Well, after 3 years of this stuff, WH called this morning and asked when we could talk. I told him right now.

He said his CONSCIENCE has been bothering him lately.......
(Sheesh, I would hope so, after 3 years of living with OW).

Somehow I managed to remain very calm. He said he was extremely sorry for all that he put me through, that I was a good wife (remember that one from 3 years ago?). He continued with he hated to see me so miserable.

I told him not to worry, that actually I was quite happy. My life is going great, and didn't even mention how nice it was not to have all of his crap in my life.

One of my worst faults is not being able to hold my tongue. But I did really good. He said he was a poor excuse for a man, and I told him that he used to be a very good man, and I hoped that one day he would be again. I let him know that I have forgiven him.

He said that he never wanted to leave after D-day, but I threw him out. I answered that I was sorry, but 3 people never made a marriage.

Then he said that he always thought we would get back together, and still wanted that. I realized that the fog was coming back in again. I responded by telling him that perhaps it was best to just continue the divorce. I told him that I never wanted it to turn out this way, but sometimes we don't get what we want.

Anyway, I am quite proud of myself. I was cool, calm, and collected. It was like talking to an old friend that you have lost touch with, and haven't missed very much.

Is is safe to say that the bloom is gone from the rose????
I guess he found out that o/w was just a mere mortal woman, and not the love of his life.
I know when my sister was going through a seperation with her husband, and he had been living with the o/w for three years. My sister finally had enough and filed for divorce. Want to talk about w/h fog. He asked her how she could give up on their marriage?
She's like totally laughing now, as he had been living with o/w for the past three years. He then wanted her back. She told him no, she said she just didn't have the heart to go through all that pain again.
It had been too long.

Believer, would you ever take w/h back if he got his crap together and became husband material again?

Nope -

I never want him back. Looking back, he used to be a good man, but the last 3 years was just too much for me. And I may be rewriting the history of the marriage, but once I got over the horrible shock and sadness, I realized that there was very little to miss about him. Our marriage was not that good - my EN's were never met. We raised 8 kids together - 2 of mine, and 6 of his. Those were good days for me. I was very busy, and also needed. He was not so involved.

After D-day, I realized that I would have to make a good life for myself. Once I got moving, I noticed how wonderful life was again.

Way to go Believer! I'm proud of you... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Believer - isn't it strange how he apologises now when you've got your eye on someone else.TT

Beliver, it must have been sort of bittersweet to hear that apology, but at least he apologized!
As t&l says we will always pray for them.

Yep, I do have my eye on someone else. Just putting in time until the divorce. I think that made it so much easier. Before, I was always the one wanting the marriage. Now I couldn't care less.

Hi B,

I had one of those days too recently as we plow thru our D.I was asked a bunch of Q's about this and that and why this and that and how he still loved me,never meant to hurt me,was so sorry that I will just never know, that he wants us to talk,blah blah blah.

Well,I told him the same: those days are over and I had wanted so much more back then but I could not live like I was anymore,with him still seeing homewrecker,not doing anything to save our marriage,our love or our family.I was dying inside.I told him I cannot help him anymore.The why's and what for's are his journey now and I can't help him figure that all out(secretly thinking why don't you go ask the homewrecking trash,no wait,she hasn't a clue either!).

I also thought back to my marriage after being in self recovery all this time and also came to the conclusion that he was not someone I could be with anymore nor did I miss.He would have to be someone so different for me to go back and try and do so much work that I am just not willing to do that and I know he is incapable.I was alone in my marriage in many ways for a long time and I made the choice to stay because I loved him deeply.But having it end this way meant to me that in many ways,it was a waste of my life.But I don't have regrets.I can't now.I own my choices.

Anyway,you sound good and strong.Proud of you for being cool.I too am happier not having my WH in my life.I don't wish him a bad life but I just don't think much of him at all.

O

O-girl -

It has been a long, hard struggle. I was completely devastated at first. In fact, that went on for about a year and a half.

I was forced to get along without him. That was my salvation. I have done so many things since D-day that I always wanted to do, but he didn't. My life is much fuller.

I guess it felt good not to be needy, not to be the one clinging to hope for the marriage.

B

I am so glad you are so at peace with this.

YOU deserve a true and lasting happiness whatever that is for you.

And I do hope your 'eye' brings you a smile! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I wish you so much joy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

AW

Hi believer....long time no chat!

Just wanted to pop into your thread and say that I’m glad to sense the serenity in your tone now as opposed to when I first found this forum. We seem to be following the same path to divorce unfortunately, but I hope to be at peace with it some day too.

I find it pathetic that your WH can say “I’m sorry” while still grinding the lit cigarette in your eye. If he was truly sorry he would stop living with the HW. If someone seeks true redemption they wouldn’t have to say it; you’d see it. I hope his Harley throws a rod that launches through the seat, catches on his “manhood” and both the rod and his package end up in a yard full of starving cats!

Glad to hear you kept your cool.

Believer -

Wow. Just wanted to let you know that YOU DID GOOD! It took him 3 years to figure it out. At least he figured it out, huh??? Some never do. And then when they do it is too late. Like in your sitch.

Congrats on the feelings you have for the new guy!!! You deserve it!!!!!!!

Kimberly

Thanks for all of the support. Mostly what I feel is just a sense of relief, that it is all over. No more tears, begging, feeling that he doesn't care for me.

This saga will continue - but only for OW and WH. It's strange, because I used to hate her. Now I feel sorry for her. She has no idea what lies ahead for her.

Dear B,

Congratulations.

It looks like you have come a long way in these 3 yrs. Can't say the same for your WS.

Just words.

He's done nothing to change his behavior. If he truly believed any of the crap he was spewing at you he would start to change his ACTIONS and become a man of integrity. If he wants to respect himself, he knows what to do.

But he's a coward, and needs to lock you in as a safety net first.

Good job staying out of his fog.

Believer,

Congrats. You do sound so at peace with the way that things have turned out. Your post made me proud of you and I am sure it gave hope to so many BS whose attempts at saving their own marriages are just not working and who wonder if they will survive and achieve happiness someday.

It did also made me sort of sad in a way. Marriages start out with so much hope and anticipation of happiness and infidelity is such a bad way for things to end.

I have to wonder, if your WH and other WS's who after years finally come out of the FOG and miss their BS really really only then start to morn the loss of their marriage. I mean, the BS, by then is past the hurt, but at that point, does the WS begin to hurt once they realize the loss?

Hi Believer,

We are currently in almost similar situation right now, my H apologized and asking for reconcilation after almost 8 years of A and with two OCs. He became persistent since I knew of the affair last March.

I am not seeing other man but I had an EA that turned to a brief PA during the separation. It was over more than two years ago.

Maybe because I am also guilty of the same sin- I am having second thoughts about divorce. Though, we have been separated for five years already.

I'm happy for you- you're so confident of what you want to do with your marriage. I wish it will happen to me soon- without any guilt.

Take care,
~someoneout_there~

B, when I grow up I want to be like you. what a wonderful way you carried yourself there ? Wonderful !

Its good that WH apologised I guess, but it make you wonder if he was not just after a cake-eating reconciliation. Dunno.

You did great and I am inspired to once again control my tongue after my own unusual LB last night.