I say you've got a great chance of reconciliation.

I say PLAN B letter and trip made him a cake-eater. BEEN THERE DONE THAT-had a same or similar or several same or similar "dates" with my H when he was with her...

Looking back, my involvement with him ENABLED the A. He was relieved of his suffering during PLAN B and got his "fix" of me...

I predict that if you go back DARK, COMPLETELY AND VERY DARK with the LIGHTS OUT...he will want to come home to be with his family...

If you continue to "date" him, I predict that the A will continue LONGER...

Sorry...

You may have to go through this like I did in order to see and believe me.. you got your fix of him and he got his fix of you and now he will go back to HER and indulge in his FANTASY LIFE some more....

We'll see but at this point reconcilation doesn't seem very likely. I'm sad and angry at the same time. Believe me, we did not have a Plan A date. I wasn't particularly accomodating. I was honest and truthful. Unfortunately, I am an angry, put-upon woman who doesn't care a lot anymore.

He does continue to get his fantasy life fix. I think he's OW's gray-haired boy toy. Possibily fun but more likely paying for everything.

Do you suggest that I still stay dark even if he does do counseling with Steve? My guess is that there's about a 20% chance of WH speaking with him. Of course, WH said he would and therefore, it is probably a lie.

I think that right now dark is a very good place to be. It's the best way to protect myself.

Why did you go on the "date" then and fix yourself up, etc.?

Why did you break your PLAN B?

Hey GG do you want to go out with me? I'm in almost the exact same place except my wife is just out and out lying to me and not doing anything productive to get this train on the tracks other than claiming that she has ended it. I could really go for just a nice night with some adult company for an in-home movie, some popcorn and conversation. Sometimes it's just the simple things you miss isn't it? Ah well, keep your head up because in the end you know you did what was right.

I broke Plan B for several reasons. First, my DD asked me to met with her dad. I was also being pressured by my inlaws. 2) I had hoped that after a month alone (as he claims) in Singapore, he would feel differently. He has been promising to call Steve. 3) We have business to dicuss. 4) I'm lonely. 5) I don't think Plan B working any better than Plan A did.

We all get to have our lapses, don't we? Okay, okay. It was a bad idea. There is probably no changing the man. I'm dark again.

OK, so get back on the wagon.....back to total darkness. You screwed the pooch with this recent lapse in judgement...ok, no biggie...now back to business as usual.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OK, I am assuming you are back to a hard core Plan B and this was just a "mistake"....a modified PLan B is an excellent recipe for failure....but you know this already...I know that you do.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Come on, Grapegirl, if I can do a hard core Plan B, you can too. I've got WH living right next door and I am managing TOTAL darkness. No phone calls, no emails, no bumping into him around the house. Whether or not I totally understand why this is so important, I am still going to rely on the vet's advice. You should, too.

WH is trying really hard to pull me out of the dark zone. Today, he sent me 2 general emails from work. One is about discount tickets to an attraction in our town. The other is about the annual Halloween trick-or-treating activity at WH's work. He says that he'd like to take DD to it.

I've opened these emails but I'm not answering them.

First and most importantly, WH makes no mention of setting, doing or even contemplating an appointment with SH. Second, next Monday is a non-student contact day at our schools. While DD hasn't got school, I'm expected to attend a training meeting that day. She's been trying to find a friend to hang out with that day. She'd be okay at home for the day but I know I'd worry about her. During our horrid date, I asked WH if he could at least take her out to lunch that day. He said, "sure, sure" but nothing more since. Moms can't wait for that kind of stuff. We need childcare commitment. If I can "book" something for DD on that day I will. WH might just be SOL if he decided to do it at the last minute.

Lastly, I've been doing some extremely belated but well placed exposing. Probably like many BS, I've been sort of embarrased and reluctant to expose to people at WH's work. It's a big company that enables affairs. Mulan could tell you all about companies like that. It happens that lately I've been running into people that WH works with and I haven't been feeling any reluctance. When they ask how he is or if he's back from his trip, I say "I don't really know, he choses not to live with us anymore." An abbreviated story comes out not in an angry way but quite matter-of-factly...last year, WH went on a long company trip, he started and continues an affair and doesn't have much to do with us. At least, I don't think it sounds angry.

My mantra now is dark, dark, dark....

IMHO, even your brief PLAN B is working....

Don't reply to the E-Mails...

Don't rely on him for childcare..

DARKNESS MEANS THAT HE DOES NOT EXIST FOR YOU....

Hey Grape -

I'll be watching you!! You have to set a good example for all of us newly started Plan B'ers. Dark, Dark, Dark!!!

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05 No Contact Yet!

Having to be a good role model is quite a challenge. I think I can rise to it. I'm not answering the man at all.

Do you think this attempted contact is a good thing?

signed, gone black grapegirl

He's trying to pull you out. Just like ML says my WH is trying to get me to break Plan B with his notes he leaves at the house. I am not responding to them.

I'm curious, when you break Plan B & then go back into Plan B do you send another Plan B letter? How does he know you want nothing to do with him again??

and the fact that he hasn't made an appt. with SH is another sign....

Kim

Personally, I think not getting an appointment with SH is the most telling thing. If I could even remotely believe that WH was serious about counseling, I would have more hope.

I've wondered about a new Plan B letter also.

Yes. As I said yesterday, I think even your brief PLAN B is working. He's trying to cake-eat, trying to get you to break and to ENABLE his A. Your H: "WIFEY, SAYS IT'S OK FOR ME TO PLAY WITH THE OW".

It seems to me that another PLAN B letter would be appropriate in your situation. You can refer to the hurt caused by your "date" and his statements, as in above, and to his failure to contact Steve Harley as promised....

I've been thinking about a new Plan B letter. After our meeting last Sunday, WH and I tenatively planned to get together this weekend.

The la la land scenario: WH will have had an appointment with Steve Harley during the week. He will have decided to have no contact with slimeball OW. He will start making baby steps to heal his relationships with our children. He start working on becoming a better husband. He will have completed every MB questionaire in the book.

The realistic scenario: WH will have not contact SH. He will continue his A is OW. He'll continue to ignore his children. He will want to get together with me over the weekend, if it fits his schedule, because he can't see any reason why I wouldn't want to.

I'd say the realistic scenario calls for a complete Plan B blackout. I've got to go through the agony of writing another letter.

I also have to deal with his enabling parents. They think that if I just was nicer to him, he'd come around. I feel like asking my MIL, if she found a condom in her husband's sox drawer, just how much sweetness and light could she muster up?

Actually, I'd have to say there were a few interesting things about our meeting. He knows, I know he's a liar. I have better insight into OW. It really is an addiction. I have this feeling that she is stringing along several guys. I think OW finds WH very convenient when her children aren't around. She can stay at his place instead of commuting for an hour and she's got somebody to pay for everything. She got this geisha thing going where she so sympathic, mellow and nice. Of course, she getting paid well. Seems quite "hoe" like.

At this point, Plan B is in place. A new letter will go out after the weekend. I hate this.