|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128 |
Well here it is...the day I knew would come. My ex called me tonight to tell me (before I heard from anyone else) that he asked Hoover(OW) to marry him yesterday.
I knew it was coming so I am a little surprised by how much hurt I'm feeling right now. I bit my tongue... I wanted so much to lash out in pain at him, but I refrained. So many months of progress in my healing and with just one 5 minute phone call from him I feel like D-day all over again.
I know I'll get over this... I think I'm just in some kind of shock right now. He's also keeping the kids overnight tonight...this will be thier first time spending the night at her house (guess I should call it "thier" house). Now I'm just waiting for the kids to call and say goodnight to me. This sucks!!
Take care,
~Jamie~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197 |
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,253
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,253 |
How wonderful that he's waited two whole weeks after getting divorced to get engaged. What a guy!
How long until they tie the knot? Was this engagement thing a ploy to get you to allow the kids to stay the night with him? Is it a way to give this relationship some type of legitimacy?
Hang in there. I don't think there's any good time to hear about your X getting married.
((((((MG)))))))))
Grapes are versatile. Grapes can be sour, sweet, sublime as wine and fabulous even when old and dried out.
Me: BS
XCH: Clueless
2-DS: Bigger than me
1-DD: Now also bigger than me!
5/6: Personally served CH with divorce papers
6/6: CH F? wants to time to see if M can be saved
7/6: FCH reenters our lives to work on marriage but secretly signs papers to start divorce...what's that about?
Mediation set for November
Final dissolution in January 2007.
2008 and beyond: Life goes on...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138 |
i'm sorry that you have to deal with this.....no one should have to know that the person who promised to spend forever with them has now made that promise to someone else
my thoughts are with you....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128 |
thanks for the hugs.. I sure need them.
He said that they don't have a date set but he said that it most likely will not be in 2005.
He called me from his car..guess he thought it was going to turn into a shouting match. And truth be told, I wanted to turn it into one.
Guess this just leaves one last hurdle to get over.. the "wedding"... they wont have children (I don't think) she is 49.
thanks again for the hugs.
Take care,
~Jamie~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316 |
May it rain cats, dogs, tire irons, frying pans and kitchen sinks on that supposed "glorious" day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I just shared your post with my wife, Mrs. Wondering, and she pointed out one thing that may give you a little consolation. He sure enjoyed being married or why else would he rush back into it.
They don't know any of us to be polite enough to ask us but I'm sure the good people here could come up with some wonderful engagement or wedding toasts like:
Here's to WH, soon to turn forty and proving that only wine improves with time.
OR
Here's to the happy couple, as they steam ahead with their relationship may the fog prevent them from noticing the destruction they have left in their wakes.
Last thought: A set of matching horse blinders would make a lovely gift.
I am sorry you are having a difficult evening. Life has not been fair to you. You were not promised a rose garden but I pray you will find one anyway on your own.
Mr. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
Mainegirl,
I can't even imagine how you must feel. I am so sorry this is happening.
I do belive with all my heart that this will all backfire in their faces someday. I am a true believer of what goes around comes around. It may take a little time but I think in the long run you will be the one with the last laugh.
You will make a good life for yourself and be happy and they say the best revenge is a life well lived. So while your moving on and being happy just remember someday, somehow they will pay for what they have done. I truly believe that.....
Take Care of yourself
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128 |
Mr.Wondering thank you..you made me smile..tell Mrs. Wondering thanks as well.
I like the idea of the horse blinders as well... maybe I will go to the local tac shop and see if I can find me a couple of matching "his and her" sets...lol..
Take care,
~Jamie~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892 |
Mainegirl,
It seems like WS's that go on to marry/ live with their new spouse/significant other just can't shake the subconcious remnants of their destroyed marriage. In that vein , they have a need to spread their "great " news to their ex. It's almost as if they have relegated their ex to the role of brother/sister and want the approval that one would expect from their sibling. Besides continuuing their uncaring callousness towards the ex, they truly don't understand why that same ex is not sharing in their "blessed" news.
Other than the actual act of the A, this shows the WS's deviant sense of entitlement proceeding unabated but for just a little while longer.
Please read Dr Pittman's book examining the folly of these two romantics and their inexorable slide into the realization that they now have the security of being married to a vicious adulterer.
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
To add to the A wishes.... may the 'slip' down the aisle land them both on their buttocks. After all wasn't that the position they left their families for in the 1st place? Why justify the A with an M? Hm..... wonder which one is gonna step out next?!?!?! LOL!! Jaime, hugz to you and your family. Be glad he isn't trying to return as a WS. Instead he will have less reason to hurt you. Now u can move forward with the grace and dignity we have come to know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> take care, L.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 2,424
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 2,424 |
Mainegirl, It was meant for you to hear that song! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Love, Lady
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128 |
thanks hurting... I too believe in what goes around comes around... I'm looking forward to it!!
Cymanca thank you also. I will definitly give Dr.Pittmans book a look.
Should I expect and invite from the happy couple?? puke, puke...
Take care,
~Jamie~
Take care,
~Jamie~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128 |
Thanks Orchid... I just love you wit..LOL..thank you!!
Ladysheep - I think you are right... sure was wierd though..lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Sorry that your ex lacks taste. What is he thinking?
