This is absolutely crazy.
I thought Plan A is supposed to make w/s fall in love with spouse.
Well guess what?
Here I am betrayed spouse, acting like a young girl in love with my husband. All these feelings are coming back like when we were first married.
I keep on reminding myself as I am floating around on my cloud that I have to keep one foot on the ground, knowing my recovery is dependent on husband falling in love with me. Go figure.
Anybody else have this happen to them? Or am I abnormal? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I am so happy for you and keeping my fingers crossed that your WH (FWH) will stay on the recovery boat with you.

Who you falling in love with? Your H or Xws?

It's quite normal. Scary but par for the course. Make sure it is the right character you give your heart to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thank you Jean,
I feel bad for being so happy when I know so many of the b/s like you are suffering.
I'm still crossing my fingers that your husband will finally see the light and come home to you.

Thats the scary part Orchid, I am praying that it is my husband, not xws.
Only time will tell.
I still have one foot out the door though, I have to keep in that mindframe, so I don't overwhelm husband and smother him. Boy, my head is dizzy. I will prepare myself for life alone if w/h doesn't fall in love with me, but I'll work for a loving long life with husband.
Its funny, I have never been on my own before.
Wow, I could be like Mary Tyler Moore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'll have to find a Rhoda for my best friend though.
Either way, life will be good, with or without my husband. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

behave your badself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Melody when you wrote, Behave your badself, I imagined that comediene, Meyers, saying, "Oh, Behave!!!"

Just floating on a cloud, little ole me. I hope I never come down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

KDH, over this summer Squid and I spent a lot of time together at our holiday home in Wales. While the kids played like Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn in the river and hills, Squid and I talked and laughed, and planned, reminisced and made love. And we were a little like lovestruck teens too !


Its nice. Don't think its all over if those feelings dissipate though KDH. Love isn't a feeling, its an action.

All blessings.

Orchid: Don't pray to id your H, you s/b on the lookout for him. Praying is for what is NOT within your sight. If you are not sure which character stands in front of you, ASK. I did.


Orchid: Well I keep plan B in my back pocket. Not afraid to use it. H knows it. Yes, he is an H but when he acts like a WS, he lost his cushion of reasonable doubt and out comes plan B. Oh, he can moan and cry all he wants but I just look at him and shake my head. See it isn't hard for the BS at this point...... it is up to the Xws or spouse to keep us happy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: Now that in itself c/b challenging. Explore that option and know it c/b reality. If so, you w/b ready. If not he (Xws) s/b grateful you didn't make that choice. U know it is more your choice now than his. He s/b trying to win you over not you bending over backwards.


Orchid: Good attitude.

take care,
L.

You are right Bob, love is an action. I am going to have to mention that to xwh.
He kindly rubbed my back this morning as we were laying in bed talking. That was quite nice. I didn't even ask him.
See, he is filling my lovebank without even meaning to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

All right Orchid, how did you ask your spouse which person he was?
Just curious. Also, how did he answer that question?

I just asked him. It went something like:

WS came to the house. Had an attitude (like he didn't want to be here but I didn't see anyone holding a gun to his head).

BS (opens the door): Yes?

WS: Let me in.

BS: Why?

WS: Because I.... want to come in.

BS: U don't live here anymore and I am not up to any agruing today. BTW, which character are you using today? H or WS?

WS: H of course.

BS: Really, well right now your attitude stinks. I think you are the WS. If so, you will have to come back.

WS: Hm.... if I promise to be nice, will you let me in?

BS: No, you will have to show me you are nice as a H s/b treating his family. Then I will think about it. We can sit on the porch to give you that opportunity.

WS: Ok. (sits on porch - BS sits nearby on the porch).
I cam by to check on some ....stuff...

The WS acts nicely and I let him in the house. Issues are discussed, then he starts to get moody..... I again ask if he feels he is changing into the WS. If so, he will have to leave. He agrees he can feel the mood change and leaves.

That was one example. The other one was on the phone. Bottom line is I asked him straight up. Got that out in the open.

BTW, I started using this technique after I asked him to go find my real H. Let him know if I could have asked anyone else to do this task, I would have but since the WS was the only one who knew where my H really was, I had to break down and ask him. When Ws responded that he missed H also, I knew I had it in the bag. It was an admission he had 2 different personalities. It also made it known that I knew it and that it was no longer a secret. From that time forward, when the WS personality crept up in my presence, I dismissed him or removed myself from the convo (at least most of the time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ).

L.

So xwh admitted to having two personalities. I'll have to try that with mine.
The only thing is, xwh has been moody for the past four years since the death of my fil and sil, so I don't know if I am dealing with pre-affair depressed husband or w/h?