>Well, I can't seem to get enough info to expose like everyone has said. So I'm not sure what my next step is. I know I ned a plan, but I'm in a 'fog' too right now.
Been there and I should say, I still get foggy occassionally. It's par for the course.
Now, what more info do you need? I my case it is an EA with "just" calls, many calls. That is enough.
Like the others said, go to her parents as well as yours and spill your guts. Be honest. Tell your friends as well as her friends. Nothing wrong with sitting down with them and having a chat to give your side of the story. Some of her close friends surely know what is going on. Most women will confide with a close female friend of the A along with the fact that they are so unhappy with the current M. Nothing wrong with lettng them know how YOU feel.
As others have said, exposure is critical. Basically, it's embarassing to say the least. Of course she will hate you with a passion, but you must keep telling yourself to move forward. You must still love her at the same time, but in this first step, exposure is critical.
Calling the OM at this point is not good. Wait until you have come to grips with the situation. It took me 3 months to call the OM. We had a nice chat and he was shocked to hear the other side of the story. Not that it has really made a big difference, I did it mainly for me. I kept calm and cool and basically had a man to man chat.
So, wait awhile and think it over in calling the OM. You have time to work that in. Right now, expose her and if you can, expose him too to his W if married and to his family.
I know it feels awful, but if you start to think things through, you will develop a plan. I have noticed though over the months that my plan has changed quite a few times although I must admit that lately, my plan has stabilized and now there are only minor edits as to what I will do in the future.
Remember, right now, you are not in control. The goal here should be to put yourself IN control. Exposure goes a long way in getting control over the situation.
stay focused! Develop a plan!
Last edited by fox40; 10/27/05 05:41 PM.
