I need some help. My husband of 14 years told me he wants a divorce. I'm crushed I thought we would be together always. I thought we were so in love..I guess I was wrong. He doesn't even want to see a counselor. Does this indicate that he is seeing someone? Any help/advise would be appreciated. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It indicates you need to stay calm and get ready to take care of yourself. Something is going on but it is too early for you to know what. Don't give into defeat too quick. Prepare to give him time and space while you do your best to show him what he would be missing. Don't panic and beg or overwhelm him. It drives a wedge as they see you being too needy. They don't want to add that to their guilty feelings. If there is someone else you can hold your head up and fight for your marriage without his help. Others have done this and won. Don't start agreeing to quick settlements or deals. Make it take time, time is your friend.

Thank you for your reply. I will heed your advise. I guess I've been doing all the wrong things, ie., hanging on too tightly. It's just to hard, I miss him so very much. I just want everything to be the same as it was and I feel like the situation is out of my control. I hate feeling this way. Thanks for the advise.

there are two choices, either you play this cool and calm, and wait and let him do all the dirty work, or, you file first, and call his bluff. . .

just to let you know, my X had all those exact same feelings and thoughts. . . and after she divorced me, LOL! all the flirties were no where to be found. . . why? because there is serious flirting, and safe flirting. .

serious is looking to grab someone attention to get them to consider you for a relationship. safe flirting is flirting knowing that nothing will happen as a result, and its in good fun. .

my X has been rejected by every guy she was interested in, and is now finding relationships at the very bottom of the gene pool . . . . just to have a relationship. .

she has screwed up her relationship life and partly her work life because of it. . . I suspect that after our kids graduate from her school, she will get let go for some reason, if the same headmaster is still in charge. . .

then she will really will be at the bottom of the barrel. oh, and one more point, she is very difficult to communicate with when she has a boyfriend. . wanting me to be bad so taht the guy can feel sorry for her, . . . and if she is lonely she is pretty easy going with me. . .

so, that is the typical future for your wandering H.

good luck, but its also best to just exist as a family for awhile, while he figures out what he wants. . . and the future is very, very uncertain, so don't get all upset tyring to know what he wants or will do, as he doesn't know himself. . .

read here on two items, emotional needs, and boundaries. .

wiftty

I'm just starting to go though the same thing and feeling and doing the same as you the wrong things. I tell myself don't but then I think he is my life and I hold on tight. I'm not eating or sleeping. I just added my post on here today. I wish I knew how to help you and myself. But we can be there for each other.

Spitfirre