hi,

i have some questions that i feel the ow are best able to answer for me.
I am attempting to build a relationship w our ow. I feel its best for me and im tottally for children having their fathers. my 4 older childrens father died when the oldest was 5. so I have some issues concerning these things.
Now first our ow is very young, 24 yet maturity leval seems even younger. my h is 43 im 44 my kids are 26, 25, 24, 22 and 14. 14 being my h. we have 4 grandkids.
im not worried about h going back to her cause ,
1. he went out with her cause we wre seperated.
2.I had told him Id never live with him again.
3. I had believed i would never be with him again.
4. we are back together and have been married over 13 years.
he had not wanted to be seperated.
5. i believe he has trully come to his sences over what he has done, and is trully embarresed by it espilly because the age factor. he has to face others including members of our church, as , as of a year ago he was a member of the worship team.
6. he has me back, which is what he always wanted anyway, i know he he inst going to leave me for her as long as i want him and love him.
now i think it is her age that i am drawn to her. I feel motherly towards her and I really believe she is going to need us.
now, should i not trust her, my heart tells me she thinks like me what is best for child.
but weve been dealing with an exw that has played games the whole time holding hd over h head. not allowing him rights to see her on a regular bassis not giving him any say at all concerningh child. so needless to say my h has major trust issues and me, im afraid of putting myself out there to her and later her hurting me. I dont know that i would have felt this same way had ow been my age,dwawn towards her. not so concerned of losing h. i believe she to has learned he was too old for her. I do feel like she is being honest with me.
honestly what do you ow think. do i trust my instincts, or is it possible she is leading me on just to mess us up later. do you think there is hidden motives. she has said i can go to dr visit with her, im going to ultra sound with her on the 28th. I am feeling in my heart that she knows I do care, after all it is half my h whom i love. so both her and i share a love and excitment towards this baby. so of all people she knows , she knows i have personal interest in this.
to let you know, h doesnt share in the excitment but is okay that i do whatever i feel i need to do. he doesnt feel the need to talk to her now or about the baby untill its here. ow doesnt understand why h wont talk to her and would at least like him to talk to her when we see her,(we run into her sometimes) instead of ignoring her. is there a reason this is so important to her? do i need to worry about this?
I should let you all know I met my h after he had been divorced for 1and a half years. he to got me pregnant and left me to go back to his wife 2 days after i told him. they had been married less then 2 years. but that explains a little of my understanding of her and also my fears. I got him back moths after s was born his xw had let him go yet held on to him flat out told me she didnt want him but that noone else was going to have him, that she was going to mess with his head. i never tried to get him, that was somthing he had to decide on his own. she finally met someone else, so let him go , we later got married, her boyfriend left her then all h*** broke loose, shes been a pain in our side eversince. she is m now has big fancy house and anything she wants but still makes sure she can mess my h up every chance she gets. Im afraid of her getting ahold of ow. that is one of my biggest fears. hd is now 18, but xw isnt letting go yet.
well, thankyou so much for any input any of youmight have.
please let me know what you think asap as i dont want to open myself up just to be hurt .

Wow. Well your story does makes sense to me why you have taken this ow on as you have. Really I feel it's admiral. I really do. It sounds like she has no one else to stand by her including your husband. You are a saint I must say.

I don't know to be honest with you. That is a HUGE age gap, but apprently it did not bother her before. But like I told you in another post, people are not evil that have affairs. They make HUGE HUGE mistakes. My peronsal opinion is if a person was mean and bitter and vendictive, they were that way before the affair and therefore they will be durning and after. Just because she slept with your husband does not make her a horrible person.

If it were me, I would do what I feel I need/want to do, but keep my gaurd up. Regardless I would have a DNA test done. That protects EVERYONE later on kwim? Neither party can get mad in say 5 years and say well it's not yours, or it's not mine etc. It's alredy in black and white.

I know of one person who became very close friends w/her ow and ended up getting very hurt over it. She found out years later she was still after her husband. But I've met a few that all adult parties have moved on and the only interest is the child.

Legally you don't have to do a thing until DNA is proven.

I think most of the people here would advise you to do that. I'm just saying you have to do what you feel you need to do or want to do.

As far as your husband not talking to her and ignoring her, well I'm sure he's embrassed, and feels weird with the 3 of you. He has guilt too I'm sure towards you and the ow/child. She probaly feels that because she is pregnant with his child he would be intersted in her pregnancy and espeically if you are, why is he not? Only assuming though.

I don't know if I helped you at all. Hopefully so though.

thankyou ntmo,

Yes to be honest my h wasnt her first mm or oldest mm. when my h and her ended it she claimed it was mainly for shock value. personally I think she wanted someone to hang out with for the summer. she asked him to just have a summer fling with her cause she knew the relatioship wouldnt go anywhere. both families didnt like age factor. my h told her no. I think she has father issues, her d was in the navy. she now feels her dad would come visit her more if she gave him a grandchild. He lives out of state. she also has man issues, doesnt believe that men stay. 2 older sisters have both been married and divorced, her mand d also divorced a year ago. that had also hit her hard, wanted parents to stay togethar even though m is a lesbian and has stayed overnights with gf for years.
I am starting to feel that yes i want to be there for her and oc, however if she were to start playing games I could walk away, it wouldnt be worth it ive already gone through the games i have no desire to do it again.
one reason my h wants nc is he feels his responsibility is to the child only, and oc not here. also he doesnt want to give her any hopes of him going back to her. like i said the ONLY reason it all happened is cause i told him i woulndnt take him back. he gave me the chance, asked me if i would take him back, i said no. so he told me he was going to start going out with her. I knew it was to get over me, he had been having a very hard time with the seperation, I thought I would handle it okay although i really felt she was way to young. it wasnt somthing he normally would have done I TRULLY BELIEVE THAT.. I think that is part of why he is so embarresed and ashamed, he went against his moral and values. just shows i believe that when were in extreem pain we will try to do anything to make that pain go away. but now we have to pay for it.

I had the desire to sleep with someone cause my pain became exstream while they were going out, but i coulnd do it, maybe because i was crieing to much to get anyone to. but I like to see it that my morels woulnt let me. I made a commitment to my h under god, untill we were divorced my body belonged to him.
I am grateful now that I didnt cause that would have added to the problems, I dont think h could have handled it. I know he couldnt. besides throgh everything weve been through in 13 years it feels good to be able to say I have only slept with h.

well thanks for your input

to anybody else im open to your thoughts also.