New one first!

L spent his weekend hunting. I spent my weekend racing and doing kid things. We had lunch on Friday before he left and had a very nice time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

He called me when he got home last night and we made plans for dinner tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'll get to spend a lot of time with him this week (non-kid week).

I have a few "meet the friends" appearances to do this week and next week. I mentioned last week in my update that I have celebrity status as the woman who coaxed L out of dating retirement. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Proof is required of my actual existence! It sounds as though there are a number of people who want to tell me how lucky I am and that he is a great guy. (I am very aware of these facts and very happy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

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Old BF updates (AKA; wanting what you can't have/Gross disrespect/does your social price increase because you are unavailable?)

Ok...grrrrrr.

Old BF "B": told him last week in no uncertain terms we're done. Called me last night to ask how busy I was this week and maybe we could go see a movie. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />ummmm...no.

Old BF "T": Ok now this one really ticked me off. I dated T for maybe a month or so Aug/Sept. I ended things with him when I started things with L. L and T are not close friends but they have overlapping circles of friends.

T called me on Thursday (well really Friday morning....) at 2AM and again at 4AM and again at 5AM. Drunk. Wanting me to come over to his house.

Me: ahhhh....NO!!!
Him: why not?
Me: I'm dating L...a friend of yours....
Him: I won't tell him
Me: no, not a chance.
Him: c'mon, I won't tell him.
(the begging/bargaining continued for awhile...then...)
Him: I won't tell him if you do come over, but if you don't come over maybe I WILL tell him something...hahahaha

For real, I am getting blackmailed! OMG. Hung up, didn't take the other calls. I had already told L about T. So the next day I told him about the phone calls too.

Friend E: Knows L, but thinks I won't be happy with him. Thinks he and I will end up together. ??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Tries to hold my hand while telling me this.

L and L(you) need to get a new circle of friends...LOL

Scary stuff...

Glad you dumped the old bf. He's a bf full of bs!

show up with an empty shotgun

you are too nice, don't bargain, and don't answer phone calls.

and then get a new circle of friends, wait, they are circling around you. .. get a new square of friends. .

that's why i dislike small populations and dating in peyton place.

wiftty

LOL!!

Hey Lexxxy,

Largely off topic, but I am curious about your racing interests - what class do you race in? Is it an amateur thing, or do you race in one of the pro classes?

AGG

LOL...you are all too funny!

I'm not looking forward to running into T anytime soon. I think it can be avoided for a good long time.


AGG -- I drag race a 1969 Thunderbird. Bracket racing, sportsman class. I run at 3 different tracks, so its pretty much every weekend in the summer. Last week was my last race of the season. Time to put the car up on blocks and start all my car-improvement projects!

Cool! Always nice to see a girl, er, woman, racer!

My favorite doorslammer was a '69 Hemi Cuda like this one that the guy raced in SS/AA (if I remember correctly), turning 8.90's all day long, while popping 4 foot wheelies... Yeeehaaaw <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

Last night, L was coming over after dinner with his parents. He got to my house about 8:45, and we had a very nice evening together.

Before he arrived, B had called. I was on the phone with him when L got there. We had talked for about 15 minutes -- all about B (as usual) and he's in a funk. He's not feeling well physically. He has a physically demanding job -- which he really should not be doing. He received a workers comp disability settlement for a similar job but hasn't made a decision about retraining or schooling, so is doing this job in the meantime.

He is not feeling well emotionally either -- he's missing me. So he's feeling pretty needy right now. And he wants me to be there for him. Which I can only do to a limited degree. I don't mind talking to him or help him think out some decisions. But I'm not going to be the one giving him a backrub when he's hurting.

When L arrived, I told B I had to go. I said I would call him back. He was quite taken aback. I said it wouldn't be until tomorrow. And I got off the phone, left it on "silent mode" and went to spend my evening with L.

B proceeded to call me 4 more times and left me 2 messages. The first message was "I want to know why you can't call me back until tomorrow" the next message was "this is what I was talking about, that you would be there for me no matter what, I guess you don't get it."

* * * * *

You know, I wanted to spare him the jealousy and hurt feelings about me dating someone else. But I guess I just have no choice anymore.

Even though he technically broke up with me back in July and I've just been reinforcing it -- he's still going to be the victim. I've let him down. I just move on so easily. I'm not there for him.

I have no idea how similar our situations really are, but, there ARE SOME similarities.

Old BF "J"... I broke up with him in December. We tried to remain "friends", and sorta kept seeing each other, including some benefits, through about March. I realized he was still in love with me, and I WASN'T in love, so I backed off, and ended the benefits. He put his profile up on match, and I thought "yay, he's letting me go". We still talked every now and then, and even though he didn't say much about it, he still relied on me quite a bit emotionally.

