wow, let's just say that Sunday ended up being quite a day for me. I decided it was time for h and I to have a talk. He usually just drops kids off or picks up, etc, and we never talk. So... I got him alone in the garage and we talked. well, more like yelled a lot. I do not know this man at all and no way do I want the man he is now. He called me every name in the book, he is furious for all of the people I have exposed to including the military (although in one breath he is mad, in next he says he doesn't care), he says everyone thinks I am a psycho (well, I doubt that).... He said I tell him the door is open for him, my H, not wh, but he wants nothing to do with the house or being in it or around me.

He told me he hates me and has for a very long time. That all he has been doing is just to knife me and hurt me (which I had a feeling). He said he cares about no one but himself and his kids (more like just himself) and he does not care in the least who has been hurt by this infidelity including ow's stbxh. He doesn't care for ow, he said he is happier living over there with her then he ever was here. (another knife) he said he agrees that she is a liar and a psycho and that she is easy to take advantage of. He said she is a good time, a piece of a**, and a place to stay until he gets back from Iraq. He said she is cold and selfish and doesn't care who she hurts just like he is so they get along well.

I could go on and on. He said the only reason he had her anywhere near the kids over the summer was just to pi^^ me off. wow.... He made a comment about her last year, he said he would use her as long as she was stupid enough to be used. And he still is.

she thinks he loves her. she is obssessed with him and will do anything to keep him. he has a place to stay I am guessing for free. she pays for rent, food, etc. he is crying poverty and she won't make him pay a dime cuz she wants him there. and he will lap that right up and play it right up too to his advantage. He is a darn good manipulator. boy is she stupid. her time will come. i got his best years and had my h when he was a decent caring human being. she has the bitter cold manipulator he has turned into. things shall be quite different i think when he gets back from iraq.

i met ow's brother today. he is in 2 of my college classes. nice kid. her family has no use for my h and are very disgusted with ow. her brother would just as soon spit on my h than have anything to do with him. and he feels the same way about his sister. the family is so upset with her and are just waiting for the fall they know is going to come. i think when it does they are truly hoping she will have learned her lesson. i introduced myself to him so her family could put a face to the other side of the story here. i told him i was sorry for the pain his family has gone through and that i go through it too along with my kids who are now in counseling. you could just see how tense he got even discussing it. they are all really really mad.

h and i will be signing legal sep papers here in a week or so. and then i am doing uncontested divorce. it is way beyond time to do this. my h has just turned pure evil and i cannot do it anymore. mlhb

Sorry that it has come to this.

You should realize that a whole new world awaits you....the "evil" that all of this has taken in the priortities of your life shall eventually pass. and life will grow "green" again.

Lem

Seems to me it sounds like you are getting out just in time.

You are young, healthy and have your kids so take care of all that and you will be fine.

You can have peace in knowing that you fought the good fight.

Best of luck to you!

All of this is his self loathing turned outwards onto you...

you are lucky to be free from his chaos....

the knives you found in his words to you are just words...and they lack real meaning and value.......

there is no surprise that he at this time finds solace in chaos with her...for she is the one speck on the earth that can not judge his cruel actions for they are equal in their inherent evil.........................

this is your time to totally free yourself...
time to thank God you are not him or her...
but really time to not give her any more thought for he only brings pain to her.........as well and she is lonely and self abusive enough to tolerate it as well........

seek strong legal counsel on prtoecting the children from him and her...there are great red flags that he would use the kids and expose them to her to get to you.......

if you can get him to repeat that preferably into a microphone or email.........I would try to get hard copy of that.......

example ask in an email what he thought about using the kids to get you mad and when exactly did he do this...to see if you can it writing or whatever........for that makes me uneasy........

this is not the time to go belly up on the fight of what is right for the kids................

mhlb..he said some mean things..........
but his hate and anger are greatly misplaced...and will he ever come to terms with that is unknown...but don't you pick up that burdon of irrational behavior....
you can't and couldnt' make him behave badly any more than you can or could make him behave lovingly......
it doesn't work that way........

he owns each and every vile act as his own..........

