Tho the affair is over, she still has filed as most of you know. After I LB really bad about 2 weeks ago she is very cold to me now. I try really hard not to make her mad or say anthing to upset her.

Its only been 4 months since all of my mess started. People (who kinda tick me off) tell me, man its been 4 month move on already. Her in CA it take 6 months for the divorce to go final, thats after the cort date wich we have not had yet. Do I just keep trying? and hope her fog goes away before the 6 months is up?

Thanks Scott

Plan A is for the BS to find and make self improvement changes. Expect the WS to question those changes and hold grudges.

While in plan A you will go through phases and learn that once your changes are pretty much identified and addressed, plan A is done. You have accomplished your purpose.

If at that time, your WS is still a WS (even in spirit), then plan B is the next safe step. WS' little attempts to be nice then to draw back with attacks (remind the BS of an LB waaay back when), is not recovery. It is part of the WS game.

Learn the game and learn how NOT to play into their hands. Learn your rights and stand up for yourself and your family.

I found 'reverse babble' helps because it gives the WS back their guilt.

[color:"blue"] Here's an example:

WS: I am sorry I yelled at you earlier today but you really did pizz me off 2 weeks ago.

BS: Glad you are sorry, yea it wasn't right. As for the 2 weeks ago, don't worry, I'm over it. I am not mad at your anymore. [/color]

Do you see the difference? You are giving back her guilt. It is babble in the sense that you are not reacting to the sick mental abuse a WS puts on the BS and family. Instead you are giving it back. You may find this will baffle the WS. You really want to baffle the BS.

Learn the difference between the WS and your spouse. There is a big difference. When she is acting like your spouse, treat her well (like plan A), when she is being a WS (even in spirit) and plan B has been enacted, full throttle with
plan B.

A Ws should never be rewarded for Ws behavior.

JMHO,
L. [color:"blue"] [/color]

Wow how funny, she does act like 2 different people at times. I do see my wife at times and others I see this other woman. Im working on myself now. trying to get my anger under control and my big mouth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the info. I really hope I can get thru this mess.

Falcon,

What you wrote about the 2 different personalities is an experience that many of us have had. Scary isn't it? But it is something we can handle.

Please go and read Ray3's thread. I posted another reverse babble conversation example. See if it helps. That will be an aide to helping you from getting tooo angry. In fact anger is a stage a BS goes through. When you get a chance read the stages of grieving link in my sig line. That also helps.

Be glad you are not infected with this A disease. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Hey,

Did you read my post?

L.