In July, I put my profile up on July, and it hit him hard. He finally realized I didn't want him anymore. Duh! He went through the whole thing again of being dumped, started calling me more, feeling hurt, didn't understand why I didn't want him, etc etc. I TRIED to distance myself to make him understand I WAS MOVING ON, yet couldn't be so cold as to drop him completely.

In September, he had a terrible time emotionally. I had stopped "helping" him - stopped being there for him to listen to all his problems - and he realized I stopped feeling so responsible for his happiness, etc. He was having problems wwith his kids, and was missing me terribly, and his W that passed away before we started dating, and almost had a breakdown, and had to go into a facility for a week of intense counselling and where he could "get away". He worked on himself a LOT during that week, and has told me that he made HUGE steps in letting me go. He only calls me about once every 2 weeks now (instead of every other day), and the calls are not about "I miss you", "I need you"... they are only just catching up on stuff.

I'm not sure what I'm saying... other than... I think you've got to get away from him. Maybe he needs a letter - like a NC letter - explaining that he needs to move on, and find support somewhere else, that you care about him, but you can't be there for him like you used to, and it's best that you go your separate ways.

I couldn't/can't imagine doing this to "J"... I don't know why. I guess I want to know what's going on in his life, and how he's doing. I guess that's a problem, and I should let it go. I probably should have cut things off completely with him and sent him on his way, and tried to put him out of my mind.

Yes, you might hurt him, but that's his choice to be hurt, and it's a risk we ALL CHOOSE to take when we date. He's a grown man, and he will be OK. You have to do what's best for YOU, and "L".

I feel like I gave it my all with B. I spent a year and a half trying to negotiate a relationship with him that would make us both happy.

It was always me coaxing him out of his comfort zone and trying to have something of a normal relationship. I just don't have the energy for it anymore.

Everything is so much easier with L. He doesn't have all the phobias and hang-ups.

OK -- I did it.

I told B that I am seeing L.

He called me last night to ask why I had to get off the phone so quickly. I told him that I had someone over. He initially got irritated and thought I was having this very personal conversation in front of someone else. Which I would NEVER do. I explained that I got off the phone when L arrived, thats why it seemed abrupt to him.

So I think I'm still in for more drama from him. Now he's hurt that I'm seeing someone. I got another call and message from him last night wondering if he had done something wrong and was I mad at him. ??? I have no idea where that is coming from. Tonight is his usual play cards with his drinking buddies night. I am certain I will be getting more phone calls tonight. (my phone will be off and I will be spending time with L!)

* * * * * * * * *

L and I have spent every night this week together. And we'll be together most of the weekend too. I'm having an end of the year party for my racing team on Friday.

Things are going nice and easy. Not rushing things.

Don't answer the phone..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Since he doesn't seem to be "gettin it", do you think it would help to write a letter or e-mail, and stop answering his calls completely? *sigh* it's so hard.....

I know thats the eventual answer. I was just trying to avoid it. This is someone I really do care about. I hate that we can't remain friendly.

I knowwwwww. Reallyyyyyyyyy. Maybe the letter and no contact is what ya'll need temporarily. So he can "get it". I keep thinking back to what I could have done differently with J. Seems like I drug his pain out for 10 months. I don't know if I could have done anything differently. Seems like he's "got it" now, because he doesn't call much anymore. I don't know. I think he still loves me... and if I wanted him back, he'd take me in a second. I don't think we can be friends like I want.

I just re-read an article by harley in which he specifically says that you should expect your spouse to NOT maintain relationships with old significant others. That being around these people we care about can prevent us from full forming new attachments and rekindle old feelings.

V.

Sunny -- really good point. I was already considering the fact that this relationship would have to end completely if L and I get more serious.

I wouldn't take that risk.

Faith -- you're right. Its probably kinder now than to drag it out.

[color:"blue"]It really pains me sometimes that my BF and his ex wife and a couple of short term lovers have remained so close. I know at least one of the short termers was given a second shot. He talks to his ex I would say far less than he used to, but still probably once a week or more. In the past when she came to town she and new hubby (OM) and even their child stayed at BFs house. What used to be their marital home.

Makes me wonder sometime how many needs of each other that they are still meeting. At the very least the need for conversation. Gives my hunny the option of bypassing time with me perhaps because he can then talk on the phone to her?

I agree with Harley about the no contact. If he and I were married, at least I could monitor the call and know how intimate it was.

V.[/color]

I'm a firm believer of the old "When Harry met Sally" quote - men and women can never really be just friends.

So I'm gonna let go of the idea that we can still talk a few times a week and stay friendly.

Its kinder to him and easier on me to just end things completely. If he wants to blame me, I guess he can go right ahead and do that. He can't alter my view of how things ended any more than I can control his. I think we've both been caught up in justifying. It just really doesn't matter.