It has been a year. Those days are coming back to me with each anniversary! Not as bad as the day but still full of pain and doubt.

When will I fell like I am not to blame for these affairs of hers?
When will I feel that she does not blame me for these affairs of hers?
When will I feel like she truly loves me?
When will I feel her affection that is not initiated by me?
When will she just throw her arms around me for no reason and kiss me, hug me and tell me she loves me?
When will she own up to this as hers and not mine?
When will she ask what active role she can take to repair this marriage with me?
When will she take the ball and run with it?
When will I feel that I am not slowly drowning?
When .........?