ARK

thank you everyone for your remarks. This is almost way beyond fog here. This is a man so full of hatred and anger he is about to explode. Plus he is pretty po'd I am sure that I am not backing down to him but am fighting him tooth and nail on things. He knows he has screwed himself royally and he is taking it all out on me. That was one whack case I witnessed yesterday. I thought for sure he was going to hit me. He has never been violent with me but has threatened it many times. He was up in his face with his finger and he said he would like nothing more than to beat the living sh*t out of me. hmm. I hit his hand away which made him more mad. I told him go ahead I would have him arrested in a heart beat. on and on it went.

I have never seen anyone have so much hatred and anger at someone as my h has for me. And some of this arguing took place while our kids were waiting for him in his car right outside the open garage door so they saw and heard some of it. He absolutely positively does not care about anyone but himself. He doesn't care what anyone thinks or what people say about ow, how she is trash, etc. He doesn't care about anything anymore. He just wants to use and take advantage, and have fun, and do what he wants and make number one feel good no matter what the cost or who gets hurt. And when ow gets hurt, oh well, he doesn't care, he has promised her nothing, she should have known what she was getting into. That is what he will say.

Yes, it is time to step away from this madness. When all is said and done I and my kids will be much much better off. Bluer skies and greener pastures. And with all I have learned here and from reading the books, I will be much better in my next relationship. mlhb

mlhb,

Do you think that his behavior could have anything to do with Iraq? I am in the military as well and know that divorce, suicide and all sorts of other psyco behavior (rates) are waaaaaay up. Just a thought. Don't know that I would want anyone who seemed as unstable as he appears with a loaded weapon.

when I informed the military of his affair (he is part time military) I told them he was very mentally unstable as well. But see, h can put on an excellent act. He can act like he is normal and happy as heck. Until I told the military what was going on, they thought from conversations with my h that his life was picture perfect because that is what he wanted them to believe. He said he was happily married with 2 great kids, etc. He has been unstable like this for at least the past year. talks of suicidal thoughts, of depression, of no self respect, of not caring about anyone but himself, of being disgusted with his life.... etc.... but , when I told his family of all this plus the affair, well, when they came to talk to him he put on the act that he mentally he was fine and he had a plan for his life, etc. And they bought it. Now that they have left he want right back to his old trix and now they know he was just putting on an act.

anxieties about iraq may be making it worse, I do not know. he is really stressed right now with all the exposure i did, with the kids being in counseling, with him staying with ow and not being able to have kids over night, with ow i am sure putting some pressures on him, etc, etc..... with military being on him about seeing a lawyer... yea, he is about ready to snap probably. but he will never let the military see that. he is a fireman for the air national guard. He will carry a weapon but i am not sure how much actual combat he will do. he is there i am guessing to put out the fires after a bomb goes off or an oil well catches fire, etc.

I think a lot of it is just his true colors showing. He has been full of anger for years and he is lashing out at me with it. putting all his hatred on me. now he has had to admit that yea, I am being an a**hole with what I have been doing, he cannot hide it anymore. I think he is just breaking down. mlhb

bump

kids had counseling last night. h took them. we rotate taking them so the counselor can talk to us too. she sent home a note that says h and I are to come up with a plan for the children of when we each have them and where we will take them and stick to it and to meet in a neutral place ie not around kids at all, to discuss any concerns we have about the kids.

my dd said they talked a lot yesterday about being sad h is gone and that he will be going to iraq for 4+ months starting in january. I am sure they talked about the big blow out they partially witnessed sunday too.. I take them next week and I have a few things I need to discuss with their counselor. they drew some pix too and she had them think of other things they can do when they are sad. I hope they work. poor kiddos. mlhb

just keeping this thread going... i will probably use it for my updates, etc... mlhb