I exposed the affair to my husbands boss,mom,and sister,and my whole family. My husband is in Canada on a bussiness trip. His boss is deciding on what action to take. I am scared that my husband will find out I told and hate me. Also scared my husband will loose his job.

what do I do

Well, first off, you can stop being scared, because you just took a huge step in the right direction of saving your marriage. You WANT your H to know that it was you who exposed because you want him to know you will do what it takes to save your marriage. Your H will be furious when he finds out you have interfered with his affair, so just expect it. But just remember, your marriage can survive some temporary anger, it can't survive the affair.

If you have any more exposures to do, do them NOW so you can get your money's worth out of this one lovebuster and not have to pay for it again. Might as well get it all done NOW.

When he calls in a fury, tell him: "dear, I am sorry you are so upset, but I will do what it takes to save our marriage."

He will make all sorts of threats: "I was going to work on the marriage, now I'm not," "our marriage is finished," blah, blah, blah. Just expect and don't let it upset you.

Be confident, be strong. You are a warrior now, not a WIMP. You must act like it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sheesh, I have to find my list again............ He will say that this is the last straw, he was going to work on the marriage, but now he isn't, he will never trust YOU again (haha, that's a good one), how could you do this, why are you trying to hurt OW's family, you are controlling, you are interfering, he wants a divorce, things will never be the same, it's your fault if he loses his job, blah, blah, blah. We hear the same things over and over.

Like Melody said, just tell him that you will do what it takes to try to save your marriage. Then smile sweetly.

I agree, be strong and stand up for your marriage. Your husband will be angry, but if the affair had continued the result could have been he might have lost his job anyway, you may have lost him and the list goes on.

Better to do the right thing now, because you cannot avoid the pain. It has to be faced at some point and better when you are in control than when you are helpless.

I know there must be a book somewhere that tells WS's what to say when exposed.

My WW liked to say that it was nobody else's business and I had "dragged" them all into this. She pitied her poor elderly parents who I had upset so by telling them what was going on....however, no mention about how upset they were by their daughter's actions.

Expect a verbal lashing, because you WILL get it. It's all part of the script, WS's can't help it.

You are not the guilty one.

My WH would say everytime more exposure was done:

"I was just thinking that I will come home, but now look what you've done, I'll never come home now"

It loses its effectiveness after he says it half a dozen times.

My sister and BIL dealt with an A (BIL was WS) The OWH named him in the D and that is how his A was exposed. I asked sis and BIL if they ever felt anger or anything towards OWH-they both said no. Even though it rocked their world (at least my sister's) that exposure led them to recovery.

And sometimes there is the initial anger and then relief that what was hidden is now finally out in the open and can be dealt with.