Caution, this post is somewhat X rated.
Masturbation is common with men. This is in the same light as women who yearn for passion in their life and has the same root causes. Men masturbate so they can fantasize about something that is
lacking in their relationship such as their yearning for more variety in their sex life. Or they want sex without the commitment, just sex, uncluttered by emotional overtones.
Hey, they may just be reliving the time in their teen age years when that young body rejected them in a cruel way - with a diffent outcome. Just as women are affected by sexual abuse from their early teen years, men are also affected in many and diverse ways that may not be abuse, but the long term effects are still real. In other words, they are fantasizing and there are a lot of fantasies that are possible depending on the particular male.
Unfotunately, just as with women, masturbation can lead to feelings the end result of which is an affair. In my opinion, masturbation is NOT a healthy outlet to avoid vulnerabily to an affair, but instead, it can be the precursor FOR an affair. In other words, it isn't enough to masturbate, sooner or later, under the right circumstances, the real thing happens.
Internet Porn is a HUGE issue today. Men are addicted to a much higher degree than women. Male emotional needs that source from Male Entitlement and other causes, fuel the industry - billions of dollars.
Men have fantasies just like women. Men may be locked into the "Mad, glad or sad" emotional index but they do have emotions that go beyond those simplistic ways of expressing them, they just don't have the words or the upbringing that allow them to focus on root causes and deal internally with the feelings. Men commonly look to something outside of themselves to deal with their feelings, so Internet Porn and masturbation is a temporary relief that can and often does become an addiction that interferes with healthy relationships for them or their partner.
So what do you do about it, if anything.
The first thing is to admit that Harlequin Romance novels and Playboy have a lot in common. Each caters to either female or male fantasies that do not contribute to a healthy relationship. It may be that neither party can ever relate to the other totally and if that is ok, then move on with your life. But if one or both parties feels threatened by masturbation (male or female) then some work needs to be done.
Why admit that both Harlequin (or equivilent) and Penthouse (or equivilent) are wrong? Because this REMOVES female entitlement issues from the process. In other words, if females have the same problem in great numbers, it is much harder for a woman to feel it is just a "guy" thing and thus be in a position to be more sympathetic WITH they guy who has the problem, or maybe, just maybe, they both do.
By removing female entitlement, female spouse can become a part of the solution instead of contributing to the problem by being sanctimonious. Females sanctimonious about males, perish the thought.
"MEN" is always a bad thing said in that tone of voice when the reality is that it is females too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hey, women are supposed to have more empathy - right? So use it.
Solution? Well maybe. As always, my opinions are my own and your mileage may vary.
If the two of you can talke about the issue (BOTH issues) without confrontation, that is a start. Maybe that is a healthy way to start the dialogue. You think?
Men fantasize about a lot of things; impregnation, variety (lots of issues there), bodies (men are visual), zipless sex (without the emotional overtones), submission (his or hers), the female who rejected them now submitting, domination (his or hers), and more variety in the act itself. Normally they are fantasizing about something or someone they do not have a relationship with. I mean, get real, does a guy masturbate about his wife and a common act they do together? Well maybe sometimes because she is unavailable for whatever reason - but not usually.
I will leave it up to you ladies to tell us what women fantasize about, if you are willing to do so with honesty. Be careful, some guy might be reading this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
The first step is for a woman who is dealing with a guy to want to cater to his fantasies. Can you do that? Role playing can be a good thing. This can lead to a higher state of bonding, IMHO. My wife and I always had a deal with role playing. It was when it stopped that we got infected by something else. grrrrr.
If you can get the guy to talk about his fantasies, that is the next step. First you admit there is a problem, detail the problem and then go for a solution. Say the problem is that he needs it more often - can you take care of that? If not, you got the problem, not him, IMHO.
Does he need variety of the sex act itself. Well, that may or may not be possible depending on factors I am not going to address here. This is going into areas I am not comfortable talking about in an open forum such as his need for visual stimulus that you no longer provide (child birth, etc.).
Instead, I am going to suggest something. Let him have his fantasy. After all, you probably have a few yourself, right? But ask that he act out that fantasy with you. One easy way is through, uh, provisioning yourself with access to a dietary supplement, if you get my drift. He can think anything he wants while you take care of him, but it is inescapable that you are the provider.
This may in fact be one of his primary fantasies. Uh, rejection of the by-product of said activities is NOT a good idea. And don't believe him when he says it is ok honey, it isn't.
Again, all this stuff comes out of my life experience and research, your mileage may vary.
