My wife and I have been together for 5 years. 1 year ago I found out about an affair she had and although I was devastated, I tried to work through it. One day about 2 months ago I asked if she had heard from him and she went off! She told me she wanted a divorce and that she wasn't even sure if we should have ever gotten married. She had felt this way for a long time and that's it...over just like that...with little remorse or emotion. She was the love of my life, how could I been so blind?!?

She is more than likely still seeing the OM. This is typical "fog" talk from a WS...they all say they should have never gotten married, I love you but not in love with you, etc...

If she wasn't still seeing him, then there would be no reason to go off that way! She is angry and will blame it all on you!

do you guys have kids? Have you gone thru the NC letter and all that with her? Did you read Surviving an Affair?

From you have said in this post alone, it all sounds like AFFAIR to me still!

i too dont want to divorce. But my wife turned out to be seeing someone and she filed over a week ago and i dont see any chance of her changing her mind

Read Plan A and Plan B. Yeah, she probably was continuing the affair secretly. That doesn't mean you have lost her. If she left you for him, Reality is going to start rearing its ugly head in their relationship.

Kandi, how are you?

i tried plan a failed tried plan b and she filed. Well i havent got any papers of yet but i dont know how long it takes to get them in mass. I feel i have lost her and there is no chance anymore i dont know what to do

You know?? we don't want many things that life brings us, it's tough when you know there's no reasons for life to treat us like paper tissue, but we've gained the experience of what not to do and how to do things better. If she wants the divorce you have no options, you can not hold on to something that is no longer there. If there was true love it should not hurt so much, problems would be solved easily and you would be smiling, are you? then do not force things, let it hurt.

I'm hurting and that will make us stronger. I've seeked in many places and people and they have all told me that I didn't deserve to be thrown out of my house, but that will not change our spouses decision, but we can change our life's.

I know how you feel, I could not be more blind-sided and devastated by this...My husband had a ONS last year, he confessed and we started MC...well 15 months, and some more lies and lots of fights later, he walked out the door. He had come home drunk (again) late at night with no wedding ring and I just lost it- so he leaves and files the papers 2 days later! How fair is that? I of course made so many mistakes throughout our marraige, as did he, but while I was willing to forgive his cheating, he could not accept my hurt and lashing out. There is nothing I can say or do to change his mind, I just have to sit here and pray that he turns back into the person that I thought he was....the worst is that while you are completely helpless in all of this, and you have no control over how it all turns out, you are also so used to turning to this person in times of need, and of course right now you cannot. What a double-edged sword. I feel so robbed of my future, my life, my whole world, and I also feel so foolish for believing him during all of this when he said that he would never, ever leave. How can you do that to someone? If he wanted out, it would have been much better if he had just left after the cheating! Why give someone hope, and let them start to trust you again, just to betray them and break their heart AGAIN??? It feels like I will never get over this hurt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I feel your pain laura. I asked my H to leave last month after I found out about an EA he was having with a mutual friend. We have had alot of trouble in our almost 19 years of marriage but never any affairs that I know of until now. I feel like I reacted out of anger in telling him to leave and contacting a lawyer. I had actually hoped that it might jar him into reality regarding his behavior over that months leading up to my finding out about the EA but it just seems he's glad to be gone. He comes over a couple of times a week to was his clothes or give me a child support check but when he's here he acts like I am a friend, not his wife who is hurting deeply. He talks about needing kitchen stuff and what groceries he should buy and that just puts a knife through my heart, I wish he would just ask to come back home and try the marriage builders concepts and see if they will work like I believe they will. I have told him how much I love him and want to work on this marriage but he says "I just need time." I feel like the longer he is gone, the less chance our marriage has to survive.

I'm pretty sure she isn't seing him anymore (that was a year ago). When confronted, he dropped her like a bad habit. That is not to say thay there may not be another one. I asked her if there was, because it would make more sense as to why she acts the way she does. She went from a caring compassionate person to she is cold and done with the marriage. I, too, think there may be someone she is interested in, but I fight that because I don't want that to be the first thing I always think...But it is. Maybe I am just paranoid.