

Just like that. I never called or harrassed or bothered OW in any way, though she did plenty to me.. and just like that, she gets what she wants and I am not even allowed to have MY questions answered. I have felt very betrayed by all in this... even her H. He spent months telling me information about her that helped me deal with all of this. Then silence. It seems nobody cared about me or my children in this mess one bit, though I tried to do what was best for everyone.

I, suppose, in the end, I got what I wanted... her back home and not with my H, eh? I just wait for the bomb of any support being demanded.

I am assuming, and was told by an attorney that the OC is her H's in the state of Ohio, and that even though DNA was done at birth, they cannot sue for back support due to the fact that her H willingly assumed responsibilty.

She once told a mutual friend, that they would be raising the child as her H's until they were no longer together, at which point my H could have something to do with it.

My H found a real loon, I'll tell ya. I think my appreciation of NC stems more from not having C with the OW and not necessarily the child.

I wish I could help you more.

Eibrab

[color:"purple"][/color]Eibrab, you live in Ohio I do too, wow.
Email ,me please, email is in my signature. [color:"purple"] [/color]

Eibrab, don't apologize to me, you have nothing to apologize for! You seem very sweet.

Our stories certainly are similar. The A actually started as a boss/friendship for 2 years, then EA in 2/04, then PA in 4/04 on & off thru 2/05 - so really about a year - not terribly long, about typical for an A I guess.

I don't know if OW is trying to get her H back or not. Maybe he's just so done with her. But they do have 3 kids together under age 5. I hope they DO get back together, for everyone's sake.

I have read that MI is similar to what you describe in OH - if the OWH assumes responsibility for the child for any length of time he becomes considered the legal father, and I read some things that state that even if he later tries to "disown" that non-bio child, good luck to him.

My H found a real loon too, that's putting it mildly. Did you read about our OW pretending she had cancer when H moved back home? Seriously! AND later admitted all that time off work and chemo was all a lie. I was the only one who didn't believe her I think!

Keep posting here, we'll both be interested to see how this all comes out for both of us, eh? The OC from my H's A is 2 mos old tomorrow. Today is our 13th anniversary. We have not seen OC, except the picture OW sneakily emailed H.

Blessings to you -
NTL

"I have read that MI is similar to what you describe in OH - if the OWH assumes responsibility for the child for any length of time he becomes considered the legal father, and I read some things that state that even if he later tries to "disown" that non-bio child, good luck to him."

When you have time, could you explain that a bit more to me ? Would the fact that we carry the health insurance on this child exclude us from that possibility ? I still think she'd never seek CS, because that would give ME rights to co-parent the child.

One the cancer scare.... My OW kept telling my H how much her H beat her and came home drunk. Her H and became friendly... he is the most mild mannered, accepting to a fault decent guy with a very impressive job... Poor guy.

Blessings,

Eibrab

With H 19 years, me 36, H 44
2 children 13, 9
Seperated briefly
A during reconciliation 10/03 - 6/04
relapse 9/04
Told about OC 3/05
OC born 5/05
NC and suffering, but trying.

Yeah, the OW in our case has painted her H out to be a teen porn obsessed, gambling, physically and emotionally abusive weird jerk... maybe he is and maybe he isn't... I just know I don't take OW's word for it. She used all those victim stories to lure my H in to rescue her, and it worked like a charm.

I don't think the OW in our sitch wants to deal with me either!

NTL