I can hardly wait to be divorced and have the infidels married to each other. That will be true justice.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I hope they have the decency to restrain themselves to a simple civil ceremony and NOT a wedding with all the hoopla ..... one of the worst wedding vows I ever heard ... "Their love was so true and was so strong ... they felt compelled to leave their marriages in order to form this bond." *everyone gasped* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> This was at a jewish ceremony and I thought it was just about the most ugly thing I had ever heard at a marriage .....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
When you hear there is a date set ... book a cruise for yourself.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,788
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,788 |
Oh well...just know it will not last. Am praying for you.
My xh got married 3 days after the D.
He began cheating on her immediately...alas he was still NOT happy after marrying her...
Why?
Why do the WS do it then?
I have a cheap answer. They sc#ew up so much, that everybody knows it and either they have the choice to come home, or to try to prove everybody else wrong, if their egos are huge, and that would be marrying the OP and showing the world they were right all along.
My xh married OW i suspect on new years' eve. I felt it in my soul it would happen that night...sixth sense or the spirit...
So...I did a party of my own...I threw a coming out single party for me. ATtended a ball with some of my single friends. I bought a sexy dress and rhinestone and silver heels. I had a party for my singleness that night. AFter all, you will be the only one truly free.
My friends all knew what had happened sometime that day...and at midnight at the ball, ironically after the traditional new years' song, the band played journey's "separate ways" (was 80's band)...I ran outta ballroom in tears. And after maybe 4 or 5 minutes sobbing, realized that it was only me who had a future here...his was sealed with his fate...and it was not a good one.
You will heal.
You will also relish in fact that if they marry, people will and always will know it's an affair marriage. HEck, you can add to the exposure whenever you want to!
Like...I sure hope they find the happiness they seek. I mean, my xh worked so hard and he and the ow both snuck around for so long and lied and cheated their way into this. Better be a good one huh? Or you can create your own.
I have done this sooooo many times on so many different levels since...
And ironically, after my xh cheated on ow yet again this summer/early fall, she said to me "I guess this is what I get because I did this to YOU."
Their future is built on lies and deception. Any idea where they're headed?
It will hurt, but you gotta reframe the reality that is right in front of you...and that is...
MOST AFFAIR MARRIAGES ARE STUPID...WRONG THING FOR WRONG REASONS.
I just think that OW should not be legally allowed to wear white...
But hey, how do I really feel about them...???lmao!
I'd publicly book either a cruise, throw a party and going away (kinda like a honeymoon) for myself...register for spa treatments, and clothes and shoes...Yes! And I would send out attractive invitations. You could register for linens, and items monogrammed with your MAIDEN initals on them.
You could throw a New Life Party! And ahem...you could send out invites to same folks on their invite list! It could be great! You could have it read:
Ms. Mainegirl, the former wife of Mr. FoggyMaine Guy
requests the honor of your presence
at a
New Life Celebration and Ceremony
held on Dec. 31, 2005 (have it same day as xh wedding)
at (cool place..)
Please join her for this special celebration. Ms. Mainegirl is registered at: (list places)
If those who are attending his wedding or some family members did NOT know he was a cheater...and it was an affair marriage...THEY WILL KNOW NOW! AND YOU'LL GET GOOD GIFTS OUTTA IT TOO! Plus since you are and were honorable in your marriage...you can wear whatever kind of dress you want...and you can have flowers in your hair...and you can look soooo incredible!
Wouldn't it be great if those attending chose to attend YOUR party vs the xh's wedding? You could also have your limo drive thru his reception with a gorgeous you out the top! It could be that nobody attends xh's wedding so they can attend your party!
Just a way to spin it my dear.
And get ready...the ow/w will get jealous b/c you'll be fabulous and single...and they will begin to LB even more...and the lie will crumble before them...and she will see him have to deal with you b/che has a history with you and she will shake in her sneaky little boots...because YOU are single and fabulous!!! and if he did it to you, he can (and will) do it to her! And your fabulousness and singleness will drive both of them insane!
I do that to my xh and wife. I relish in it...even if I don't have time to really be that way. In their minds, I am living la vida loca with men knocking my doors down...let em'dream. And let your x drool. Mine does I am sure. Poor man. i could feel sorry for him...with that awful homewrecker...but I don't!
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107 |
Pep that remarriage vow is sickening indeed...yuk
All, I believe WS marry OP soon after D because the are desperate to sanitise or legitimize their sin. To clueless onlookers, and readers of tabloids it might even seem 'romantic'.
I think its sickening, but hey - thats just Me.
MG you're well shot of him. Let the dogs have him.
MB Alumni
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128 |
Thanks everyone!!
You all gave me good advice.... the cruise sounds wonderful!!
And Pep - that wedding vow was unbelievable!! How on Earth could anyone dare say such a thing? I would have a gasped as well.
justpeachy - Oh my, you made me laugh with your invitation idea!! I loved it!
bob pure* - I do totally agree that I am better off without him. That's why I was so shocked at my reaction to his news.. I knew it was coming but it still rocked my world.
Take care,
~Jamie~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
I hope they have the decency to restrain themselves to a simple civil ceremony and NOT a wedding with all the hoopla ..... one of the worst wedding vows I ever heard ... "Their love was so true and was so strong ... they felt compelled to leave their marriages in order to form this bond." *everyone gasped* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> This was at a jewish ceremony and I thought it was just about the most ugly thing I had ever heard at a marriage ..... Ugly but true. Me thinks it ought t/b used in more Affair created ceremonies. LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Hey MG, why not offer that line for them to recite. Let him know that there are other nuts who are dumb enough to marry the OW and in the spirit of being truthful, they let the world the truth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> L.
Last edited by Orchid; 10/16/05 02:35 PM.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
365
guests, and
79
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,525
Members72,045
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
